What if I told you that friendship works exactly like exercise?
You know that feeling when your alarm goes off for your morning run and every cell in your body is screaming to stay in bed? But then you lace up anyway, get out the door, and by the end you’re thinking “why don’t I do this more often?”
That’s friendship as an adult.
In this episode, I sit down with Kristin Morrison, a business coach and podcaster who reached out after randomly discovering Friendship IRL on Apple Podcasts (which still blows my mind, by the way). We planned to talk about making business friends. Instead, we ended up having this raw, honest conversation about the ENERGY it takes to show up for the people we care about… and why we almost never regret it when we do.
Kristin shared something early in our conversation that stopped me in my tracks. She told me about a brunch she almost didn’t attend. Her sister-in-law had organized it, friends and family would be there, people she genuinely loves spending time with. But when she tuned into the energy it would take (the drive, showing up, being present, driving home), she could feel herself pulling back before it even started.
Sound familiar?
The Exercise Metaphor That Changes Everything
Here’s what Kristin said that became the thread running through our entire conversation:
“It’s like exercise, right? I never look back on a workout and think, ‘God, I wish I hadn’t done that.’ When I actually make time and push through that energy… what I perceive as energy depletion… and actually show up for my friends and the dates that we’ve set, I always am so grateful that I did it.”
ALWAYS.
Think about that for a second. When was the last time you got together with a friend and afterward thought, “Wow, that was a waste of time”?
(If you’re thinking of a specific instance right now, that might be telling you something about that particular friendship. But that’s a different conversation.)
The truth is, putting energy into friendships works exactly like putting on your running shoes. The resistance shows up BEFORE. The doubt, the excuses, the “maybe next time” thoughts. But the payoff? That comes AFTER you’ve actually done the thing.
We’ve gotten really good at being lonely. I mentioned this article I’d read about how after the past few years, loneliness has become our baseline. We’ve adapted to it. We sink into boredom and isolation instead of putting in the energy to connect.
And here’s the part that makes this even harder: there’s this expectation that friendship should feel easy, happy, positive all the time. Like it should just HAPPEN without effort. But that’s not how any meaningful part of life works.
There’s a lot more where this came from. The conversation goes places this post can’t fully capture. Listen to the full episode.
When Business Owners Choose Business Over Friends
Kristin brought up something that kept showing up in her goal-setting workshop: friendship. Person after person shared that building and maintaining friendships was one of their primary goals for the year.
And most of them? Business owners.
“I think they’re exhausted. At least in the goal setting workshop that I taught, it was primarily business owners who are trying to catch up after the pandemic kind of knocked them on their butts.”
I get this. When you own a business, especially in those early years, your business becomes your primary partner. It’s where all your energy goes. You convince yourself that once things settle down, THEN you’ll focus on friendships. But things never really settle down, do they?
Kristin shared her own experience of this. In her early 20s when she started her first business, she didn’t know any other business owners. She was incredibly lonely. And the friends she DID have? She kind of left them in the dust because she thought they wouldn’t understand what she was going through.
“My business was kind of my primary partner at that point,” she told me. “I wasn’t in a romantic relationship. And so that became where I put most of my energy and attention because I wanted to be successful.”
But here’s what she realized: at a certain point, she had a lot of money but not a lot of time. And she didn’t know ANYONE in her circle who had both.
She went looking for people who had what she wanted to create. She found a business group (spiritually based, business focused… that sweet spot she loves). She’s been part of that group for over 20 years now. Most of the women in her wedding? They came from that group.
This is what intentional friendship building looks like. She didn’t set out specifically to make friends. She set out to get better at being a business owner. But by putting herself in a room with like-minded people regularly, friendships grew organically.
The Story That Made Me Cry
Kristin told me about her friend Tara.
Tara had cancer. She was in remission. She was doing a road trip and wanted to stop by and see Kristin. And Kristin almost said no. She had these few precious days to herself while her husband was away, and she really wanted that alone time.
But she said yes. They had an amazing visit.
A month later, Tara’s cancer came back.
“I was feeling so grateful. Like this is the extreme version, right? I was feeling so grateful that I saw her that day.”
Then Tara started declining. And Kristin was about to launch a big project for her business. Something she’d been planning for almost a year.
She had to choose: the business launch or her friend who was dying.
“She really needed help,” Kristin told me. “Her and her husband did not have support there. And it was a pivotal time. And I decided that I was going to be with her in the hospital for a week.”
She paused the launch. She went. She came back. Then Tara needed her again, and Kristin went back for another week. Other friends contributed money to make it possible.
Tara died a few days after Kristin came home the second time.
“One of the motivating factors was, of course, that she needed me. But it was also that there were ways that I hadn’t shown up for her when she was vitally alive that I wished I had. And so it was like a living amends in a way… for me to show up and not just give her thoughts and prayers. I’m going to be a boots on the ground friend.”
In the full episode, we go much deeper into how Kristin navigated this decision and what it taught her about priorities.
Small Actions Really Do Add Up
Here’s something Kristin does that I think is BRILLIANT:
She sets weekly and monthly friendship goals.
Every week, she commits to connecting with at least one friend. However that happens, but SHE initiates.
Every month, she commits to connecting with two or more friends IN REAL LIFE.
Now, I know some of you are reading this thinking, “That’s so mechanical. Friendship shouldn’t be a checklist item.”
But here’s the thing: we can only control ourselves in relationships. We cannot control whether people answer our texts, accept our invitations, or show up consistently. What we CAN control is whether WE are the type of person who reaches out, who makes plans, who shows up.
A lot of people have terrible beliefs about themselves as friends. “I’m bad at making friends.” “I’m a bad friend.” “I’m not good at staying in touch.”
The small actions — the weekly text, the monthly coffee date, the intentional reach-out — aren’t really about the OUTCOME. They’re about proving to yourself that you ARE the kind of person who invests in friendships. You ARE someone who shows up. You ARE capable of building and maintaining connections.
It’s like lacing up your running shoes. You’re building the HABIT. You’re becoming the person who does this thing, even when it feels hard.
And here’s what happens over time: it starts to feel more natural. You start to CRAVE it when it’s missing. You notice the difference in your life when you haven’t connected with people in a while.
(Can confirm. I recorded this episode weeks ago, and when I listened back to edit it, I realized I’ve been so focused on work lately that I’m out of social wellness shape. I know what the runner’s high of friendship feels like, and I’m not feeling it right now. Time to lace up my shoes again.)
The Limiting Beliefs Keeping You Lonely
Kristin and I talked about the stories people tell themselves about friendship. The beliefs that keep them stuck.
“I can only have so many friends.”
This one is EVERYWHERE. There are articles out there saying you only need three close friends. THREE. And Kristin admitted she internalized this for a while.
After she limited herself to three friends, she noticed how her life SHRUNK instead of expanded.
“I thought, who am I to limit the love that I can give and receive? Like as a human being, we’re capable of so much. And I think trying to contain that love to… I’m just going to have love for my partner, my family and three friends… I don’t want to go there.”
(If you don’t know what I think about the “you only need a few close friends” narrative, go listen to basically any other episode of this podcast. But the short version: you’re a complex person with diverse interests, needs, and areas of life. Thinking that three people can meet ALL of that? Wild.)
“It’s going to be a struggle.”
This belief creates a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you go into friendship thinking it’s going to be hard, exhausting, draining… guess what? It probably will be.
But what if you reframed it? What if you thought about it like exercise? Yes, there’s effort involved. Yes, you have to push through resistance. But the PAYOFF is always worth it.
“I’m too old to make friends.”
Kristin said she’s found it “incredibly easy” to make friends as an adult. Not because she’s special or has some magic formula, but because she’s intentional about it.
She puts herself in places where people with shared interests gather. She reaches out. She invites people into her existing life. She follows up.
And here’s something she said that I want you to really hear: “What you want wants you.”
If you’re wanting friendship, connection, community… there are people out there wanting that TOO. And if they meet you, they’re going to want that WITH you.
The trick is to leave your house.
We covered so much more than I could fit in this post. Kristin shares specific examples of how she’s built friendships, navigated being a “social introvert,” and created space in her life for connection. Tune into the full episode.
Technology: Tool or Crutch?
Kristin took a social media break last year. As a business owner with multiple businesses, that’s a BIG deal.
“What I noticed is I just felt calmer and more peaceful as a result of not being on social media as much. But I also noticed that it caused me to connect MORE with my friends. Actually calling them on the phone. Actually setting up dates for us to connect. Because I didn’t know what was happening in their lives and I wanted to know.”
Social media gives us this quick, easy fix for staying updated on our friends’ lives. We scroll through their posts, we see what they’re up to, and we feel like we’re connected.
But are we really?
When you text someone or look at their Instagram stories, you’re controlling what you show them. You’re curating. There’s no vulnerability in that narrow window.
But when someone comes to your house? They see things. Maybe your fridge is full of weird health food or maybe there are dishes in the sink. Maybe your kid interrupts with a meltdown. These uncontrolled moments let people SEE you in ways that technology doesn’t allow.
I’m not saying technology is bad. I love social media. It’s a useful TOOL. But if it’s the entirety of your relationships? That’s where we get in trouble.
Feng Shui for Your Schedule
Kristin said something that made me laugh: “We can do Feng Shui with our schedules.”
She was talking about when she wanted to manifest her husband. She created physical space for him (moved her bed away from the wall, added a nightstand for his morning tea). She was being intentional about making room in her life.
“If we don’t have any blank space in our schedule, in our calendar, where do we put our relationships?”
YES. But also… it’s not just about blank space. It’s about looking at the life you’re ALREADY living and asking: where could I bring people in?
You have to eat. Why not invite a friend over for dinner?
You have to wrap presents during the holidays. Why not invite friends to bring their gifts and wrapping supplies and do it together?
You have to get your oil changed. Why not meet a friend at the coffee shop nearby while you wait?
You’re going to a business conference. Could you invite someone from your business group to go with you?
This is what intentional friendship looks like. Not adding MORE to your already overwhelming schedule, but weaving connection into the things you’re doing anyway.
The Couple Friends Trap
Kristin told me about her neighbor Julie, who’s single and an amazing community builder. Julie throws game nights, hosts Labor Day barbecues, brings the neighborhood together.
And then Julie said something to Kristin that stuck with her: “Hardly any couples ever invite me over because I’m single.”
This is REAL. When people partner up, they start looking for other couples. Single friends get left out. And it’s not intentional or malicious. It just… happens.
My husband and I are very intentional about NOT falling into this trap. When we become friends with a couple, we don’t see it as “us as a unit” and “them as a unit.” We see it as FOUR individual friendships that overlap.
Me and her. Me and him. My husband and her. My husband and him. And all four of us together.
This takes EFFORT. It takes intentionality. But it also means our friendships aren’t dependent on all four people being available at once.
What You Want Wants You
Near the end of our conversation, Kristin said something that felt like the perfect closing thought:
“What you want wants you. And so if you’re wanting a partner, wanting a friend, there are people out there who are wanting that also. And if they meet you, they’re going to want that with you.”
If you’re feeling lonely right now, if you’re reading this and thinking “I don’t even know where to start”… I want you to hear that.
You’re not broken. You’re not uniquely bad at friendship. You’re not too old, too awkward, too busy, too anything.
You just need to take one small action. Pick one area of your life where you want connection. Find ONE person or group related to that area. Show up. Reach out. Initiate.
Lace up your shoes. Get out the door. The runner’s high is waiting for you on the other side.
This conversation was one of those episodes I didn’t know I needed until I listened back to it weeks later. Kristin’s honesty, her vulnerability about her friend Tara, her practical strategies for making friendship a priority… it’s all in the full episode. Listen here.
