“So, where are you going?” Deasha’s dad asked when she told him about her upcoming trip.
“I’m gonna fly to Canada and go stay with my friend Jodie.”
“Okay, where did you meet her?”
“I haven’t actually met her in real life. Just online.”
“And you’re gonna fly across the world and stay in her house?”
“Yeah, yeah, that’s happening.”
“But what if she’s a weirdo?”
“Well, we have zoomed literally every week for years. So she’s probably not a weirdo.”
This isn’t the plot of some feel-good movie. This is Deasha Waddup’s actual life. And by the end of our conversation, I realized she’s cracked the code on something most of us struggle with: how to actually make friends as an adult.
The “I Don’t Know How” Struggle
Let’s get real for a minute. When someone asks me for resources to make new friends, I always want to give them a book, a podcast, or a course. But here’s what I’ve learned: making friends is one of those areas where you just need to go out there and do it.
You need to be a beginner. You need to be a little uncomfortable. You have to get used to navigating these situations.
And that terrifies most people.
But Deasha has done this so many times – meeting people online and turning them into real friends, moving to new cities, traveling solo – that she now trusts when she goes out and does what she wants to do, she’ll meet people while doing it. That confidence? It’s what gives her the power to make big life choices without worrying about loneliness or about having support.
In our full conversation, Deasha shares story after story of connections that started online and became real friendships – including the friend who’s flying in to stay with her for six weeks, then traveling to Italy and Israel together. It’s honestly inspiring to hear how natural this has become for her.
The Formula: Start Where It’s Comfortable
Here’s what I love about Deasha’s approach – she doesn’t try to be the most extroverted person in the room. She starts where it feels manageable and builds from there.
Step 1: Find Your Comfortable Ask
Deasha met one of her closest UK friends through a simple Facebook post: “I only want a running partner.”
Here’s the thing – neither of them could actually run very far at the time. They both wanted to get back into running. They didn’t need someone training for a marathon; they just needed someone who wanted to run around the park a few times.
“It’s so easy to do if you are in communities, even local communities, and you just share something that you want to do together,” Deasha explains. “Look, I’m looking to get into running. You don’t have to be a runner.”
The “comfortable ask” is key because it removes the vulnerability of saying “I just want to spend time with you.” Instead, you’re connecting over a shared interest or activity.
Step 2: Let It Evolve Naturally
That running friendship? It quickly became something else entirely. “We actually didn’t even run together. We ran like once or twice, and then we ended up just going out in our running gear to the coffee shop. We are technically running, right? Sort of. We got dressed to go for a run, and then we’re like, we’ll just go for coffee.”
This is brilliant. The running was just the excuse to get together regularly. Once they realized they genuinely enjoyed each other’s company, the specific activity mattered less.
The Consistency Game-Changer
One pattern I noticed in all of Deasha’s friendships: she removes the “friendship admin” through consistency.
She and her Canadian friend Jodie had weekly Zoom calls for years. With another UK friend, they check in almost daily on WhatsApp and do co-working sessions, jumping on Zoom and sitting in silence, just for accountability.
“I think you have to stick to the same thing,” Deasha says about making recurring connections work.
This is huge. When you set up something that repeats – same day, same time, same format – you eliminate all the invisible labor of constantly planning and initiating. No one has to remember to reach out. No one has to think of what to do. You just show up.
The complete episode goes deep into how these consistent touchpoints create space for real vulnerability and connection. When you’re talking to someone every week, you end up sharing everything – the disastrous love life moments, the work struggles, the real stuff that bonds people together.
The “You’re Probably Not Going to Die” Philosophy
Here’s Deasha’s life philosophy that I think we all need to adopt: “If it is not going to kill me, then I’ll probably be okay. And that’s how I’ve done everything. That’s how I’ve moved and gone on one-way flights multiple times in my life. Started businesses. Bought houses. Everything. Is it going to kill me? Probably not. So let’s do it.”
When people gave her pushback about flying to stay with her online friend, her response was perfect: “Yeah, it’s weird. And what’s your point?”
She owns that her choices are outside the norm, and she doesn’t get into discussions about it. Because here’s the thing – the greatest risk wasn’t her safety. It was maybe being an awkward houseguest for a few days, then staying in a hotel to reset. That’s… manageable.
The Compound Effect of Small Actions
What struck me most about Deasha’s story is that none of this happened overnight. It’s a bunch of small actions that are compounded over time:
- ▪️ Joining Facebook groups for her interests
- ▪️ Responding when someone posts about wanting a running partner
- ▪️ Setting up weekly check-ins with people she connects with
- ▪️ Being willing to be the one who suggests meeting up
- ▪️ Treating friendship like dating (because it is dating)
Each successful connection built her confidence for the next one. Now she can move somewhere new without worrying about making friends, because she’s done it so many times.
“I recently met a new local friend, and I was like, ‘I’m gonna go for coffee with this girl I just met.’ My boyfriend was like, ‘That sounds like a date.’ ‘No. Well, it sounds like a friendship date.’ He was like, ‘That’s weird.’ ‘That’s because you don’t make friends. I’m gonna go for a coffee with this girl, and we’re gonna see if we like each other.’”
Your Starting Point: The Facebook Group Strategy
If you’re feeling overwhelmed and don’t know where to start, Deasha has a specific recommendation:
Join a local Facebook community page or group.
Look for things like “Girls in [Your City]” or groups focused on your interests. Then do what Deasha did when she lived in Sydney – post something like “I want to go see this film” or “Looking for someone to try that new restaurant with.”
She posted that she wanted to see a movie, and four complete strangers joined her. Five people who all wanted to see the same film but didn’t want to go alone.
“It just gives you that, oh, I’m not alone,” she explains.
Start there. One post. One small ask. See what happens.
The Permission to Let Friendships Evolve
Here’s something else Deasha said that I think we all need to hear: “Sometimes friends are in your life for a season. And it’s okay to fall out with people. You don’t have to be friends with a person for the rest of your life just because they were a friend for a moment in time.”
She had a friend whose entire friendship was built around wine tasting. They met through a Facebook post about wanting to attend wine events, and that became their thing. It’s a beautiful friendship, even if it’s centered on one specific activity.
The point isn’t that every friendship needs to become your best friend forever. The point is that each connection adds value to your life and teaches you something about building relationships.
What This Makes Possible
When you get good at making friends, something magical happens: you stop letting the fear of being alone stop you from doing what you want to do.
Deasha travels solo, moves to new cities, starts businesses, and makes big life choices – all because she trusts her ability to build connections wherever she goes.
“If you just wait for somebody to come traveling with you, you ain’t gonna go traveling,” she says. “It’s the same with people who want to date. ‘I want to date, but I’d have to go out.’ Well, unless you’re going to date the postman, you are not going to find a date.”
Your Next Step
Making friends as an adult isn’t about becoming a completely different person or suddenly being the most outgoing person in every room. It’s about building a skill through small, consistent actions.
Find one local Facebook group this week. Look for one thing you want to do. Make one post.
See what happens.
In the full episode, Deasha shares so many more specific examples of how these online connections became real friendships, plus her strategies for maintaining long-distance friendships and dealing with people who think her approach is “weird.” If you’re ready to stop waiting for friends to appear and start actively building connections, this conversation will give you the confidence to take that first step.
Reflection Question: Are there big adventures or choices you’d like to take but are afraid to because you’re worried about meeting new people along the way? What are the small steps you can take to make that big leap easier?
This conversation with Deasha is packed with real examples of putting yourself out there and building genuine connections. Listen to the full episode of Friendship IRL wherever you get your podcasts, and let me know what actions you decide to take.
