Podcast Description
When we were kids, proximity was the basis for our friendships.
As adults, we have more control over our friendships than ever before. We get to choose where we’re going, what we’re doing, where we’re living, who we’re calling. And I think sometimes we get overwhelmed with all the choices we have and forget that WE have the power here.
This episode is Part 1 of my conversation with today’s guest, Kristian, who reached out after finding Friendship IRL by typing “friendship” into Apple Podcasts. Kristian is in her 20’s, a phase in life in which we often find we can’t rely on proximity for our friendships anymore.
Our 20’s are full of so many changes – changes that will inevitably impact our friendships. But that’s not necessarily a bad thing. These changes also allow us to better understand who we are, what we enjoy, and what we WANT – not only out of life, but out of our friendships, too.
In this episode you’ll hear about:
- How you can be lonely even while having “friends,” and the importance of letting go of being our “best selves” and embracing our messy, unique, true selves
- Harmful societal messages around friendship: put your best foot forward; give a great first impression; the first seven seconds set the tone of your friendship forever
- Making friends as an adult, which often involves deciding who we are; what makes us unique; ways we want to show up; and how we want others to show up for us
- In our mid-20s, friendships often aren’t based on proximity anymore, so for a lot of people, it’s hard to know what friendship looks like during this stage of life
- How our own personal growth and “tweaks” impact our friendships; for example, deciding to stop drinking might affect relationships with people we go to the bar with
- The difference in being nice and kind, in friendships and in life
Reflection Question:
Did you find your friendships changed when you hit your mid- to late-20s? How so? What were the challenges you found, and how did you work to overcome them?
Notable Quotes from Kristian:
“I found myself becoming extremely burnt out. I am now a reformed super nice girl. No longer doing it. Sorry, can’t. It’s exhausting. So now I just want to focus on being kind instead of being nice, because I feel like people who are nice kind of don’t have boundaries.”
“That’s what I hate about growing up, because I feel like we lose our sense of individuality. In a way, that’s something that I’ve been coming back to in 2022. And let me tell you, that is the key to life. Literally, go back to your individuality. And you will start to love yourself again.”
Notable Quote from Alex:
“A lot of adults have forgotten that “our people” were once just people. They were people that walked down the hall. We knew nothing about them. They didn’t evoke any memories or feelings or thoughts. We just met them. We said hi. We learned some things about them. And slowly over time, we started to care about them as humans. So skipping forward to that part, where they are the closest people, isn’t going to happen. And I think a lot of adults want that right off the bat.”
Resources & Links
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