There’s a core value at GiveInKind that I think we all need to hear:
No one is more or less deserving of support.
Read that again. No one is more or less deserving of support.
Not based on how much money you have. Not based on how “bad” your situation is compared to someone else’s. Not based on the size of what you need.
You are deserving of help. Period.
And yet, most of us don’t believe that.
Meet Laura Malcolm (And GiveInKind)
Today I’m talking with Laura Malcolm, the founder and CEO of GiveInKind.
If you haven’t heard of GiveInKind, let me tell you what it is:
It’s an online platform (basically a one-stop shop) for organizing support for people.
Here’s what you can do on GiveInKind:
- ▪️ Share updates and backstory
- ▪️ Set up a care calendar (meals, rides, dog walking, doctor appointments, childcare… literally anything)
- ▪️ Create a wish list (tangible products AND gift cards that can be shuffled around based on actual needs)
- ▪️ Link your GoFundMe
- ▪️ Share communication preferences (Do you want texts? Can people stop by?)
- ▪️ Send automated thank you notes
It’s everything in one place.
And Laura created it for a very personal reason.
Laura’s Story (Why GiveInKind Exists)
In 2013, Laura and her husband James lost their first child, their daughter Layla, just before birth.
Unexplained stillbirth.
At the time, they were living and working just outside of Los Angeles.
Laura’s coworkers set up a meal train for them.
Laura had never used a meal train before. Didn’t even know what it was.
And what a beautiful concept, right? This outpouring of support in a critical, challenging time.
They needed it. They weren’t going to feed themselves. If someone didn’t show up with food, they weren’t going to eat.
The Problem
But here’s the challenge: Their friends and family were scattered all across the country.
So the meal train actually created work. Not just for Laura and James, but for the people closest to them.
Because those people were fielding questions from everyone else.
You know those circles of support? The inner circle, then the connected ones, then friends who are like family?
Those close people were helping answer questions. And they were all grieving too.
They were getting texts: What restaurant do they want? What do they need?
Laura remembers her aunt saying she’d called a Whole Foods in Venice Beach multiple times, just trying to figure out how to deliver cookies.
At that point, we had Instacart and UberEats. But the whole country didn’t. And people weren’t familiar with them.
What Laura Did About It
So Laura took her background in product management for technology and designed a more modern way to show up for loved ones.
She spent time with families going through pediatric cancer journeys to understand the complexities of support they needed.
Not just meals. But:
Slots for walking the dog. Driving kids to school. Organizing playdates. Sharing items they needed. Sharing updates so they don’t have to ask.
Everything in one place. Everyone gets emailed.
The Surprising Feature Request
And then something caught Laura by surprise.
The moms said, “We need an easy way to send thank-you notes to everyone who helped us.”
Laura thought: That’s what you’re thinking about? You’re worried about sending thank-you notes?
But they were.
So GiveInKind added automated thank-you notes. Every time you get a gift, you can click “send a thank you.” It populates some copy and sends it to the person who helped.
From the person setting up the page to the person giving a gift, getting thanked. It’s supposed to be a complete experience.
The Conversation We Need to Have
Now that you know what GiveInKind is and why it exists, let’s talk about why we don’t use platforms like this.
Why we don’t ask for help. Why we don’t accept support.
Because this is the real issue.
“I Can Afford It, So I Don’t Deserve Help”
This is the big one. And it’s coming up a LOT right now with the LA fires.
The areas burning in Los Angeles are, on average, incredibly affluent.
And people are saying things like:
“They have money. They don’t need help.”
“Just use GoFundMe. Money solves everything.”
Laura told me someone once challenged her and said, “I think your platform is stupid, because there is nothing that money can’t solve.”
And she hates this. I hate this too.
Here’s why:
Money Doesn’t Solve the Need for Connection
Yes, if you have money, you can hire TaskRabbit to pick up your package.
You can pay for Instacart to deliver groceries.
You can hire someone to bring in your trash cans.
But that’s not what we’re talking about.
We’re talking about someone showing up for you. The act of connection.
We’re talking about belonging.
If nobody shows up to care for you (if you just pay for everything) then every time you walk out of your house, you’re a little on edge. A little anxious.
It’s hard to exist that way.
At a bare minimum, we all deserve to feel like we belong. And part of that is people interacting with you.
The Person With Money Might Not Need the Thing: They Need the Connection
Laura said this perfectly:
“The person who has enough money to pay someone to bring in their trash cans? They may not actually even need someone to bring in their trash cans.
Maybe they just need somebody to walk by and wave at their Ring camera to know they’re not alone.”
And that has nothing to do with money.
If We Leave People Out, They Won’t Pour Back In
Here’s another piece of this:
If we exclude people with money from community care and mutual aid, what happens when they’re able to give back?
When they have resources (monetary, connections, ability to hire someone to help), and we’ve left them out in the cold?
Why would they pour back in?
The point is to bring everyone together. For everyone to show up for everyone.
Not to decide who’s “deserving enough” based on their bank account.
Laura’s story behind GiveInKind is just the beginning. Listen to the full episode to hear why accepting help is just as important as giving it.
“Someone Else Has It Worse”
This is the other big one.
We compare ourselves and decide we’re not deserving.
Laura said, “I might have just had a new baby, but my friend just had her third baby while undergoing cancer treatment. So I can’t get support from my community because I don’t deserve it as much.”
Stop. Stop doing this.
We’re all hanging by a thread in different ways.
Your struggle doesn’t have to be the “worst” struggle to be worthy of support.
“It’s Too Small to Ask For”
And then there’s this: We think the thing we need is too small to bother someone with.
Let me give you some examples.
The Package Story
I was gone for a weekend. A package was delivered a week earlier than expected.
We lived on a busy street. I didn’t want to leave it sitting on the porch for days.
And I spiraled.
Why didn’t I stop the mail? I’m so dumb and irresponsible. This is all my fault.
(Mind you, the package wasn’t even supposed to come for another week.)
Then I thought: Should I text my neighbor?
But I’d had to ask her to grab a package like a month before. So now I felt like I should have known better.
If it gets stolen, that’s my fault. We’re out a couple of hundred dollars. It is what it is.
And I’m sitting there trying to decide: Do I text her and ask her to walk 50 feet to grab this package? Or do I risk losing money?
This whole thing is so silly. It’s just a package.
But then think about this: Imagine you have a kid in kindergarten. You’re stuck in traffic. Nobody’s home. The kid’s getting off the bus with nowhere to go.
That’s a much bigger situation. And that’s the weight we’re all carrying.
A million little tasks a day.
The Elevator Eggs Story
I have another example.
I live in a building with just a few units. Everyone knows everyone.
I was in the elevator with a neighbor. We’d both been at the little market down the street.
I got what I needed. She didn’t.
I said, “Oh, they didn’t have what you needed?”
She said: “Oh, they never do.”
I said something like: “I hope you can find what you need for dinner.”
She said, “Oh no, it’s actually just for baking something.”
And then the elevator door opened. She left.
And I stood there thinking: What are you baking that you couldn’t just SAY?
What specialty item is this that you couldn’t be like: “Yeah, I really needed sugar.”
I have so much sugar. I would happily give you some.
But because she couldn’t even say it out loud, I couldn’t offer.
And I think during the 2020 pandemic bubble, someone probably would have asked.
Because maybe they couldn’t get that item. There was a shortage. They didn’t feel safe going to the store.
But now we’ve gone back to this thing.
And I leave these interactions thinking: Why couldn’t you just mention you needed eggs? I have a whole dozen. I’ll happily give you two.
The Wildly Unbalanced Equation
Here’s what Laura said that really hit me:
“The amount of thought I have ever put into ASKING somebody for something versus the amount of thought I have ever put into DOING the thing somebody asked me to do is so wildly unbalanced.”
Read that again.
When someone asks you to do something, do you spiral about it? Do you resent them? Do you think it’s a burden?
Or do you think: Oh great! I can help! This is easy!
We overthink asking. We underthink doing.
And Laura said: “I love it when somebody asks me to do something. If I have an opportunity to save the day (especially when it’s so small) oh, you need me to pick up your kid and bring them home? I’m your lifesaver.”
It’s so easy. And she feels amazing because she got to help.
And they trusted her enough to ask.
The Vulnerability Piece
I think we need to talk about why this is so hard.
Asking for help is vulnerable. You’re admitting you need something. You’re showing you can’t do it all alone.
But giving help is vulnerable too.
Think about giving someone a ride:
- ▪️ They know where you live now
- ▪️ They see the inside of your car
- ▪️ You have to navigate conversation
- ▪️ You might have to be vocal about when you’re ready to leave
There’s vulnerability in action. In experiencing things together.
And I think we focus so much on vulnerability as sitting, talking, and sharing deep thoughts.
But there’s way less focus on the vulnerability in ACTION.
When you let someone help you (even with eggs or a package), you’re building vulnerability. You’re strengthening the relationship.
You may not share a single deep thought. But you’re building a deep connection.
There’s so much more to unpack about building a culture of giving and receiving support. Tune into the complete episode for practical ways to start practicing today.
Practice the Muscle (Don’t Wait for Crisis)
Here’s what Laura and I both know:
If you don’t practice asking for and receiving help in small ways, you won’t be able to do it in big ways.
If you can’t ask your neighbor for eggs, how are you going to ask for help when you’re in crisis?
If you can’t let someone pick up your package, how are you going to let someone sit with you in the hospital?
The small stuff is practice for the big stuff.
And if you wait until a crisis to develop this muscle? It’s so much harder.
You’re already vulnerable because of the crisis. You’re already struggling.
And now you have to be even MORE vulnerable to let someone help you.
Don’t wait. Practice now.
How to Practice
Ask for small things:
- ▪️ Can I borrow eggs?
- ▪️ Can you grab my package?
- ▪️ Can I get a ride with you?
Offer small things repeatedly:
- ▪️ I’m going to the store. Need anything?
- ▪️ I’m driving that direction. Want a ride?
- ▪️ I have extra [thing]. Want some?
Let people help you:
- ▪️ When someone offers, say yes
- ▪️ Don’t immediately try to pay them
- ▪️ Trust their yes
Trust People’s Yeses
I had a conversation with a friend on a 12-day road trip.
On day six, we talked about how the trip was going. We both felt like it was going really well.
And one of the things we landed on: We really trusted each other’s yeses.
When one of us said, “Yeah, I’m okay with that,” we didn’t second-guess it.
We didn’t believe they were lying to make us happy.
We trusted the yeses.
And I’ve been trying to bring that into all my relationships.
Take people at their word. Stop twisting what they might be thinking.
If they say yes, believe them.
The Small Favors Economy
Laura and I talked about this idea of a “small favors economy.”
And there’s a pattern to watch for:
Your friend offers to watch your dog for the weekend. They’re excited. They love dogs.
You come home. You say thank you.
And then this thing happens that spoils it all:
You try to pay them.
Stop. Stop doing that.
They were excited to help. Let them have the gift of helping you.
When you try to pay them, you’re saying: “I don’t trust that you actually wanted to do this. I think you need to be compensated.”
But they wanted to do it. They offered.
Let them help.
Laura’s Own Example (Because We’re All Working On This)
Laura told me this story:
She was telling someone how they got an au pair because traveling for two days without help was a nightmare.
And the person said, “Why didn’t you just drop your kids at my house?”
Laura said, “I am trying to do all the things. I can talk about this. I can do the actions. But when it came to the moment, I didn’t think beyond hyper-independence.”
So yeah. We’re all working on this. Building the muscle. Practicing.
Even the person who literally founded a platform for organizing support still struggles to ask for help.
This is hard. We’re all learning.
What Laura Wants You to Know
At the end of our conversation, I asked Laura what she wanted people to take away.
She said, “It’s putting yourself out there on both sides. It’s uncomfortable to go to someone and say ‘Can I organize support for you?’ It’s uncomfortable to ask for help.
But as we practice the giving and receiving of help (as we practice saying ‘I’ll be the one to do this’), we will all be better for it.”
And then she said something that brought us right back to the LA fires:
“Everybody around the US (maybe the world) is looking at Los Angeles today, thinking, ‘That’s really hard. What should I be doing to help?’
If we can make it easier for people to find the answers to that question (by putting it out there ourselves), then we keep strengthening those webs of connection.”
What I Want You to Know
Here’s what I want you to take from this conversation:
You are deserving of help. All of you.
Not just the people in crisis. Not just the people who can’t afford to pay for it. Not just the people whose situation is “bad enough.”
All of you.
The person who needs eggs. The person who needs a package grabbed it. The person who needs a ride.
The person who just lost their home in a fire, even if they have money.
Because this isn’t about money. It’s about connection. It’s about belonging.
And we all (ALL of us) deserve that.
Your Action Steps
1. Check out GiveInKind
Go to GiveInKind.com
Set up a page for yourself or someone you love.
Or just know it’s there for when you need it.
2. Practice asking for small things
This week, ask someone for something small.
Eggs. A ride. Help with a task.
Just practice. Build the muscle.
3. Practice offering small things
And offer something small to someone else.
Be specific. Not “let me know if you need anything.”
“I’m going to the store. Need anything?” “I’m driving that way. Want a ride?”
4. Trust people’s yeses
When someone says yes, believe them.
Don’t twist it. Don’t second-guess. Just trust them.
5. Stop trying to pay people for help
When someone offers to help (and they’re excited about it) let them help.
Don’t try to pay them. Let them have the gift of showing up for you.
One More Thing
If you’re listening to this and thinking: But I can afford to pay for help. I shouldn’t take up space.
Stop.
You are not taking up space. You are creating connection.
You are showing people they matter to you. That you trust them. That you’re willing to be vulnerable.
And you’re building the web that will hold all of us when we need it.
Because here’s the truth: We’re all going to need it at some point.
The LA fires are a reminder of that. Crisis doesn’t discriminate based on bank account.
So build the web now. Practice now. Ask for eggs now.
So that when the big stuff hits (for you or for someone you love) the muscle is already there.
You already know how to ask. You already know how to receive.
And your people already know how to show up.
Want to check out GiveInKind? Go to GiveInKind.com. It’s linked in the show notes. Set up a page, or just familiarize yourself with it so you know it’s there when you or someone you love needs it.
Want more on giving and receiving support? Go back and listen to Episode 112 (how to show up in crisis) and Episode 113 (the hidden costs of being the strong friend). This has been a whole series on support. There’s so much more to explore.
If this conversation about giving and receiving help resonated with you, listen to the full episode here for even more insight from Laura Malcolm and actionable steps you can take right now.
