“We needed that community to survive. And I think we still do. We still need that community. It’s been difficult to see that, now that we have social media. There’s so many ways where we feel like we can hide. The reality is we need the community. It’s such a beautiful process to create your community – to allow them to show how they can lift you up, or how you can lift them up too.”
That’s Brenda Bloczynski, and her words hit me right in the heart when I heard them.
Here’s what I want you to know: we are not meant to do this life alone. As humans, we survived because of our connections with each other. But somewhere along the way, we started treating community like a luxury instead of a necessity.
Today, I’m sharing Brenda’s incredible story – not because it’s some fairy tale about perfect friendship, but because it’s proof that something as simple as a group chat can transform into the kind of community we’re all craving.
The Problem: We’re Hiding Behind Our Screens Instead of Connecting Through Them
Let’s get real for a minute. Digital connection is literally at our fingertips all the time. We have more ways to connect than any generation in history. So why do so many of us feel more isolated than ever?
Because we’re using technology to hide instead of using it to connect.
We scroll through social media feeling like everyone else has figured out community while we’re sitting alone on our couches. We see group photos and think, “I wish I had that,” but we never take the first step to create it ourselves.
Here’s the truth: the tools aren’t the problem. It’s how we use them.
Brenda’s story is a beautiful example of how digital connection can become the foundation for real, life-changing community – if we’re willing to show up authentically and let it grow over time.
How It All Started: The Power of Simple Prompts
Picture this: It’s 2020. The world has shut down. A group of women from the same church are looking for ways to stay connected, and one of them creates a Marco Polo group with a simple focus: share your favorite things.
For those who don’t know Marco Polo, it’s a video messaging app where you can leave messages that people watch and respond to on their own time, keeping everything in chronological order so conversations flow naturally.
The initial prompt was beautifully simple: favorite kitchen gadgets, makeup lines, life hacks. Nothing deep. Nothing intimidating. Just… favorites.
But here’s what happened: “All of a sudden, somebody probably shared something that was not their favorite thing. But maybe like, ‘Oh, I didn’t sleep last night, because our kid…’ Something. And all of a sudden, we’re sharing things that are a little bit more personal than just our favorite thing.”
This is so important. Most of us stop ourselves from connecting because we convince ourselves that sharing anything about ourselves is TMI, is oversharing. But having a simple, specific reason to reach out – like sharing a favorite product – gives you permission to pick up your phone and hit record.
And those small shares? They add up to something much bigger.
In the full episode, Brenda goes deep into what those early days looked like – including the vulnerability of showing up on camera without makeup, letting people see your messy house, admitting when you’re having a rough day. If you’re curious about how to start building this kind of connection in your own life, hearing the whole story might give you some ideas.
The Evolution: From Favorites to Real Life
What started as sharing favorite things gradually became sharing real life – the messy, imperfect, present-moment reality of being human.
Brenda describes it perfectly: “At some point, you know, I’ve seen my girls right out of… you know, like they just woke up, pajamas on, makeup might still be a little smudged, things like that. So it’s a vulnerable thing for women, right? Like you don’t let people see you like that unless you trust them.”
This is what I call “small intimacies” – those moments where you let people see you as you actually are, not as you think you should be.
Think about it: How many times have you stopped yourself from reaching out to someone because you haven’t done your hair? Because your house is a mess? Because you’re having a bad day and don’t want to “burden” anyone?
But these women created space where showing up authentically – bedhead and all – became the norm. Where saying “today sucks” wasn’t seen as complaining, but as being real with people who cared about you.
They weren’t just catching up with each other. They were doing life together, in real time.
The Magic: When Groups Feel Safe Enough to Expand
Here’s something beautiful that happened: as the group became more solid, they didn’t become more exclusive – they became more inclusive.
“Sometimes when you’re in a big group, you feel like you have to either entertain or be entertained by somebody. And there’s got to be conversation happening… But when you allow people to just show up however they are, and you show up authentically yourself – there’s days where I don’t want to talk. I just want to listen to them, because it’s fun. Then it just allows you to relax and really enjoy the time together.”
When you feel the magic of authentic community, you want other people to experience it too. So they started breakfast clubs. Foodie adventure groups. They invited husbands, teenagers, friends of friends.
As Brenda beautifully put it: “We’re not a circle of friends, we’re a U. There’s always room, there’s always an extra seat at the table.”
The complete episode explores how they actually made this transition from digital to in-person connection, including some specific examples of the activities they do together. There’s something about hearing how they navigate group dynamics that I think will help if you’re trying to build something similar.
From Virtual to Reality: Taking Connection Offline
The Marco Polo group became the foundation, but it didn’t stay confined to screens. They started meeting for:
- ▪️ Regular dinners out – trying different restaurants, exploring new cuisines
- ▪️ Breakfast club – weekly gatherings that welcomed newcomers
- ▪️ Girls’ weekends – quarterly trips where people could break off into smaller groups and come back together
- ▪️ Birthday celebrations – making sure everyone felt valued and seen
- ▪️ Life support – showing up for each other during health crises, job changes, family challenges
What I love about their approach: they didn’t try to move as a group of 15 all the time. People would split off, do different activities, then come back together. This gave space for those individual connections that make the larger group possible.
Because here’s the thing: a group isn’t just about the big gatherings. It’s built on all those individual relationships – some deeper, some focused on specific interests, all valuable.
The Real Test: How Community Shows Up During Crisis
About a year into their friendship, one of the women was diagnosed with cancer. And this is where you really see what authentic community looks like.
They didn’t just send thoughts and prayers. They showed up.
Some made freezer meals. Others drove her to appointments. The nurse in the group spent nights with her after surgery. They coordinated care, shared responsibilities, and most importantly – they let her be vulnerable about what she actually needed.
As Brenda shared: “The fact that she has allowed this group and other people into her life, and she’s been so open about all the things that she’s been going through… I have learned so much about how to support somebody in a situation like this, because she allowed me to be there for her.”
This is what community is actually about: not perfect people having perfect relationships, but real people showing up for each other’s real lives.
The Framework: How to Nourish Instead of Just Reciprocate
One thing that struck me about Brenda’s story was how naturally they figured out everyone’s strengths and let people contribute differently.
When I asked about this, Brenda said something profound: “After almost three years… now we know our strengths. I’m the planner. I like to organize. I’m good at cleaning. I can drive people around… some of us right now can’t… but she shows up in ways that she can.”
This isn’t about keeping score or equal exchange. It’s about nourishment.
Instead of thinking “I did this for you, so you need to do this for me,” they think about how each person can contribute their natural gifts when they have capacity. The planner plans. The cook cooks. The driver drives. The person with young kids shows up when they can.
And when someone’s capacity is limited – by work, health, family responsibilities – the group doesn’t keep score. They just love that person where they are.
I share so much more in the full episode about what this looks like practically, including a beautiful story about how they handled one friend who felt like she wasn’t “earning” her place in the group. If you struggle with feeling worthy of care from others, I think hearing this part will really resonate.
What You Can Learn: The Small Steps That Lead to Big Connection
Here’s what I want you to take away from Brenda’s story:
Start Simple and Specific
You don’t need a grand vision or perfect plan. A “favorites” group chat is enough. A book club. A walking group. A monthly dinner. Give people a simple, specific reason to connect regularly.
Show Up Authentically
As Brenda said: “It’s okay to just allow yourself to be you wherever you go. And that will attract the people that you want to have connection with.” Stop waiting until you have your life together to let people in.
Be Present, Not Just Catching Up
Society champions the “catch-up friend” – someone you update about your life after it’s already happened. But what we’re really craving is people who are present with us as life unfolds, day by day.
Let People Care About You
When someone’s going through a hard time and they try to pull back because they feel like they haven’t “earned” support, don’t let them. Love isn’t transactional. Care isn’t something you have to qualify for.
Use Technology as a Bridge, Not a Destination
Digital connection can be incredible for building relationships, but the goal is to create space for real presence – whether that’s virtual presence where you’re truly seen and heard, or in-person presence where you’re doing life together.
Your Next Steps: What Would Community Look Like for You?
Here’s my reflection question for you: Were there remote social activities you did during the pandemic that you continued after lockdown was over? What were they? Did that time at home affect how you connected with people afterward?
Maybe you started a virtual book club that fizzled out. Maybe you had regular video calls with family that stopped once you could see each other in person. Maybe you joined online communities that you’ve since abandoned.
What if you revisited some of those connections? What if you started something new with the same spirit Brenda’s group had – simple, consistent, authentic?
Here are some practical ideas:
- ▪️ Start a Marco Polo group focused on sharing one simple thing (daily wins, favorite finds, weekend highlights)
- ▪️ Create a group text for sharing photos of your day
- ▪️ Organize monthly dinners where people can bring friends
- ▪️ Start a walking group, book club, or hobby meetup
- ▪️ Join an existing community and show up consistently
The key is this: start small, show up authentically, and trust that small intimacies build into something bigger over time.
Because here’s what Brenda’s story proves: we don’t have to accept loneliness as our default. We can create the communities we’re craving. It just takes one person willing to send the first message, create the first group, extend the first invitation.
Maybe that person is you.
Want to hear more about how this community actually works? Episode 24 with Brenda goes deep into the practical details – how they handle group dynamics, what their trips look like, how they navigated supporting someone through cancer, and so much more.
Listen to Friendship IRL wherever you get your podcasts. And if this story inspires you to start something in your own life, I’d love to hear about it.
