Start Here

Start here

Find yourself wondering

"Do I belong here?"

You lost friends after a big life change -- move, new job, baby, marriage.
You don't go to that gym anymore, but wish you had stayed in contact with those friends.
You didn't see anyone model adult friendships.
You became a parent and you are struggling to figure out how friendships fit in.
You feel guilty for never calling that one friend.
You aren't sure what you have in common with your friends anymore.
You realized all your friends live far away.
You don't to hang out with friends in the same ways anymore (bar hopping, shopping, gossiping).
You are exhausted by the idea of throwing a party.
You want to be able to just call a friend to say "What are you doing right now?"
You wish you had a group of friends.
You barely see/talk to your friends anymore.
You feel like all your friends are your partners friends.
You feel like a friendship has changed, but you don't know why.
You haven't prioritized friendships + community for years.
You wonder who actually has time for friendships.
You are tired of superficial friendships.
You've found yourself in a room full of people, but you feel lonely.
You think you are the problem. Everyone else has friends, so "something is wrong with me."
You've tried to make new friends, but they fizzle out after just a couple of hangouts.
You feel like you are always invited to the party, but never quite part of the group.
You go places and meet people, but don't know how to move to get closer.
You _____________________ (fill in the blank because there are one million more answers).

i don't know a single person that can't check at least one box.

Welcome. Let's talk about it.

we're not cool. we just show up.

Where to start?

Start small.

Small actions add up.

Small actions allow for consistency.

1. Do less

Raise your hand if you feel like you have to show up in all the ways for your people. NOPE. Not around here. We believe you should show up in the ways you show up best and let someone else do the other things. Check out our series "How to decide what not to do."

2. Is there a person or a group you procrastinate getting back to?

Let yourself off the hook. Seriously. You can press PAUSE. You can decide to give yourself a break and see if you wanna keep putting energy into that relationship or not.

3. Decide how you communicate best

Set some boundaries. Decide what works best for you -- Text, Facetime, In-Person, Phone Calls, DM -- whatever it is. Start communicating that. "Hey! I wanna chat, but texting is easier during the day." or "I love when you send me that video, but can we not then start talking in the DMs. I'll won't miss your message if it's in my texts."

4. Pick one goal.

You made some space above. Now decide on a manageable goal -- One hangout a month? 15 mins to catch up on texts a day? One facetime a month? Pick a small goal. Very small. Probably just a singular one, so you can stay accountable to yourself. After you've done it multiple times in a row, you can add another small goal.

5. Pick two people. SCHEDULE.

Pick two people you want to see (not people you feel like you should see, but people you are truly excited to see). Schedule a time in your calendar to connect in whatever way works for you -- call, hang out in person, a walk, a workout class. a "thinking of you" text

6. "What is the path of least resistance?"

Do you want to meet someone new? Ask yourself, "What is the path of least resistance?" Probably to try and meet someone in a place you already go -- the park, work, through a friend. Try and find the simplest, quickest, lowest impact solutoin to your problem. No more saying "I want to talk to my friend, but I need two hours to catch up." Nope. Decide that 15 minutes while you drive to work is enough.