I have a photo from about ten years ago somewhere.
There are 20+ people crammed into my tiny apartment for one of our legendary friend-family brunches.
And at least eight of them are sitting on the floor.
Criss-cross applesauce. Around my coffee table.
Which, by the way, I built myself out of copper piping and a piece of plywood that I stained.
This was not a sturdy coffee table. This was not a “Martha Stewart Living” moment.
But nobody cared.
They were laughing. Eating. Passing plates over each other’s heads. Spilling mimosas. Making memories.
Because here’s the truth about hosting:
People don’t care about your cheese knives, folding chairs, or 28-piece place settings.
They care about being together.
And if you’re sitting there right now thinking you can’t host because you don’t have the right setup, budget, or the perfect home?
I’m here to tell you: You absolutely can.
The Martha Stewart Trap (And How I Fell Into It)
Let me paint you a picture of what happens when most people decide to host:
You have a creative gathering idea. People have been wanting to see your new place. You’re like: “Okay, I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna send the invite.”
Then you start spiraling:
“Oh my god, I need to deep clean everything. I need to organize everything. What am I going to serve for dinner? Where will people even EAT? I don’t have enough chairs. I don’t have enough plates and place settings.”
“I was thinking about doing a cheese board, but I don’t have cheese knives. Or honestly, a board to serve the cheese on.”
“So I should probably buy folding chairs. And more place settings. Or nice disposables? And a cheese board. And cheese knives.”
And just like that, hosting has become expensive and overwhelming.
I call this the Martha Stewart trap.
And I should know—because I fell into it HARD.
My Martha Stewart Origin Story
I grew up with Martha Stewart Living arriving at our house every month without fail.
My mom LOVED Martha Stewart. We watched all her shows. Her magazines were displayed prominently. My mom would pull them down to reference for parties and holidays.
I absorbed this idea that hosting meant putting on a SHOW.
Everything had to look picture-perfect. Like it could go in a magazine.
And then I became a professional wedding and event planner for over a decade.
You’d think that would make me an amazing host, right?
Wrong.
It actually made it WORSE for a while.
Because in the wedding industry, there IS a formula. And that formula changes by decade, but it always exists.
The right flowers. The right color palette. The right table settings. The signature cocktail. The carefully curated appetizers.
Everything is designed to look like it belongs in Martha Stewart Weddings.
And for a while, I brought that energy into my personal hosting.
Until I realized: That’s not actually what makes a great gathering.
The Difference Between Entertaining and Hosting
Here’s what I learned from my decade in the wedding industry:
There’s a difference between entertaining and hosting.
Entertaining is putting on a show.
It’s about making everything look perfect. Following the formula. Serving a fancy meal. Having all the right things. The fully stocked bar. The ice bucket. The place cards.
Entertaining is what you see in magazines.
Hosting is creating a space where people feel comfortable connecting.
That’s it.
Hosting is about PEOPLE. Entertaining is about PRESENTATION.
And honestly? When I look back at my wedding-planning career, I was actually a better HOST than an entertainer.
Because what I cared about most wasn’t whether the centerpieces were perfect.
It was whether people felt welcomed. Whether they felt connected. Whether they had a good time.
And the same is true in my personal life now.
I’d rather have 20 people sitting on my floor, having an amazing time, than 10 people sitting in perfect chairs, feeling uncomfortable.
You Don’t Even Need to Host at Your Home
Here’s another reframe I want to offer:
When most people think about hosting, they think it means having people to their home.
But that’s not true at all.
Think about it: When I was a wedding planner, people almost NEVER hosted at their home.
They rented hotel ballrooms. They rented wedding venues. They rented farms hours away. They did destination weddings across the world.
People host events NOT in their homes all the time.
So, if you have it in your head that you need to open your home to be a host?
You don’t.
Example: The Parade Host
This is actually happening this week with some friends.
One of our friends is “hosting” a gathering to watch a local holiday parade.
That’s it. It’s free.
(I mean, we have to get there, so there are transportation costs. But otherwise? Free.)
But what she DID do is organize everyone. She figured out the timing. She told us where we’re meeting. She’s coordinating the whole thing.
We’re all going to get together and watch this parade.
She’s the host. The city is the venue.
Other Free/Cheap Hosting Options:
Game shops: Many have free table reservations (usually 2 hours). They have tons of games you can borrow. Yes, they’ll give you a coupon hoping you buy something, but you don’t have to.
Libraries: Most have rooms you can reserve. FOR FREE. Perfect for game nights, book clubs, and craft sessions.
Community centers: Often have spaces you can reserve for very little money.
Parks: The classic. And honestly, one of my favorites.
Museums: Research your city. Seattle has free museum hours the first Thursday of every month from 5-8 pm at 20+ museums. You could organize a monthly museum crawl.
Coffee shops: Book club in the back corner. Everyone buys their own coffee. You’re the organizer who makes it happen.
The point: Hosting is about being the INITIATOR and ORGANIZER.
You don’t have to be the venue.
The Six Roles of Hosting (You Don’t Have to Do Them All)
Okay, so this comes from my wedding planning background, but it applies to ALL hosting.
There are six roles in any gathering:
- The Initiator (the person who says “let’s do this”)
- The Organizer (logistics, invites, timing)
- The Food Person (provides/coordinates food)
- Decor and Mood (sets the vibe)
- Day-of Organizer (manages flow during the event)
- Cleaning (before and after)
Here’s the secret: You don’t have to do all six.
In fact, you probably SHOULDN’T try to do all six.
When I host now, I usually just do 1-2 of these roles.
I’m the initiator and organizer. I coordinate the gathering.
But food? That’s often a potluck.
Decor? Minimal or nonexistent.
Day-of organizing? I let it flow naturally.
Cleaning? I do a basic tidy, but I’m not scrubbing baseboards.
The gathering still happens. People still connect. It’s still meaningful.
(I actually have a whole audio guide about this called the Six Roles of Hosting Guide. It’s like seven 5-minute audios that completely shift how you think about gathering. Link in the show notes if you want to dive deeper.)
If You DO Want to Provide Food (Without Breaking the Bank)
Okay, so maybe you DO want to host at your home. And you DO want to provide food.
Let me tell you: Potlucks are your friend.
I know, I know. There’s this idea that if you’re hosting, you should provide ALL the food.
But why?
Even when I tell people, “Don’t bring anything, I’ve got all the food covered,” people STILL show up with dishes.
People STILL ask, “Can I bring a salad?”
Because people WANT to contribute.
So let go of any shame or anxiety about potlucks.
And get creative with them.
Creative Potluck Ideas I’ve Actually Done:
Clean Out Your Freezer Night
Everyone brings one thing from their freezer that’s been sitting there for months.
That Trader Joe’s appetizer you bought thinking you’d make it for a party that never happened? Bring it.
That frozen meal you thought you’d love but it’s just… fine? Bring it.
We had SO much fun with this one. It was hilarious, weird, and memorable.
Trader Joe’s Discovery Night
This was a girls’ slumber party at a friend’s house.
We all went to Trader Joe’s together and bought ONE thing we’d always wanted to try but never had a reason to buy.
Usually appetizer-type things. We each spent like $5-8.
Then we cooked them all and had a feast.
Favorite Cookies Night
Don’t cook dinner. Just cookies.
People can bring packaged cookies or bake them. Whatever.
It’s just cookies. That’s the whole thing.
Movie Night with Popcorn Bar
Everyone brings their favorite popcorn topping.
You provide the popcorn (cheap!). They bring toppings (also cheap!).
Sauce Party
I saw this on TikTok recently and I’m OBSESSED.
Everyone brings their favorite pasta sauce. The host cooks pasta (super cheap).
You try all the sauces and rank them.
Make Your Own Pizza Night
This one is LEGENDARY in my friend group.
Buy pizza dough (Trader Joe’s or most grocery stores have it cheap). Buy a couple jars of sauce.
Everyone brings their favorite topping.
Then you make pizzas from the combination of toppings everyone brought.
The point: Food doesn’t have to be fancy or expensive to be fun.
In fact, the most memorable food nights are usually the weird, creative ones.
If Food Just Isn’t Your Thing
Here’s another option:
Host a midday gathering with NO FOOD.
Be upfront about it. “Hey, we’re getting together from 2-4 pm to play games. No food provided, but feel free to bring snacks if you want.”
You don’t have to cook a big, fancy meal for it to be worthwhile.
Or do what I do sometimes: Just provide coffee.
Sunday morning coffee book club at my house. I make a pot of coffee. Maybe I buy donuts, maybe I don’t.
That’s it.
People are just happy to be let into my life a little bit. To see my space. To connect.
We share tons of creative, budget-friendly hosting ideas throughout this episode. Listen to the full episode to hear them all.
When You’re Actually Broke (Free Hosting Ideas)
Okay, so what if you’re thinking: “Alex, I want to get people together, but I’m BROKE. There’s literally no money in the gathering budget this month.”
I got you.
Park Picnics
My absolute favorite.
Pick a park. Pick a time range (like “we’ll be there from 9 am-3 pm”).
Bring a blanket. Tell people to bring whatever they want—games, food, drinks, whatever.
People show up when they can. Leave when they need to.
Usually, everyone ends up sharing whatever they brought. It becomes this beautiful communal thing.
Cost: $0.
First Thursday Museum Crawl
(This is Seattle-specific, but research your own city for similar programs.)
Seattle has free museum hours the first Thursday of every month from 5-8 pm at 20ish museums.
Organize a monthly museum crawl. Create a calendar. Let people vote on which museum each month.
Grab cheap pizza beforehand if you want.
Cost: $0 for museums, maybe $3 for a slice of pizza.
Library Game Night
Reserve a room at your library (free!).
Bring games from home or borrow them from the library.
Cost: $0.
Free Attraction Tickets
Again, Seattle-specific, but many cities have programs like this.
Seattle offers free tickets to attractions (aquarium, zoo, etc.). You have to be quick to snag them, but it’s not THAT hard.
Do the research. Get the tickets. Text your friends: “Who wants to go to the aquarium today? I got free tickets.”
Cost: $0.
Community Events
Look up free events in your city. Parades. Festivals. Outdoor concerts. Art walks.
Be the organizer. Coordinate where you’re meeting. What time. Who’s coming.
You’re the host. The city is providing the entertainment.
Cost: $0.
But What If I WANT to Host at My Home?
Okay, so maybe you’re like: “Alex, I really DO want to have people over to my place. I just moved and I want people to see it. Or gathering at home is a bucket list goal for me this year.”
I get it.
And I’m here to tell you: Inviting people into your space is incredibly vulnerable and valuable.
When someone comes into your home, they see:
- ▪️ What’s in your refrigerator
- ▪️ Whether you make your bed (or not)
- ▪️ What’s on your bookshelf
- ▪️ What games you play
- ▪️ What’s on your fridge (photos? concert tickets? kids’ drawings?)
People learn SO much about you just by being in your space.
It’s a form of vulnerability that doesn’t require sitting down and sharing your deepest life stories.
So yes, it’s worth pushing past discomfort to let people in.
“But My Home Isn’t Big Enough”
People. Do. Not. Care.
I’m going to say it again because I need you to hear me:
PEOPLE DO NOT CARE.
Remember that photo I mentioned at the beginning? Twenty-plus people in my tiny apartment?
Eight of them sitting on the floor around a DIY coffee table made of copper piping and plywood?
Nobody cared.
In fact, those gatherings are some of people’s favorite memories.
Because we were TOGETHER.
“But I Don’t Have Enough Chairs/Plates/Whatever”
People will sit on the floor.
People will eat off paper plates.
People will share cups.
People will make it work.
Because what they actually want isn’t perfect presentation.
What they want is to be let into your life. To feel welcomed. To connect.
The Real Work of Hosting (It’s Not What You Think)
Here’s what I’ve learned:
The real work of hosting isn’t scrubbing baseboards or buying cheese knives.
It’s managing YOUR OWN FEELINGS about people being in your space.
We’ve all heard jokes about the “stressed-out host,” right?
The person who’s constantly like:
- ▪️ “Oh, don’t open that cabinet!”
- ▪️ “No, no, I’ll get it for you!”
- ▪️ “Sorry about the mess!” (when there is no mess)
That energy makes everyone uncomfortable.
So here’s where I want you to spend your energy:
Not on making everything perfect.
But on being GROUNDED. Being CALM.
When your brain starts spiraling about:
- ▪️ “Are they going to notice the paint spots on the ceiling?”
- ▪️ “That drawer is broken, what if they see?”
- ▪️ “I should have cleaned more.”
Redirect that energy to:
“It’s okay. We’re all people. They probably have spaces like this in their homes, too. What matters is that we’re together.”
THAT’S what makes people feel welcomed, connected, and engaged.
Not your spotless baseboards.
Your grounded, calm presence.
The Mindset Shifts You Need to Make
Okay, let’s recap the big reframes:
1. Hosting ≠ Entertaining
Entertaining = putting on a show
Hosting = creating space for connection
You don’t need to be Martha Stewart. You just need to be YOU.
The mindset shifts around hosting are game-changing. Tune into the complete episode for all five shifts and real examples.
2. You Can Host Anywhere
Parks. Libraries. Museums. Coffee shops. Game stores. Community centers.
You’re the initiator and organizer. You don’t have to be the venue.
3. You Don’t Have to Do All Six Roles
Initiator. Organizer. Food Person. Decor/Mood. Day-of Organizer. Cleaning.
Pick 1-2 roles. Let go of the rest.
4. Organizations Work With Limited Budgets All the Time
Think about it:
If your local nonprofit raising money for unsheltered youth throws a gathering on a shoestring budget, you don’t judge them.
You’re like: “Wow, I’m so impressed they got so creative to raise awareness for such an important cause!”
So why are you so hard on yourself?
Why is it that organizations are allowed to work with limited budgets, but you feel like you need to portray yourself a certain way?
Let it go.
5. Low Cost ≠ Low Value
In fact, low cost often creates constraints that make you MORE creative.
Which makes gatherings MORE memorable.
Which is actually a HIGHER value.
In a world where everything feels the same all the time, creativity and memorability are incredibly valuable.
What This Looks Like in Practice (Real Examples)
Let me give you some examples from my actual life:
When I Host at My Home Now:
I do a basic tidy. I’m not scrubbing baseboards.
I offer drinks casually. “Water, sparkling water, Spindrift, soda, beer, wine?” (Notice I list non-alcoholic first—that’s from last week’s episode about decentering alcohol.)
I usually do potlucks. Even when I say “don’t bring anything,” people bring stuff anyway.
I let people wander. They can look at my bookshelves. Open my fridge. Sit wherever they want.
I focus on being present and grounded instead of stressed about perfection.
When I Host Outside My Home:
Park picnics: “We’ll be at the park from 9 am-3 pm. Bring whatever you want. See you there.”
Museum visits: “First Thursday museum night. Who’s in? Let’s meet at 5:30 pm.”
Game shop hangouts: “Reserved a table at the game shop for 7 pm. Come play!”
The parade this week: My friend organized it. We’re all just showing up.
Creative Food Nights:
Freezer cleanout party. Weird and hilarious.
Trader Joe’s discovery night. Everyone spent $5-8.
Pizza making night. I bought dough and sauce. Everyone brought toppings.
Cookie night. No dinner. Just cookies.
The point: None of these required a big budget or a perfect setup.
They just required someone to say “let’s do this” and coordinate the details.
The Question You’re Probably Asking
“But Alex, what if people judge my home/setup/food/whatever?”
Here’s what I’ve learned after hosting hundreds of gatherings:
The people who would judge you for not having a perfect setup?
Those aren’t your people anyway.
Real friends just want to be with you.
They don’t care if you’re sitting on the floor.
They don’t care if you’re eating off paper plates.
They don’t care if your apartment is tiny or your coffee table is DIY.
They care that you created a space for them to connect.
And honestly? In today’s world, that’s incredibly rare and valuable.
Most people are desperate for an authentic, in-person connection.
You’re providing that. That’s HUGE.
My Challenge to You
If hosting has felt out of reach because of budget or space or equipment or whatever…
I want you to try ONE gathering in the next month.
It can be:
- ▪️ A park picnic
- ▪️ A library game night
- ▪️ A museum visit
- ▪️ Coffee at your place
- ▪️ A potluck dinner where everyone brings one thing
Pick the option that feels LEAST scary.
And just try it.
You don’t need cheese knives.
You don’t need folding chairs.
You don’t need a 28-piece place setting.
You just need to say “let’s do this” and coordinate the details.
That’s it. That’s hosting.
One More Thing
At the end of the day, hosting is about connection, not budget.
You can create meaningful gatherings with literally zero dollars.
I’ve done it. My friends have done it. You can do it too.
The only thing standing in your way is the belief that hosting has to look a certain way.
It doesn’t.
It just has to create a space where people feel welcomed, connected, and engaged.
And you can do that anywhere, any way, on any budget.
So let go of the Martha Stewart trap.
Let go of the idea that you need the perfect setup.
Just bring people together.
That’s all hosting really is.
Want to dive deeper into rethinking how you host? Download my Six Roles of Hosting Audio Guide. It’s seven short audios (5 minutes or less) that will completely shift how you think about planning gatherings. You can listen on your favorite podcast app and learn how to simplify, delegate, and make hosting feel actually doable.
If you’ve been holding back from hosting because of budget or space, listen to the full episode for permission and practical ideas to get started.
