“I tried to be friends with someone, but I gave up because “they seem like they already have enough friends.”
⬆️ This phrase ⬆️ appears in my DMs daily.
Let’s discuss how to make friends when you feel this way.
1. Having “enough friends” means something different to every single person.No one else can quantify what “enough friends” means for anyone but themselves. This is a deeply personal reflection. One that will have different answers in different phases of life. *BTW — Did you think fewer people as time goes on? Read #2. I don’t believe most people have even considered how supported they feel. Read that again. Let alone, feel like they have the ability + tools to change how supported they feel?
P.S. I am developing an entire workbook sharing my reflection process. Want to be the first to know when it’s released? Signup here.If you aren’t sure, then you need to sit down and reflect. Consider how you feel ]
- On an average day
- In times of high stress
- In happy moments
- In sad moments
- Amidst big life changes
- In different areas of your life — career, adventure, parenting, life changes
- What about in persuing different interests + passions?
2. Having “enough friends” changes as people’s lives change.Most people’s immediate thought — “Yes, Alex!!! You nailed it. As my life got more difficult, I couldn’t handle more people.” Well, I want to push you to consider the other way. What if as life got more stressful more people meant that you felt more supported. What if as you transitioned into being a parent, you added more people into your life that loved on you and your partner and your newest addition. (P.S. if you are solo-parenting, I grew up in a single-parent household and I SEE YOU working so hard) Consider that maybe it’s not that you need fewer people. Maybe you need new + different people. Maybe you need to ask different things of your current people. OR to ask different things of your current people. In much of the western world, our society teaches us that the ultimate success is to be able to handle all the burdens of life amongst your nuclear family unit.
Think about that — do you really think that success if doing it all alone?
HEY! If you want to share, here is a link to my original IGTV.
3. Remember that people post their highlight reels on the internet, not their struggles.
Instagram feeds are full of highlights + wins. Very rarely do you find people who are willing to freely post their struggles. Therefore, not many people are going to be showcasing that they feel a need for new/different/more people in their lives.
So if you are insta-stalking this potential new friend only to feel discouraged that “they have a lot of friends.”
You could have no idea that the potential friend is struggling with those friendships.
That they don’t live close to any of those friends any longer and wish they could make friends in their new hometown.
That they have had a life transition and could use friends that are also — working at a startup, starting their own business, becoming a parent, quitting their job to travel the world, caring for an elderly parent, dealing with divorce, grieving a loss.
YOU DON’T KNOW.
So don’t cut yourself off before you even begin to find your similarities.
Want to see more videos like this as soon as I release them? They appear on Instagram @eternalhostess first. Go hit follow to hear them first!
So what’s really happening when you say I think that person has “enough friends”.
Let’s be honest with ourselves. Isn’t this statement just one that keeps us safe?
It’s an easy way to opt-out.
To not take the risk of getting hurt when you put in the effort to try and befriend someone.
You gotta take radical responsibility for your community.
But by saying “they probably have enough friends” you are putting the responsibility back on them.
Yet, they haven’t done anything here.
You have. You gave that excuse.
Every single time you put yourself out there. It’s a risk.
It’s a risk that they may not feel like they have enough time.
It’s a risk that they might not want to be friends at the same level that you do.
It’s a risk that they may not be looking for the same kind of friendship you are.
It’s a risk that you might find out they aren’t actually as interested in [insert interest here] as you are.
But you’ll never know unless you give it a try.
You just have to go for it — over and over and over and over — again.
Community is a never-ending journey.
It’s not a destination.
You don’t just have a community and it will stay that way forever.
It’s always changing and YOU CAN IMPACT YOUR OWN COMMUNITY.