Seeking guidance on how to foster strong and meaningful connections with other couples? Dive into this blog post for practical strategies and advice on cultivating and maintaining fulfilling relationships with your couple friends. Uncover the secrets to balancing shared interests, personal boundaries, and mutual respect within your social circles. Elevate your double-date game and create lasting memories with your favorite pairings by learning the art of nurturing strong bonds with couple friends together!
Why might couples want to be friends with other couples?
People often ask me, “How do we make couple friends,” and I understand the desire, but I am also hesitant to prioritize making couple friends because the honest truth is that they are harder to make.
Forming relationships with other couples can be more difficult than making friends individually. It requires balancing the dynamics of multiple relationships and ensuring everyone gets along.
Some people are in a new relationship and want to make couple friends so they can spend time as a couple with a set of friends. Other people are in a long-term relationship and are looking for a couple of friends as they enter a new season of life, have a new life experience, or find the idea of sharing activities with your significant other and friends appealing.
But, at the end of the day, making couple friends is similar to building a friend group – it’s multiple friendship dynamics to balance at once, and just like any other friendship, couple friendships take time to build and nurture.
Some individuals may seek out couple friends for various reasons. For those in new relationships, the desire to have couple of friends stems from the need to engage in social activities as a pair. On the other hand, couples in long-term relationships may be looking to expand their social circle as they enter a new phase of life or share experiences with like-minded individuals.
However, forming couple friendships is a process that requires time and effort, much like cultivating any other type of relationship. Seamless couple friendships are often portrayed in movies, books, and social media. You know the types of friendships I am talking about – where everyone gets along effortlessly, you can plan double dates, getaways, or game nights. Perhaps, even the types of couple friends where you can do mundane life things like host last-minute backyard dinners or swap watching each other’s kids. While the world pushes the idea of two units coming together in these scenarios, the reality is that multiple individual friendships work together as a unit.
Can you build those types of friendships? Sure. But they take time, just like any other friendship, and even without them being those all-consuming best friend-couple friendships, there is value in even the simple couple friends you meet and can call up for that one activity you all love.
Ultimately, pursuing couple friendships should not be based on validation or societal expectations. Continue to prioritize your existing friendships and allow new relationships to evolve naturally — some of which might be couple friendships. Building strong couple friendships requires individual investment and a genuine desire to connect with others on a deeper level.
Why is it so hard to make couple friends?
Understanding Couple Friendships
If you make couple friends you are creating a balance of many friendship dynamics.
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You + Partner 1
You + Partner 2
Your partner + Partner 1
Your partner + Partner 2All 4 of your together
You + your partner
The other couple
How can you tell that this is the real set of dynamics? When you all hang out, but you and partner 1 are talking in the backyard, you are having specific conversations or discussing your shared interest in silent films.
When Partner 2 comes outside and tells you that you are needed inside, your friends might have a quick couple chat about whether or not they need to let their dog out.
You come back outside, and partner 1 has gone to the bathroom, so it’s just you and partner 2. You bring up the hockey game last night and talk about how excited you are for that game in a few weeks that the 4 of you have tickets to.
Partner 2 goes inside and talks to your partner… who knows what they are discussing.
Finally, you all sit down for dinner and end up talking about that hockey game again since all 4 of you love hockey. At a certain point, the conversation breaks, and you end up talking to partner 1 again about an upcoming trip. When you stop to listen, partner 2 and your partner are talking about how to clean out a vacuum cleaner.
Now — if you don’t invest in those individual friends and figure out what you have to talk about with each person, what happens is when you are partner 2 is outside alone, you stand there awkwardly because you have no idea what to talk about.
The group dynamic only works and feels comfortable when you invest in building connections with each person.
So, while couple friendships are an opportunity to share in activities together, that is only fun if all of you enjoy the same activity. Or perhaps you want couple of friends so that you can go to social events together or provide each other mutual support – that is only enjoyable if you feel comfortable around both partners.
You also have some challenges, like balancing everyone’s interests and schedules. You are also spending time getting to know each person, their boundaries, history, and interests. You might not end up being as close to each person in the other couple, but again, to feel comfortable, you have to have at least a simple and enjoyable friendship.
You can 100% make friends with other couples, but it requires investing time in getting to know each individual, building trust, and working towards forming lasting connections.
Where to meet couple friends?
Find Activities
Most couples want to meet other couples that they can do something with. Therefore, you are looking to socialize your interests, and a great place to start is by reflecting on the types of activities you want to do together. Do you want friends who will go to the theater with you? Perhaps dinner dates, playing tennis, traveling, pickleball, or game nights. Once you know what activities you wish to do, put yourself in those places. Join a tennis league together and start talking to the other couples in the group. Step out of your comfort zone and be open to exploring different activities together as a couple while also being open to meeting new people in the process.
Don’t forget that as you engage in these group activities, you may come across individuals with whom you share a connection. Even though your focus may be on spending time with couple friends, there’s always room to form individual friendships along the way. You might even make new friends who later introduce their partners to join in on some of the activities with you.
Social Media Groups
Use social media or online avenues to make connections. Read more about making friends online here, but once you know the types of activities you want to do with other couples, use the search bar or go down a hashtag rabbit hole to find a game night group, a theater club, or a tennis league in your area. When you are there, participate actively in the group by discussing, sharing experiences, and seeking advice. You might even consider inviting certain couples to other related activities or gatherings outside of the initial group you met them in.
Initiating Couple Friendships
Talking to Couples
When cultivating new friendships with couples, it’s important to approach it with the same principles as building individual friendships. Be the brave friend, say yes to the invite, engage in meaningful conversations, ask thought-provoking questions, suggest one-on-one hangouts, and make an effort to get to know each person in the couple better.
Authenticity is key in developing genuine relationships, so show up as your true self when interacting with other couples. Embrace who you are and let your genuine personality shine through to foster meaningful connections.
Make Time for Your Couple Friends
Again, like building individual friendships, you must prioritize spending quality time with your new couple friends. But I’d also encourage you to make time to hang out with each person in the other couple individually, whether that is an entirely separate hangout or just simply taking a few minutes in a double date hangout to ask the partner you aren’t as close with a few questions and catch up on their life. It’s easy to fall into this trap that they are a unit, and if you talk to one partner deeply, you know the other, but that isn’t the case. Even if it’s to form a simple friendship, take the time to get to know each person in the group.
Finally, lean into the fun of couple friendships! You have the opportunity to spend time together and make memories through double dates, group outings, trying new activities together, or simply sitting in the mundane life moments together. Quality time spent collectively contributes significantly to the foundation of lasting couple friendships.
Summary
Making couple friends really requires building multiple friendships simultaneously, and while not required, it can be a fun way to expand your social circle. While it may seem daunting to know where to find couple friends, rest assured that they are out there waiting to be discovered! Take the time to be intentional about the places you frequent to meet potential couple friends. Just like with any new friendship, don’t be afraid to take the first step and initiate a hangout with your new acquaintances. Embrace the journey of forming these meaningful connections, as it may take time but can also be filled with lots of fun and memorable moments along the way.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is It Bad If a Married Couple Has No Couple Friends?
You do not need couple friends! But I do suggest that individuals in any relationship have friends since a significant other can’t fill all your needs. A significant other can’t fulfill all of your social needs, so it’s essential to cultivate your own unique network of people who support your interests. If some of these connections happen to be couple friends, that’s great! However, if not, it’s not a problem as long as you feel supported and connected in other ways. It’s all about finding the right balance that works for you.
How to make couple friends in a new city?
Making couple friends in a new city can be challenging, especially if you are starting from scratch with your social circle. Not only are you trying to meet new people, but you are also looking for friends who are compatible as a couple. So not only are you trying to meet new people in general, but now you are adding the “we want couple friends” filter, which is a little extra difficult because you are really saying that you want to make multiple new friends at once. It’s not impossible! Just harder. To navigate this, it’s important to get out into the community, attend events, join clubs, and use social media to find like-minded individuals. Remember to be proactive in initiating conversations and making plans to hang out. It may take some effort, but you can build meaningful friendships with other couples in your new city.
When can we really consider this couple to be our friends?
Friendship is a spectrum! And your journey to making any “real friend” is full of valuable and enjoyable moments while you build together. As you make new couple friends, they might just be “the couple you play tennis with,” but that doesn’t mean they aren’t your friends. That is great if they stay in that defined friend category forever! Perhaps you become closer and spend more time with them in various ways. Both have value in your life.
What If my partner doesn’t want to make couple friends?
Making couple friends can be a rewarding experience, but it’s important to remember that not everyone may be on the same page. If your partner isn’t interested in building couple friendships, that’s okay. Focus on nurturing your own connections and continue to invite your partner along when opportunities arise. Sometimes, natural friendships will form, but forcing it may not be the best approach. Have an open conversation with your partner to understand their perspective better. Maybe they feel overwhelmed with existing relationships or simply have different preferences regarding socializing. You can navigate this situation more effectively by getting curious and having a productive dialogue. Remember, the key is to focus on connections that support you, whether they are couple friends or not.
Why are friendships harder after marriage?
When you enter into marriage, it brings about a significant life change that impacts not only your romantic relationship but also your friendships. You are faced with new boundaries, time constraints, and potentially different interests to balance. Managing multiple relationships and prioritizing them can be a challenge, especially when it’s not something commonly taught in our society. It requires effort to adjust and maintain friendships after such a major life change. Learning how to navigate these changes and prioritize relationships will be valuable skills that can benefit you through any future life changes you may encounter.
