Every Monday morning at 7am, I go paddleboarding with my friend.
We’ve been doing this for eight years.
Rain or shine. Summer or winter. Busy season or slow season.
Every Monday. 7 am. Paddleboarding.
And here’s the thing: this tradition started as something completely different.
Eight years ago, I joined a business networking group, BNI (Business Networking International). I met some lovely women there.
We decided to start meeting every Thursday morning for two hours to talk business.
That was our thing. Thursday mornings. Business talk. Very structured. Very professional.
Then life happened.
People moved. Businesses changed. The group of five became three. Then two.
And somewhere along the way, Thursday morning business meetings became Monday morning paddleboarding.
We still talk business sometimes. But we also talk about life. We talk about everything.
It’s not what we started with. But it’s what stuck.
And that’s what I want to talk about today: How to create traditions with friends that actually last.
Not the elaborate, Pinterest-perfect traditions that burn you out after one attempt.
The simple, sustainable ones that become part of your life. That creates safety and dependability in your friendships.
The ones that stick.
The Problem With How We Think About Traditions
Here’s what I see happen all the time:
Someone decides they want to create a tradition with friends.
So they plan something elaborate. A whole weekend trip. A themed party that requires weeks of prep. An activity that costs hundreds of dollars.
They do it once. It’s amazing. Everyone has a great time.
And then it never happens again.
Because it was too much. Too expensive. Too time-consuming. Too exhausting.
And then they feel like they failed.
But here’s what I want you to understand:
A tradition only becomes a tradition if you can actually maintain it.
If you burn out after one attempt, it’s not a tradition. It’s just a one-time event.
So the secret to creating traditions that stick? Sustainability.
Not eco-friendly (though that’s nice too). Sustainable for YOUR energy, time, and budget.
Start so small it feels almost silly. You can always scale up. But you can’t maintain what burns you out.
Why Traditions Actually Matter
Before we dive into the how, let me tell you WHY this matters.
Traditions and rituals create the safety and dependability we crave in friendships.
Think about it: friendships aren’t bound by blood or legal contracts. They’re voluntary. They can feel… unpredictable.
We want to know our friends will be there. We want to feel secure in these relationships.
And one of the best ways to build that security? Consistency. Frequency. Touchpoints you can count on.
Traditions give you:
- ▪️ Something to look forward to
- ▪️ Something you can depend on
- ▪️ Natural reasons to connect
- ▪️ Built-in touchpoints
Think about family relationships for a second.
Even if you don’t see certain family members often, you know you’ll probably see them at holidays. Or family reunions. Or whatever annual gathering exists.
Those touchpoints exist because someone, at some point, created them.
Someone started the tradition of Thanksgiving dinner. Someone started the annual beach trip. Someone started Sunday dinners.
And you can do the same thing with friends.
You can create these dependable touchpoints. These traditions give your friendships structure and security.
You just have to start. And keep it simple.
How I’m Going to Break This Down
I’m going to organize this using my Wheel of Connection framework.
(If you haven’t heard me talk about this, go listen to Episode 100. But basically, it’s a way of looking at ALL your relationships, not just your closest friends.)
Because here’s the thing: traditions look different depending on how close you are to someone.
The tradition you create with your neighbor is going to be different from the tradition you create with your best friend.
And that’s okay. That’s actually perfect.
So we’re going to look at:
- ▪️ Formal community and acquaintances
- ▪️ Defined friends (gym friends, work friends, etc.)
- ▪️ Present and historic friends (your closest people)
And for each category, I’ll give you both in-person AND virtual options.
Because some of you are maintaining long-distance friendships. Some of you are dealing with illness or mobility issues. Some of you just prefer virtual connection.
Virtual traditions can be just as meaningful as in-person ones.
Let’s dive in.
Traditions for Formal Community & Acquaintances
These are your neighbors, people in your running club, members of your HOA, people you see regularly but don’t know super well.
The key here: open invite structure and LOW barrier to entry.
You want something so easy that people can just… show up.
The Porch Popsicle Hangout
This is one of my favorite examples I’ve seen.
Every Friday in summer, someone puts a cooler of popsicles on their porch.
That’s it. They tell their neighbors, “I’ll be on my porch with popsicles from 5-7 pm every Friday. Stop by if you want.”
No RSVP required. No pressure. Just: popsicles are here if you want one.
People walk by. Grab a popsicle. Chat for a bit. Keep walking.
Or they bring a lawn chair and stay for an hour.
It’s low-key. Low-effort. Low-budget. (A box of popsicles costs what, $5?)
And it’s sustainable. Because it’s so simple.
Other Community Tradition Ideas:
Quarterly book swap: Tell neighbors to bring books they’ve read. Set a 2-hour window. People stop by, swap books, chat.
Monthly coffee on the porch: Same concept as popsicles, but coffee. You’re out there anyway. Might as well invite neighbors to join.
Driveway pancake breakfast: Someone drags their griddle to the driveway. Makes pancakes. Neighbors bring lawn chairs and hang out.
Annual neighborhood festival attendance: Make it a tradition to actually GO to your local festival together. Meet at a specific spot. Walk around together.
Holiday lights walk: Every December, bundle up and walk through the neighborhood to look at lights together.
The Favorite Things Party (Episode 52: Erin Woodruff)
This is a more structured example, but I love it.
Erin wanted to know her neighbors. So she hosted a Favorite Things Party during the holidays.
She invited everyone within two blocks. Each person brought their favorite thing (under $20) and a story about why they love it.
Everyone went home with a new favorite thing and knew their neighbors better.
She does this every year now. It’s become THE neighborhood tradition.
Is it more effort than popsicles? Yes. But it’s still sustainable for her. And it stuck.
Virtual Options for Community:
Neighborhood Facebook group with regular themed posts: “Taco Tuesday recommendations” or “Share your garden photos Friday.”
Virtual coffee chat for your running club: Monthly Zoom where people just hang out and chat about non-running stuff
Online book club for your HOA: Pick a book, meet on Zoom monthly to discuss
The key for all of these: OPEN INVITE. LOW BARRIER. SUSTAINABLE EFFORT.
You’re not trying to become best friends with everyone. You’re just creating touchpoints. Creating familiarity. Creating community.
Traditions for Defined Friends
These are your gym friends, work friends, mom friends, and running buddies.
People you consider friends, but mainly in one specific context.
The tradition can stay in that context. Or (and this is powerful) it can pull you OUT of that context and deepen the friendship.
Both are valuable. You get to choose.
Staying In Context:
Gym friends: annual race together: You already work out together. Make it a tradition to do one race together each year. Same race, every year.
Work friends: quarterly lunch off-site: Once a quarter, leave the office. Go somewhere fun. No work talk allowed for the first 20 minutes.
Running friends: weekly training check-in text thread: Every Sunday, everyone posts their weekly mileage and how they’re feeling. Simple. Quick. Connecting.
Book club friends: annual reading retreat: Once a year, rent a cabin. Bring books. Read in silence together. Make meals. Talk about books.
Pulling OUT of Context:
This is where you deepen the friendship beyond just the shared activity.
Gym friends: monthly pizza night: After your Saturday workout, go get pizza together. Talk about life, not just fitness.
Work friends: annual holiday gift exchange: Get together outside of work. Exchange small gifts. See each other as humans, not just coworkers.
Mom friends: monthly moms-only dinner: Once a month, no kids. Just adults. Actual conversation. Remember who you are beyond “mom.”
Neighbor friends: quarterly game night: You wave at each other in driveways. Now actually hang out. Play games. Laugh together.
The Med Student Failure Celebration
This example lives in my head rent-free.
A group of med students created a text thread to celebrate rejections from journals.
Every time someone got a “no,” they posted it. And everyone cheered.
Because the only way to get yeses is to get a bunch of nos first.
They wanted to celebrate the trying. Putting yourself out there. The inevitable failures on the way to success.
That’s a tradition. A ritual. A way of showing up for each other in a specific, meaningful way.
Virtual Options for Defined Friends:
Weekly emoji day recap: Every night, send one emoji that sums up your day. That’s it. Just one emoji.
Monthly voice memo catch-up: Once a month, send a 5-minute voice memo updating each other on life.
Quarterly virtual cooking session: Pick a recipe. FaceTime while you both cook it. Chat while you cook.
Weekly accountability text: If you’re training for something or working on a goal, text each other every week with progress.
The key here: PICK YOUR FREQUENCY. Make it sustainable. Decide if you want to stay in context or go deeper.
Traditions for Present & Historic Friends
These are your closest people.
The friends you consider family. The ones you want in your life forever.
This is where you can get more intentional. Where you can co-create traditions together.
Because you’re close enough to actually have these conversations.
How to Co-Create Traditions:
Don’t just pick something and hope they show up.
Actually talk about it:
“If we were going to do something together every year, what would you want it to be?”
“What’s a fun, easy way for us to catch up more regularly?”
“If we could create more experiences and memories together, what kinds of things sound fun?”
Then see what comes up. Brainstorm together. Make it a conversation, not a demand.
My Monday Morning Paddleboarding
I told you about this at the beginning.
Started as Thursday business meetings. Became Monday paddleboarding.
It evolved. It changed. But the core (consistent time together) stayed the same.
That’s what matters. Not that it stays exactly the same forever.
But you keep showing up. That it’s sustainable enough to maintain.
Other Present/Historic Friend Tradition Ideas:
Monthly new restaurant: Take turns picking. Make a rule: has to be somewhere neither of you has been. Creates novelty. Creates conversation.
Weekly walk-and-talk: Pick a day. Pick a time. Call each other. Go for a walk. Talk about whatever.
Quarterly life update presentations: Make it fun. Do PowerPoint if you want. Or just: here’s what I achieved, here’s my goals, here’s where I need support.
Annual friend trip: Doesn’t have to be elaborate. Could be one night at a local Airbnb. Could be a weekend road trip. Just time away together, every year.
Virtual FaceTime cooking: Pick a night. Pick a recipe. Cook “together” over FaceTime. Chat while you cook. Eat while you talk.
Book club for two: Read the same book. Mail it to each other with notes in the margins. (This is something I’ve actually done. So fun.)
Sunday morning kitchen cleaning hangout: Both of you clean your kitchens. FaceTime while you do it. Chat. Make it less boring.
Weekly photo dump: Every Sunday, drop 5 photos in a text thread that sum up your week. No explanation needed unless you want to give one.
The Christmas Party That Became a Tradition
Some friends of ours have hosted a Christmas party for 16 years.
This is our 3rd or 4th year going.
And I realized recently: if they couldn’t host it for some reason, I would offer our house.
Even though 75% of the guests are people I barely know. Friends of friends.
That’s how you know a tradition has stuck. When other people care about it enough to help maintain it.
Virtual Options for Close Friends:
Monthly Zoom dinner date: Both cook. Eat “together” over Zoom. Actually talk without distractions.
Weekly voice memo exchange: Send each other voice memos throughout the week. Like an ongoing conversation.
Quarterly virtual game night: Play online games together. Jackbox. Among Us. Whatever you’re into.
Daily “good morning” text: Literally just “good morning.” Every day. Consistent touchpoint.
The key here: CO-CREATE. Talk about it. Make it something you BOTH want. And keep it sustainable.
How to Make Traditions Actually Stick
Okay, so you have ideas. You’re excited.
But how do you make sure it actually becomes a tradition? That it doesn’t fizzle after one attempt?
Ask yourself these four questions BEFORE you commit:
1. Can I realistically maintain this frequency?
Be honest. Not “could I do this if everything goes perfectly?” Can you do this even when life gets messy?
More frequent = people buy in faster, it becomes a ritual sooner
Less frequent = more time between, less pressure, more sustainable long-term
There’s no right answer. Just what works for YOU.
2. Does this fit my current budget and time constraints?
Don’t create a tradition that requires $200 and 10 hours of prep if you don’t have that.
Start with what you CAN sustain. You can always scale up later.
Popsicles before pancakes. Coffee before dinner out. Text thread before monthly hangouts.
3. How would this adapt as circumstances change?
Life changes. People move. Have kids. Change jobs. Get sick.
Can this tradition flex? Can it go virtual if needed? Can someone else take over hosting sometimes?
Build in flexibility from the start.
4. Am I excited to do this repeatedly?
This is the most important one.
If you’re not genuinely excited about it, you won’t maintain it.
Don’t create a tradition because you think you SHOULD. Create one because you WANT to.
If it feels like a chore before you even start, pick something else.
How to Know Your Tradition Is Actually Working
You’ll know a tradition has stuck when:
People start asking about it. “When’s the next popsicle Friday?” “Are we doing the Christmas party again this year?”
People plan around it. They block off the time. They don’t schedule other things. They prioritize it.
It becomes part of your shared language. You reference it in conversation. “Remember at the pancake breakfast when…” “I’ll tell you about it on our Monday paddle.”
Other people start asking how they can help. They want to co-host. They want to bring something. They want to be part of making it happen.
That’s when you know: this isn’t just your thing anymore. It’s OUR thing.
The Initiator Conversation We Need to Have
I know what some of you are thinking:
“But why does it always have to be ME who initiates? Why am I always the one planning things?”
I get it. I’ve felt that way too.
It IS work. It IS emotional labor. It IS often unpaid, unrecognized effort.
And I wish I could tell you that’s going to change immediately.
But here’s what I want to reframe:
Being the initiator is a privilege. It’s an honor.
You get to CREATE the traditions you want. You get to build the community you need.
You’re not the schmuck who got stuck with this. You’re the change-maker.
And here’s what I’ve found over the years of being the initiator:
Eventually, other people start initiating too.
Not immediately. It takes time. Sometimes years.
But when people see the value of traditions (when they experience how good it feels to have these touchpoints) they start creating their own.
They start asking: “Can we do this?” “What if we tried that?”
It becomes a culture shift in your friend group.
But someone has to start it. And if that’s you, own it.
Don’t do it with resentment. Don’t do it while keeping score.
Do it because you want these traditions in your life. Do it because you see the value.
And trust that eventually, others will too.
Where Should YOU Start?
Okay, you’re convinced. You want to create a tradition.
But where do you start?
Ask yourself these four questions:
1. What types of connections am I looking to deepen?
Your neighbors? Your work friends? Your closest friends? Your broader community?
Pick one. Don’t try to start traditions everywhere at once.
2. What’s already happening naturally that could become more intentional?
Do you already walk with a friend sometimes? Make it a standing date. Every other Friday at 7am.
Do you already text a friend occasionally? Make it a weekly check-in. Every Sunday night.
Take what’s already working and add structure to it.
3. What’s a sustainable frequency for me?
Weekly? Monthly? Quarterly? Annually?
Be honest about what you can maintain. Remember: you can always scale up.
4. What format seems to be working best in my current season?
In-person? Virtual? A mix?
Don’t force in-person if virtual is more sustainable right now. And vice versa.
Meet yourself where you are.
Start Small. Scale Up Later.
I cannot emphasize this enough:
Start so small it feels almost silly.
Popsicles, not a full barbecue.
One emoji per day, not a daily phone call.
Monthly dinner, not weekly hangouts.
You can ALWAYS scale up.
That popsicle hangout? It might turn into popsicles + water slides + a barbecue.
That monthly dinner? It might become twice a month. Then weekly.
But you can’t scale up if you burn out in round one.
So start small. Prove to yourself you can maintain it. Then add more if you want.
My Challenge to You
Pick ONE tradition to start this month.
Just one.
Maybe it’s:
- ▪️ Popsicles on your porch next Friday
- ▪️ A text to a friend: “Want to make our walks a standing thing? Every other Tuesday?”
- ▪️ A message to your neighbors: “I’m doing a book swap in my driveway next Saturday. Bring books!”
- ▪️ A call to your best friend: “What if we picked a new restaurant to try every month?”
Just one. Start somewhere.
And then tell me about it. I want to hear what you create.
Because here’s the thing: I don’t have all the examples. I don’t know every possible tradition.
But collectively, we do. So share what you’re doing. Inspire others.
Send me a message. Tell me what you’re trying. Tell me what worked. Tell me what didn’t.
Let’s build a library of traditions that actually stick.
What I Want You to Remember
Traditions don’t have to be elaborate. They don’t have to be expensive. They don’t have to be exhausting.
They just need to be meaningful. And maintainable.
Start small. Be consistent. Let things evolve naturally over time.
My Monday morning paddleboarding started as Thursday business meetings.
It changed. It evolved. But it stuck.
Because it was sustainable. Because we both wanted it. Because we kept showing up.
That’s all a tradition needs to be.
Something you keep showing up for. Something that creates safety and dependability in your friendships.
Something that, eight years later, you’re still doing every Monday at 7am.
Even when it’s cold. Even when it’s raining. Even when life is messy.
Because that’s what traditions do: They give us something to count on.
And we all need that.
Created a tradition that’s stuck? Drop them in the comments below.
Want to hear more about community traditions? Go listen to Episode 52 with Erin Woodruff about her Favorite Things Party. She breaks down exactly how she created a neighborhood tradition that’s still going strong.
Overwhelmed by options? Start with the popsicle strategy. Literally. Get a box of popsicles, pick a time, tell your neighbors. See what happens. You can figure out the rest later.
Want to hear about all 12 traditions I tried and the honest truth about what happened? Tune into the full episode for the complete story, including the traditions that surprised me and the ones I had to let go of.
