Small Actions Add Up: Putting Energy into Your Friendships

Promotional graphic for Episode 20 of the Friendship IRL Podcast - "Small Actions Add Up: Putting Energy into your Friendships" with episode URL - friendshipirl.com/episode20 - There is a large image of Kristin Morrison the episode's guest at the top of the graphic - Kristin is a brunnette woman wearing a bright top and smiling at the camera.

Podcast Description

Becoming more invested in our friendships is like becoming a runner. 

At first, it takes energy just to convince yourself to get out the door. That first run feels exhausting and maybe a little awkward. The next is a little easier. Eventually, you get to a place where you can finally experience the runner’s high.

Today’s episode features Kristin Morrison, a business coach who also manages the podcast Business Pathfinder. Originally, our idea was to talk about making business friends, but our conversation quickly encapsulated so much more, focusing especially on intentional everyday actions we need to take to build the connections we want.

Typically, I’m the person in friendship regularly lacing up my shoes. I have great connections and friends I trust in. But I have spent the past few months so focused on work, I’m out of social wellness shape. It’s time for me to get back to it. 

Friendship, social wellness, community, connection – it’s never-ending. There will be ups and downs, and that’s okay. All of us are somewhere between putting on our shoes, convincing ourselves to go on that first run, and having the runner’s high. 

In this episode you’ll hear about:

  • The lack of feedback you get digitally vs. in person, and how technology allows us to control what we show our friends – which often doesn’t contain anything vulnerable
  • The energy expenditure required of spending time with friends if you’re out of practice – plus, Kristin’s story about showing up for her friend who was dying
  • Limiting beliefs in friendship, including: that you can only have so many friends; that investing in friendship is a struggle; that you’re too old to make friends
  • Using feng shui to manifest friendships by making space in our schedules – similar to how Kristin used it to “manifest” her husband by making space in her home
  • Inviting people into our existing experiences, like having dinner, wrapping presents or getting our oil change, and the friendships Kristin made through her business group
  • How, if we BELIEVE we are contributing friends, we’ll naturally start to pick up the phone, call people, and take action

Reflection Question:

Where are you in your friendship fitness journey? Trying to get yourself to lace up your shoes, regularly experiencing the “runner’s high,” or somewhere in between?

Notable Quotes from Kristin:

“At the time, I lived in a very small cottage. My bed could barely fit in there. But I knew I wanted to do some feng shui. To create space. That’s what feng shui is. It’s like creating intentional space for what we want to show up. And so I moved my bed a little far away from the wall. I put a little nightstand there for my future partner so that he would have a spot to put his mug of tea in the morning. We can do feng shui with our schedules. If we don’t have any blank space in our schedule, in our calendar, where do we put our relationships?”

“I had this when I was looking for a partner, and I think it can be really valuable around friendships, too: remembering that what you want wants you. What you want, wants you. And so, if you’re wanting a partner, wanting a friend, there are people out there who are wanting that also. And if they meet you, they’re going to want that with you.”

Resources & Links

Today, we referenced a previous episode – What is a Friend?, available on Alex’s website – that you should check out if you haven’t already! And Alex also recommends this article in The Atlantic about how we’ve learned to be lonely. 

Be sure to also visit Kristin’s website and check out her podcast.

Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram

Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out!

Leave Alex a voicemail!

Small Actions in Friendship

@itsalexalexander Want to make low maintenance friends? Focus on the variety of ways you spend time with your friends. The friendships that you cherish the most? Usually the “we did life together” friends. Doing mundane things together will help you not only develop low maintenance friends, but also strong friendships. #toomanyfriends #friendshipcoach #friendship #clingyfriends ##makingfriendsasadults #adultfriendship #healthyfriendships #howtokeepfriends ♬ original sound – Alex | Community + Friendship

Think of your “closest friends.” Memories of friends in HS and college might appear. Want to know how you got so close? YOU LIVED LIFE TOGETHER. Grocery store, laundry, cooking. FYI- You can still do that.

♬ Sweet Disposition FeelingBlew – Feelingblew

Until next time…

Take the conversation beyond the new podcast on friendship! Follow Alex on Instagram (@itsalexalexander) or Tiktok (@itsalexalexander), or send her a voice message directly with all your friendship thoughts, problems, and triumphs by heading to AlexAlex.chat and hitting record. 

Episode Transcript

Podcast Intro  00:02

Alrighty, gang. Here’s to nights that turn into mornings and friends that turn in family. Cheers!

Podcast Intro   00:18

Hello, Hello, and welcome to the Friendship IRL podcast. I’m your host, Alex Alexander. My friends… They would tell you; I like to ask the hard questions. You know who I am in the group? I’m the person that’s saying, “Okay, I’m going to ask this question, but don’t feel like you have to answer it.” And now, I can be that friend for you, too. 

Alex Alexander [Narration]  00:50

Hello, hello. I’m so excited for this episode today. Today, we have Kristin Morrison. Kristin is a business coach and a podcaster herself. Kristin contacted me because she found my podcast randomly on Apple podcasts, which is, I mean, thrilling to me. I can’t believe people can do that. And we had this whole idea about talking about making business friends. And as you’ll see in this episode, this episode did not turn out being about business friends. It turned out to be one big conversation about the everyday actions we’re taking intentionally where we’re putting our energy to build the connections that we want. And with that, let’s get to today’s episode. Kristin, we’re together.

Kristin Morrison  01:45

We are, Alex. Nice to see you again.

Alex Alexander  01:49

Nice to see you. I’ve been thinking about our chat the other day, multiple times. I was telling someone yesterday, actually a friend. So for anybody that doesn’t know, I’ve never really talked about this. For guests I don’t know before, I do a quick discovery call. So Kristin and I have chatted very briefly about what we might talk about on the podcast. But somebody was saying… or no, I was telling him about how you found my podcast and you liked it and you shared it. And then you’re like, can you just take a minute and take that in? And I so appreciate that because we all need that. And we need that call out sometimes. So, thank you for that.

Kristin Morrison  02:36

Yeah, I saw you kind of moving on to the next thing. And I thought, this is a moment, this is an opportunity to really, accept what you’ve created. It’s not easy to create a podcast. And this is a really important topic, especially I think right now, with how disconnected many of us feel as a result of the pandemic and the divisiveness that’s happened in the United States and other parts of the world as well. I think it’s an opportunity for us to really see our similarities, you know, instead of our differences and… and in that moment, it was just like, I really wanted you to land in what you’ve created. And I love that you were willing to do that. It was great.

Alex Alexander  03:33

And I’ve talked about this on here a lot. This is a wild ride. I never intended to do this. I never intended to talk about community and friendship. I didn’t know I had anything to say. I mean, I truly get on here and hit record. I was saying about this just before, like this is wild that this is what I do now. I can’t believe this. I could talk about this topic all day, which is why I had to start the podcast.

Kristin Morrison  04:01

Yeah, it’s interesting because I shared it with my Facebook community. And one woman said, “Oh, my God, I think this is going to be my new favorite podcast.” And I said, “That’s wonderful.” So I wanted you to know that. She said, “This is right up my alley. I already love it.”

Alex Alexander  04:24

Thanks for sharing that. I just can’t believe that people are out here that I’ve never met before listening and you told me that you found it just like via Apple podcasts?

Kristin Morrison  04:37

I did. Yeah. So, I was looking at different topics. So they kind of highlight different topics and friendship came up. And I was like, ooh, because that’s one of my goals for this year is to really put energy into my friendships. So that’s why it kind of lit up for me when I saw that. And yours was like 5th or 6th out of 10 in a row, and I liked the cover art. I was like, oh, that’s unusual. And I liked the title of it. I thought that was compelling, you know, in real life. Wow, what a concept.

PODCAST EPISODE! Take control of your social wellness. Listen here.

Alex Alexander  05:18

Not in the movies. Yeah.

Kristin Morrison  05:20

Yeah, we’re not just texting or things like that, but actually seeing and being with people and… and so I was very drawn to it right away and then listening to the episodes took me even deeper. It was like, oh, this is so good. This is medicine. Yeah.

Alex Alexander  05:38

Thank you.

Kristin Morrison  05:39

I can see you’re taking it in. Thank you. 

Alex Alexander  05:44

Yeah. I’m very grateful for you to be here and that you found my podcast. And this is gonna be such a great episode for people. You mentioned that friendship and community is one of your goals this year or focuses maybe? And you’ve also told me about how this seems to be a goal for a lot of people that when you bring this up to others, a lot of people are also feeling this way.

PODCAST EPISODE! Hear all about why I created Friendship IRL here.

Kristin Morrison  06:13

Yep. Yeah, I had a goal setting workshop that I taught recently. And people had the opportunity to share very briefly what one of their goals was for the year and friendship kept coming up. It was a real big theme for a lot of people where they wanted to put their energy. And I think, as a result of the disconnection that a lot of people are feeling due to the pandemic, but also due to technology. You know, we think it’s going to bring us closer, and it can in a way. Like here we are together, right? What a wonderful thing. And yet, it can also create a level of disconnection where we don’t really know people at that deep level that we might if we hang out with them on a regular ongoing basis. Yeah.

Alex Alexander  07:11

Yeah. I mean, I think technology is a beautiful tool. But if we let it be the entirety of our relationships, that can get a lot of people in trouble. Now, I do have an episode in the works. I mean, I’m saying can because I think there are other perspectives, and I have a really cool episode that I’m just, it’s gonna be great. But yeah, I think being with people, experiencing life, having conversations, whatnot, can’t be replaced by just texting, Zoom, watching Instagram stories. There’s not that same back and forth, like in the moment.

Kristin Morrison  07:55

Yeah, I took a social media break last year for a few weeks. And that’s a big deal as a business owner, you know, to take it a break from social media. But what I noticed, while there were a few things that I noticed, one is I just felt calmer and more peaceful as a result of not being on social media as much as I might be, just because I have a few different businesses. And a lot of my community is there. But I also noticed that it caused me to connect more with my friends, actually calling them on the phone, actually setting up dates for us to connect, because I didn’t know what was happening in their lives and I wanted to know. And social media is such a quick, easy fix for that. It’s like, oh, I’m gonna go on Instagram and see what my friends are doing or Facebook. And that’s great. Absolutely, I love that. And I was kind of, in a way forced to… like, if I want to know how my friends are doing, I need to pick up the phone, you know? Or text them and say, “Let’s get together.”

Alex Alexander  09:10

May got to, like take action instead of being passive. 

Kristin Morrison  09:14

That’s right. Initiate.

Alex Alexander [Narration]  09:18

I have two quick points here. First one, I talked about this the other day on social media. When you are texting or I mean even voice memoing, Zooming, you know, it’s such a narrow window. Like if I’m doing that I’m controlling what I tell my friends, which means if there’s anything vulnerable, I don’t have to show them that. And this doesn’t need to be some big vulnerability. It could just literally mean where you point your camera looks clean. But on the other side of the room is massive piles of stuff. And when we invite people into our lives, like if somebody comes into our home, we can shut doors and do things, but they’re still getting to see things that we aren’t necessarily showing them. So if they’re in your house and you open your fridge, they suddenly see maybe some of the items in your fridge. And that might not seem like a big deal, but it’s giving your friend an insight into the things you like, the things you buy. Maybe it’s leading them to some questions, like they noticed there’s no dairy in there. And suddenly they think, oh, does she not eat dairy? I do eat dairy, by the way, but the lack of controlled view into our lives allows people to notice things about us. And we just aren’t getting that when everything is virtual. The second thing that we touch on here is, you know, when you go off social media, having to initiate and reach out. Now, I like social media, I think there’s a lot of positives. But I do think one thing that’s interesting is social media lets us, let’s say, look at the posts that our friends make. But we don’t give any feedback. Yeah, maybe we like it, whatever. Maybe we comment something. But whatever is posted on social media, whatever your feelings are on that, wow, I’m so proud of them, it’s not reciprocated in quite the same way, as if we told our friend that to their face and then we saw their face light up, and they were excited for us and they said, “Oh my gosh, I’m so happy for you.” It’s just different. And I’m not saying it’s good or bad. Again, I think that technology is a useful tool and helps us all connect more. But I also think that it’s interesting, because there’s so much out there about wanting reciprocal relationships. And yet technology is not giving us the same level of reciprocation as those in person moments. Now, those immersive moments also require a lot more vulnerability. I’m not saying it’s good, or it’s bad. I’m just throwing something out there to think about. I think about energy a lot when it comes to friendship, and community.

Kristin Morrison  12:32

That’s a great point, Alex. I really love that you bring that up, because I had this experience of this brunch that was happening last Sunday. My sister in law created it. She like organized it, did all the heavy lifting for it, friends and family, we’re going to be there. And I love these people a lot. It’s always a joy to be with them in person. I just… I get a lot from it, but what I was noticing is when I thought about the energy that it was going to take to drive there and to show up and just be there and then drive home, it was quite far away, I could feel myself kind of thinking, ah, I’m not sure if I want to go or not. It’s like it was over before it even started when I tuned into my energy. But the thing is, is that sometimes maybe even oftentimes for me, I have to push myself. It’s like exercise, right? I never look back on a workout and thank God, I wish I hadn’t done that. When I actually make time and push through that energy, what I perceive as energy depletion and I actually show up for my friends and the dates that we’ve set. I always am so grateful that I did it.

Alex Alexander  13:55

I saw this really interesting article. I’ll find it, I’ll put it in the show notes. But it was about how, after the past few years, we’ve gotten really good at being lonely.

Kristin Morrison  14:06

Yeah, that’s profound.

Alex Alexander  14:10

Baseline is kind of like being lonely, you know, and you’re bored, you kind of just sink into it instead of putting the energy in to get yourself out of it or to see other people or do other things. And I think when that feels like the normal, it’s hard to put energy in and then add to it the fact that getting out there and doing these things, you know, people have this sense of like friendship and community should be happy all the time and always feel good and bring positivity to my life, and like there’s this positive vibes only idea. And friendship is no different as you put exercise. Like it’s no different than having to lace up your shoes, get yourself out the door. After a while, it starts to feel more comfortable. You know, you can trust that like runner’s high that’s coming here. And the only way to do that is like frequency of going, which I think is kind of what you’re talking about.

Kristin Morrison  15:22

Yeah, it’s like, if we’re waiting to feel like we want to do something good for ourselves, we may be waiting the rest of our lives. It sometimes does require us to go past those feelings of… it’s like, I don’t want to do this or resistance, right? It is like lifting weights. It’s going to feel awkward, or it’s going to feel exhausting perhaps to actually do it, then there may be energy gained from it. And I say that as I would consider myself a social introvert. I do love people, I love connecting with people, and I get my energy from alone time. And that includes time away from my husband as well. I really need it. And I’m putting a lot out into the world. And so, I have to bring it back home. That being said though, there still is positive energy that I get when I push past my resistance, my introverted resistance, you know, and actually make it happen. And this brunch that I went on was so wonderful. It’s like I learned a lot. I was sharing with you that I learned that my sister in law was taking her son, her autistic son to the dentist’s the next day. And she had a lot of feelings around that. And she shared that with us at the brunch. And I reached out to her the next day and said, “I’m thinking about you. I want you to know that you’re in my mind, and so is my nephew, Jackson, you know?” And that really touched her and that would not have happened, like, I don’t think she would have texted me and said… feeling these feelings around going to the dentist tomorrow with my son. But being there in person, it was an opportunity for her to share what was there for her.

PODCAST EPISODE! How to Make Friends as a Grown-Up. Give it a listen!

Alex Alexander  17:31

I have this thing where I think about when we get together with people, it’s a lot of catching up, sort of filling each other in on life. You know, sitting around a table, and don’t get me wrong, I love sitting around a table and having dinner with friends. But when you’re doing that you’re not living in the present. And I kind of feel like there needs to be this point when you’re with people, where you’re almost kind of bored together. Like that’s where the magic happens when you’re in the moment again, after you’ve filled each other in. And that’s where those, I think little admissions come out of, you know, like she was probably sitting there realizing that this was weighing on her tomorrow. And then maybe it was like, you know, I’m really anxious about having to go to the dentist tomorrow. Or it could be something as silly as last weekend on a trip with friends, we were laying around board and our friend who’s a physical therapist was like, “Do you know that when you wake up, you’re half an inch taller?” I’m like, “Really? Okay.” And then suddenly, he had the tape measure out. We were staying with them because we were in New Orleans. And like, we measured ourselves before we went to bed and we went and measured ourselves in the morning. Like, we’re bored. 

Kristin Morrison  18:51

Fun facts come out. 

Alex Alexander  18:52

Like now we’re in the moment. We’re like doing these silly things together. And I think that that’s hard to do via text or Zoom, and that we need to get in a room with people to kind of be in that present moment. And that’s where those connections are. And then they lead to things like continuing to connect, you know, reaching out the next day saying you’re thinking of her. 

Kristin Morrison  19:18

It has a ripple effect. And you know, something that happened last year, that was very challenging for me with a friend. And it actually started with me pushing past my resistance. So I had a friend who had cancer, and she was in remission. And she was in Arizona living but she was coming through the Bay Area. I live part time in California, part time in Hawaii. And I was in California when she was doing her road trip. And so, she wanted to come by and see me. And I almost said no because I had these few days to myself, my husband was away on a trip and it… it was really precious in a way. So, I had to really think about it. But I did, I chose to see her we had an amazing time together. Her cancer came back, like, a month later after that time. And I was feeling so grateful. Like this is the extreme version, right? Yeah, I was feeling so grateful that I saw her that day. And then she started to go on the decline. And I was about ready to launch a big project with my business. And this is, you know, where business owners can choose business sometimes, myself included over friendships or relationships. So I was kind of faced with, I’ve got something that’s actually going to be ready to launch. I’ve been planning it for almost a year. 

Alex Alexander  20:53

Now, it’s a long time, right? 

Kristin Morrison  20:55

And yet, here’s my friend who looks like she may be dying. And I decided… and I’m not saying this, because I’m, you know, such a wonderful person or a Pollyanna or whatever, but she really needed help. She had moved from the Bay Area fairly recently. And so, she didn’t have support. Her and her husband did not have support there. And it was a pivotal time. And I decided that I was going to be with her in the hospital for a week. And I did that. And then I came back home. And I was so glad I did, I just like put my project on pause, came back. And then she needed me again. Her husband needed me. He needed a break, caretaker, you know? Fatigue is real. It’s so big. And so I went again, and actually, a lot of our common friends contributed money to me going. It was amazing. They made it happen, where they contributed, and I went and was with her for another week. And she died a few days after I came back. You know, I want to say her name, her name is Tara. And she impacted 1000s upon 1000s of people, myself included. And one of the motivating factors was, of course, that she needed me. But it was also that there were ways that I hadn’t shown up for her when she was vitally alive that I wished I had. And so, it was like a living amends in a way while she was still here when she absolutely needed me, for me to show up, and not just give her thoughts and prayers, right, it’s like, I’m going to be a boots on the ground friends.

Alex Alexander  22:57

But I would say that, I don’t know what ways you would feel like you didn’t show up for her before, you were uniquely positioned because you’re on your business, and you have the flexibility to go and stay with them. And there may not have been other friends who could do that. I know that because I’m also uniquely positioned to do that. And I offer that up all the time. Those other things you felt like maybe you should have done. Do I know what those are? No, but when you were uniquely positioned, you did the thing. You know, I think sometimes we feel like we need to do it all for everyone. And I really think if we kind of figure out what our strengths are and offer those up and do those things cumulatively, that’s what’s going to provide the support we all need to each other.

Kristin Morrison  23:55

Yeah. Yeah, and these were things that wouldn’t have been a big deal for me, but they were a big deal for my friend. And I knew that my not doing them was hard for her. So that’s why I’m saying that I actually am really good at setting boundaries and saying no, and… but sometimes the no is automatic, rather than me really checking in and thinking, oh, okay. You know, in the past, I think if friendship wasn’t such a focus that I want to focus on, and last year, it was a focus for me as well. I would have chosen my launch, my business launch over my friend. I would have. Because I had worked on it, you know, there would have been all these excuses.

Alex Alexander  24:46

People do it all the time. 

Kristin Morrison  24:47

Yeah. And not to say that, you know, for those listening, if you’re in that position that, you know, maybe you do need to do that for whatever reason, and it doesn’t work for you to go stop what you’re doing, but when I really tuned in to myself, I knew without a shadow of a doubt it was the right thing to do, to be there for her. And really wanting to do that more for my friends when I can.

Alex Alexander  25:19

You know, you said earlier that your friendships and relationships are a real priority for you this year. You said that in your group that a lot of people are telling you, this is also a priority for them. I am purely curious. I have this theory that most people don’t really prioritize this area of life because they don’t really know what to do to make an impact. Like we’re not really taught these habits and skills around friendship as adults where we have to be more intentional. And then there’s obviously a lot of stories and limiting beliefs. Like do you kind of get the sense from people that they aren’t investing?

Kristin Morrison  26:03

Yeah. Yeah, I think they’re exhausted, at least that was in the goal setting workshop that I taught, it was primarily business owners, who are trying to catch up after the pandemic and kind of knock them on their butts. 

Alex Alexander  26:19

I mean, everybody’s trying to catch up after this all and every family is needing the support. People being… but yes… categories, for sure. 

Kristin Morrison  26:30

And I think a limiting belief that’s very common out there, well, two that I think of. One we spoke about a couple of days ago, which is that limiting belief of, I can only have so many friends, and that like automatically creating this boundary around the amount of friends and what if some… comes in, like, you know. So that… and I’ve, I’ve had that too, in the past of like, I can only have so many friends. But the other thing is, it’s like that investing in friendships is going to be a struggle, right? before I’ve even started. And sometimes that’s true. And sometimes it isn’t, but also the limiting belief of, I’m maybe too old to make friends, like that ship has sailed, like when I was in college, it was easy, or… you know, and there are a lot of articles that “back that up”, I say that in quotes. I have found it incredibly easy to make friends as an adult, incredibly easy. Now, that’s not to say that my whole adult life, I’ve had lots of friends. We spoke a couple of days ago about how when I started my business… and my first business in my early 20s, I didn’t know any other business owners. 

Alex Alexander  27:54

Yeah, that’s common. 

Kristin Morrison  27:55

Yeah. And so I didn’t have connections that really understood what I was going through as a business owner. And it’s very kind of unique, you know, if you’re a business owner. Business owners can understand maybe people that are outside of that, can’t quite understand, right? So after, you know, a few years of being a very lonely business owner, and really not prioritizing friendships that go with people that didn’t have businesses, because I thought they wouldn’t understand, I ended up becoming a part of a business group that’s kind of spiritually based and business based. It’s… I love that sweet spot of spirituality. It’s not religious, but spiritual and business. I love that. Because I think the two can kind of dovetail really nicely together. And so, I had all of these people all of a sudden that were business owners, like minded souls. And I’ve been a part of that group now for over 20 years. 

Alex Alexander  29:01

So long. 

Kristin Morrison  29:02

Yeah. And now we meet on Zoom. It used to be in person, we’ll probably go back to in person at some point again, but most of the women that were in my wedding, I got married five years ago, and that was another limiting belief that I had to get out of as I’m too old to get married. I’ve never been married before. And it’s like, you know, but what if I’m the perfect age to get married? Let’s have that belief on its side. And that became true for me. And then I met my husband. We’ve been married for five years, but most of the women in my wedding party, I had eight women in my wedding party and six of those were from my business group. They are deep and wonderful souls.

Alex Alexander  29:51

I love this so much. This is an example of so many factors all at once that people don’t believe it’s possible for them. You know, finding support and an area of their life that they feel alone, having a group that lasts that long, making close enough friendships, kind of like taking them outside of that work realm into your personal life. So many things that people aren’t sure how to do. So, if we talk about the business group itself, I’m just like curious about some things. Like when you decided you were tired of being lonely as a business owner, did you set out to find a specific group? Did this group kind of just come into your view? Like, did you make the intention to go out there and find business friends?

Kristin Morrison  30:48

No, I didn’t. I actually made it an intention to get better at becoming a business owner. And so, that was my motivating factor for finding this group. I ended up discovering it and went once and was like, I have come home. It felt like I can breathe with these people. Like, really, really a special, special group of men and women from all types of business realms.

Alex Alexander  31:25

What had you been doing before this?

Kristin Morrison  31:29

Oh, before I became a business owner, or…?

Alex Alexander  31:31

No, no, like, before this group. Was your mindset, kind of like to make it to the top, you got to go alone? Or were you trying to lean on other friends for business things and that wasn’t working out? Like what were you doing before you found these people? 

Kristin Morrison  31:45

Yeah, I was really focused on business and had left some of my friends kind of in the dust. Kind of like when some people and myself included when I’ve gotten into relationships, you know, and romantic relationships. And then all of a sudden, I’m with that person all the time and not with my friends. My business was kind of my primary partner at that point. I wasn’t in that romantic relationship. And so, that became where I put most of my energy and attention. Because I wanted to be successful. And I love to use that word “successful” in quotes, because a lot of people equate success with money. And I did too, just in the beginning of being a business owner, just as part of the unconscious belief out there, that money is success. But really what I was noticing is, at a certain point in my business, I had a lot of money, but not a lot of time. And I realized that I wanted both. I wanted to create time and money. And I didn’t know anyone in my circle. This was before being a part of this group that had both time and money. They either had a lot of money, and not a lot of time like I did, or they had a lot of time and they were stressed about money. And either one of those, both of those are factors for living a life that is stressful, right? Really stressful. And so I wanted to create a life and a work life that had both time and money. And there are a number of ways that I ended up creating that I’m not going to go into that right now, but what I will say is that, as I was really exploring that theme for myself of wanting to create a life that had time and money, I realized that I wanted time, because relationships were actually the barometer for my feeling of success. Like the quality of my relationships were what contributed to me feeling successful as a human being and also as a business owner. You know, if I am a very successful business owner, but I have few friends and my romantic relationship is suffering or non existent, that to me is not a successful life, or a successful business.

Alex Alexander  34:31

Who do you have to share with? Who do you tell about your successes? Who do you go to in the hard times? 

Kristin Morrison  34:38

That’s right. That’s right. 

Alex Alexander  34:40

We’re just truly not meant to do it all alone.

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Kristin Morrison  34:43

We aren’t and even for those of us that are introverts, you know, that really thrive on being alone, at the end of the day, being alone isn’t going to, I think, nourish and nurture us, the way allowing people to come into our lives does. And we allow people to come into our lives by creating time and space for them. And so, I’m thinking about when I wanted to manifest my husband, you know, it was like, I put time and energy into that. So I started dating, but I also created space in my very tiny bedroom at the time. I lived in a very small cottage, my bed could barely fit in there, but I knew I wanted to create, I wanted to do some Feng Shui, you know. So to create space, that’s what Feng Shui is. It’s like creating intentional space for what we want to show up to show up. And so I moved my bed a little far away from the wall, I put a little nightstand there for my future partner, so that my he would have a spot Yeah, to put his mug of tea in the morning, you know? And so we do that, too. We can do Feng Shui with our schedules. Like if we don’t have any blank space in our schedule, in our calendar, where do we put our relationships?


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Alex Alexander  36:16

Well, I would venture to say to it’s not even, like blank space, yes, but also, you know, where are we already living life that we could do those activities, have those conversations, sit in thought, share those experiences with somebody, you know, in the romantic realm? We’re talking about like creating space in your home physically. But in friendships, you know, if you’re somebody who wants a friend that’ll come over and have a barbecue with you and your family, starting to think about inviting friends over and intermixing them with your family, like your kids playing with someone else’s kids, you can block out slots in your schedule. And or just find places where you can incorporate people in. Business is a great example. You can block out your calendar to find a business group. That’s great. But then once you do that, are you going to like business conferences together? Are you sitting down monthly and comparing your finances and new hires and getting advice, maybe sitting in on a meeting with each other and just kind of giving advice later? There’s so many ways you can let people in.

Kristin Morrison  37:41

Yeah, you’re right. And what we used to do in the business group is some of us would go out to lunch after. And it was so sweet. Because it was like, the business group was kind of… it was business, you know? But then we would go and we would enjoy each other’s company after through eating lunch, through finding out about their family, their passions, all of that. That was beautiful. And I miss that a lot, actually. So I’m looking forward to when we do go back to in person to be able to have lunch with everybody again.

Alex Alexander [Narration]  38:19

If you have been around, if you’ve listened to my other podcast episodes, you have heard me talk about this concept of roots. This is this theory that I made up that talks about or explains the ways our friendships are being held together. And so what’s happening here is this business group is a shared experience, roots. Kristin goes, meets with these people regularly, they talk about business. If she went home and had a business question, she might text them later. Because this is their shared experience. They connect around business. What she’s referring to with the lunches after is what I call an off shoot root. So when you’re doing these things with people, when you’re your business group, when you’re at a running club, when you’re at the PTA meeting, off shoot roots are the things that because you’re already together, it’s easy to initiate. It’s easy to end the PTA meeting and say, “Does anyone want to grab a bite to eat at the place next door?” Or as she’s saying here, “When you are the business group, anyone wants to grab lunch?” If you’re at the running group, “Does anyone want to get together tomorrow and run the same route?” It’s kind of these things you throw out. They’re related, but the thing is when you do these, they aren’t exactly the shared experience. Like you could go to lunch, and fall back and just have business combo the entire time. And everyone would feel incredibly comfortable. But because there’s no structure here, you can start to kind of work in those personal questions of, “Oh, where are you from? Do you live nearby? Are you in a relationship?” That you kind of start to find these things out. And you might ask those at the business meeting. But you’re probably there a little more focused. Not always, but sometimes. Anyways, that’s how I describe these kind of add on connections, as I call them off shoot roots.

Kristin Morrison  40:53

You know, as you were talking, Alex, I was thinking about my wonderful neighbor who lives. I live in a very unusual area in Northern California. It’s on a boardwalk, and we park our car, and we have to walk five minutes to get to her house on a narrow boardwalk. You know, our front yard is the water. Our backyard is like a tidal marsh. And it’s really special and beautiful. But it sounds a little weird. So, I have to explain it a little bit. So anyway, it’s a very tight knit community, because there are 50 homes here. And you have to really takes some effort to get here, right? You have to… you have to walk.

Alex Alexander  41:33

You want to live there to do some of these things. 

Kristin Morrison  41:36

Yeah, and traverse the rain, and everybody has carts and all of that. So all of this to be said, there’s this woman, Julie, who moved in maybe about two years ago. And she’s such a community builder, she has created… like, she’ll put on the online message board, “Come on over for game night”, or “I’m having a barbecue for Labor Day”, you know? “Bring whatever you want, but do let me know so that we don’t have all desserts”, you know? And when she had an event, the last event that she had was just joyous, like a soul connecting all these neighbors. She said to me, “Hardly any couples ever invite me over because I’m single.” And I was like, oh, my gosh, I had forgotten about that. Like, what it’s like to be a single person with a lot of married friends. And it really like I bookmark that thought, and I was like, I’m gonna start to invite single friends over. Not just married friends.

Alex Alexander  42:49

Yeah, this is a real thing. I have talked about this with a lot of people. And that’s mainly because my husband and I are very intentional about trying to build our own friendships. So say, we became friends with you and your husband. The way we look at it is not necessarily just like, you’re our couple friends. We are one unit, you are one unit. The way we look at it is that couple friend dynamic is one. Me being friends with you as one, our husbands being friends, but then also, me being friends with your husband and you being friends with my husband. And we’re not all going to be equal, close knit. Like, sometimes we might kind of be more of that, I call like a familiar friend, acquaintance type thing. But we make a real big point to figure out like, what are our shared interests? What do we talk about with each other? And what they talk about might be different than what you and I talk about, might be different than what the four of us talk about. Anyways, the point of this was to say, I think when you think of it that way, it makes it easier to be friends with the single people. Because it’s not us as a couple versus the single person. It’s like each of us having our own friendship with them.

Kristin Morrison  44:14

Yeah. And autonomy. 

Alex Alexander  44:16

Yeah, and it doesn’t have to be a unit where like, the three of us always have to hang out. But I think that that’s a real, real thing. People get kind of like siloed in to, you know, looking for a couple of friends or single people or whatnot, versus just trying to find some shared interests among them.

Kristin Morrison  44:41

Exactly. Yeah. I was really glad that she was vulnerable enough to share that because it made an impact on me. It really did.

Alex Alexander  44:51

And then you never know. Like, you might… I’m trying to think of my friendships. Like somebody’s husband, a friend of mine’s husband, I don’t have an exact example in my mind, but they might also own a business. And then that might be our connection is kind of talking about what’s going on in our businesses. What’s new, what we’ve seen, what we’re trying, how we’re marketing ourselves, or whatever instead of it just being like, oh, you’re my friend’s husband. Like, we really try and find the connection points.

Kristin Morrison  45:26

That’s great. I really like that. I think that’s so important. And I love the consciousness that you bring to friendship, and that your husband does too, it sounds like.

Alex Alexander [Narration]  45:39

Since this entire episode kind of ended up being about like, the energy we are putting into our friendships, the choices, we are consciously making the little ones that are adding up to build our friendships, I just want to reiterate what we just talked about. And that is, instead of passively depending on this idea of couple friends. Michael, and I go in to these dynamics, each consciously trying to find the things we can connect with the people in the room about. So whether that is a single person or another couple, we both take on the responsibility ourselves, to figure out what interests we share with each person, not just the couple. Because that is what’s going to make it so that… say, we went on a trip with some couple of friends of ours and Michael was off doing something. And the person, the friend I’m closer with, and that couple is off doing something, and now it is me and my friend spouse sitting there. And if we’re just relying on this couple friend dynamic, then it’s probably awkward and silent. But if we’ve figured out some basic things that we’re interested in at least, if not more, we might have all sorts of things we’re interested in, that we share an interest in. We can sit around by ourselves for hours. And that, in my mind, is what I’m trying to build. Where I’m not dependent on that dynamic of four people. It could be two, it could be three, it could be all four, can switch in and out. But when we show up, and we get to know these people, we are both consciously trying to do our own work and build our own connections with the single friend or the couples. I mean, we talked earlier about like the limiting beliefs and people feeling lonely. Like society really gives us this message of whittle it down to just a few core people. All you need is that small circle, find a romantic partner. And that if I think about it, like I’m a very complex person with a lot of interests, a lot of passions, a business, all these things.  Thinking that my husband and maybe three friends would share all those interests is wild.

Kristin Morrison  48:29

Yeah, it’s impossible. 

Alex Alexander  48:30

It’s impossible. So meetings really like take control myself and find this more diverse support system where I do have people to turn to for the variety of parts of my life.

Kristin Morrison  48:45

Yeah, yeah. I can remember this moment in time of reading an article of like, you only really need three friends. Three really good friends and you’re good, you know, and realizing, okay, I don’t want to have more than three friends. Like I made a decision based on that article because I felt like I couldn’t give, like we were talking about earlier, couldn’t give energy to all of my friendships. But different friendships require different things, and outputs of energy. And so I just realized, after that, after making that decision, and then noticing how my life kind of shrunk, instead of expanded in a really flourishing way. I threw that away, that belief. And I thought, who am I to limit the love that I can give and receive? Like as a human being, we’re capable of so much. And I think trying to contain that love to I’m just going to have love for my partner, my family and three friends is like… I don’t want to go there, I want to have a more fluid experience with my friendships and allow love in as much as wants to come to me.

Alex Alexander  50:19

It really boxes us into I think, right? When you cut it off like that, you’re not allowing in these outside influences, this potential support, these windows into other ways to live, more information. And I get that that can be kind of overwhelming. But I have found that letting more people in is the fastest way to figuring out who I am, what I care about, who I love, who I turned to, how I can support other people versus closing it off. I will admit I’ve never closed it off to three friends. So, I don’t know exactly what that’s like. But on the other end of the spectrum, I just think that more people, more intentional people maybe it’s a good way to put it, you know, if you’re just out there trying to collect 100 best friends, that would be really overwhelming. But if you spend the time to really think about like, why do I enjoy this person in my life, what do they bring to my life, what do I bring to theirs, then it becomes easier to see the ways. Like maybe they’re asking for support, and you’re like, they’re not even really asking me. They know I’m not the right person to ask for this, you know, like the business thing with my husband. I could wander around my house and be like, I just need somebody to tell me how to… I don’t know, automate the podcast or something. I could be yelling that and he knows, he’s like that… I don’t have the answer to that question. I’m never gonna have the answer to that question. He’s just gonna like, go about his day. And he doesn’t feel the pressure to provide that answer. Because he knows I have plenty of people to turn to. And I think that’s because we’ve taken the time to be intentional and know that this isn’t his strength.

Kristin Morrison  52:18

Yeah, I think intentionality is a really important factor in this. It is being intentional about letting go of limiting beliefs that we may have about friendships. It’s being willing to create space in our schedule for friendships, or like you said, and/or invite people into our existing experiences. Yeah, our life. Hey, we all have to eat, you know? Why not invite a friend over for dinner? You have to do it anyway. And my husband and I are very intentional actually about dinner. We always have dinner together. It’s just our thing. And I don’t even think about it anymore, but that’s an option. 

Alex Alexander  53:11

And there’s just so many… it’s not the holidays right now, but I use this one all the time of like, around the holidays, a lot of people got to wrap presents. There’s no reason. You couldn’t just say, “Hey, I have a lot of wrapping paper, bring a couple rolls, I have tape, I have scissors, put your presents in a laundry basket and come over and we can all just sit here and wrap together.” 

Kristin Morrison  53:32

That’s awesome. I love that. 

Alex Alexander  53:33

You know, we all need to, I don’t know, take our car…

Kristin Morrison  53:38

… to get an oil change. Come on. Let’s show.

Alex Alexander  53:39

… to get an oil change. Do we all want to meet at the coffee shop down the road or go for a walk? Or sit across the street? Like sometimes I think we have time. If I’m just sitting there in an oil change, I’m either working, which might be productive, but might just mean me trying to fill the time or scrolling. Maybe I’m reading, that’s great. That’s maybe… I feel a lot better with that piece of time. Maybe I’ll go on a walk that’s good for my mental health. But there’s just this variety of ways I think we can bring people into our lives.

Kristin Morrison  54:13

Yes. Yeah. So to look at the existing activities that we have going on already, what are we doing that perhaps to bring a friend into those could enhance our life and theirs?

Alex Alexander  54:30

Mm hmm. And what areas is our focus? You know, what activities we’re doing, but also what areas are we focused on if business or kids or travel, like kind of trying to be intentional about which of our friends are the people we could talk to about that stuff. Whether it’s to learn something or to get support or just because we love travel, and we want to spend some time just like talking to someone about all the places they’ve been and where we might want to go and what our next trip is? Like daydream a little bit about it.

Kristin Morrison  55:03

Exactly. I love that. Going back to being intentional, so one of the things as far as my goals for the each week and each month is that I’m going to connect with a friend. I think having these guidelines can be really important, because it quantifies it, you know, not to get too data driven. But I think it’s… there’s something about setting a goal around friendships. So for me, it’s on a weekly basis connecting with at least one friend, you know, however, that is done, but me initiating. And then every month connecting with two or more friends in real life.

Alex Alexander  55:48

So it’s funny, you’re saying like, this isn’t data driven? I’ve had so many people push back on this, because I talk about doing exactly what you’re doing, setting a like, incredibly manageable goal whether it’s texting, getting together, reaching out sending a note, whatever it is. There’s a lot of different goals you can send. You know, and I’ve had people push back like, well, just because you do that, doesn’t mean people are going to accept or whatnot. Okay. Hear me out. The thing is, we can never control the other person in these relationships. All we can control is ourselves. And there are a lot of people out there who have a lot of beliefs about who they are as a friend, and as a community member, as a connection, whatever. And a lot of them are not good. A lot of people would say like, “I’m bad at making friends, I am a bad friend. I’m not active in my communities”, whatever the belief is. So really, part of the setting of the goals, and the consistency and the keeping of the goals is just proving to yourself that you are a person who can make friends who can be an active contributor, who can belong somewhere, like you’re doing these small actions. Now, whether the person answers the phone call or not, whether you actually get together for dinner, whatever the outcome is, I think, my own personal theory, that it’s actually less important. Because if you start to believe that you’re the type of person who has friends, and is a contributing member and all that, it’s like the lacing up of the tennis shoes. Like you will start to find that maybe you just naturally pick up the phone and call someone without it being on your to do list or you volunteer to partake in your neighborhoods barbecue on a more significant level. And I think just so many people don’t believe they are this type of person. Like the first step is to prove to yourself that you are.

Kristin Morrison  58:06

Yes, exactly. And I think it’s a habit too, right? So, t’s cultivating that habit. And creating that awareness, out of sight out of mind is… is a real thing for people that tend to be busy, especially busy business owners, right? And so that’s why I think bringing in awareness to gamifying it or creating goals for it is going to create awareness so that it does become a natural part of life. But it’s not going to feel natural at first. No, it requires initiating, it requires reaching out, it requires taking the time. And that can be had if it’s a part of a goal for the week or the month. Like for me, at the end of the month, I look at my goal setting software that I have that I use to track my goals. And I’m like, oh, wow, I did get together with one friend. But I still have, you know… where’s the second one? I’m gonna make a phone call.

Alex Alexander  59:13

You’re going to keep the promise to yourself. You are the person who does this. 

Kristin Morrison  59:17

Yeah, that’s right, that I keep my word to myself. And that’s where the word starts is like ourselves. And when we make a commitment to ourselves, and we don’t keep that, then we’re likely to not keep our word to others. It really does start with us.

Alex Alexander  59:36

And I think that once this becomes a habit, if there is a lull, if like a business takes over or some big life change happens, you feel the difference. So after a while, you’re going to be like, it’s going to be no different than getting back to getting out the door for a run. You’re gonna kind of like, crave it after a while. Now, this is just part of who you are and you’ll figure out a new way to bring it into your life.

Want to listen to one of the most popular episodes? Check out How to Make Friends as a Grown-up or What is a Friend? and the 4 Types of Friends We All Have.

Kristin Morrison  1:00:08

Yeah, and I think being connected with others helps us feel connected to ourselves. Right? Yeah, it takes the loneliness away and puts it with solitude, which is a much more intentional way to give ourselves what we might need, in terms of alone time, solitude instead of loneliness. And for me when I am intentional about my friendships, and really making time for them, reaching out, connecting with them in real life, then I am, 9 times out of 10, feeling much more connected to myself as well. And that has a ripple effect. It’s very life enhancing, I think. And, you know, in Europe and other parts of the world, including actually Hawaii, people make time for connection. Work isn’t the primary driving force for a lot of people outside of the US. And sometimes people in Hawaii call California and other states outside of Hawaii, like America, like, are you going back to America? You know, it’s funny. But when I’m in Hawaii, it’s just like… and they call it talk story. Like people hang out and talk. And they stop on a walk and connect with a stranger. It’s just… it’s incredible. The difference that I noticed between bay area where I am now and Hawaii.

Alex Alexander  1:01:49

I mean, this is an episode. I could do a whole episode on this, but yeah. I mean, there’s a big component of the underlying, like this podcast, the work I’m doing, that is a little more like counterculture, social justice, being less intentional about friendship, and community is counterculture to mainland US. 

Kristin Morrison  1:02:13

It’s true. It’s very true. 

Alex Alexander  1:02:15

However, so many of people’s struggles could be alleviated. Maybe not entirely, but a good amount if they had more support in a variety of areas of life.

Kristin Morrison  1:02:30

Yes, I got an Uber ride from the airport back to my home here last week. And the Uber driver was telling me how he’s moving back to his country. He lives in Africa. And he was saying how he tried living in America, he called in America for a long time a number of years, and he just didn’t feel supported. And in some countries, the country actually supports the people, right? Free health care, whatever. It’s like there’s a level of support in the US. We don’t have that to that degree. And also, a lot of us don’t make time for friendships. And so, the combination of that can lead to a really disconnected individual, I think. 

Alex Alexander  1:03:28

Oh, yes. If you got in my DMs, you would see some wild stories.

Kristin Morrison  1:03:33

I am sure. And I hear wild stories as a business and life coach to all the time. Like, I hear people that haven’t talked to another human being, except for me in a week. Yeah. And so it’s like, what can we do as individuals to feel more connected, and to maybe step out of victimhood too of like, I don’t feel connected, you know, and then we go down the spiral, the negative spiral, and it’s hard to get back out of that, called the toilet bowl flush, right?

Alex Alexander  1:04:13

I would argue that. I get why people go to the victimhood if that’s where you’re at, I get it. Because I really, truly don’t think people are taught these skills and habits. There’s really no conversation and everyday life about what this feels like, what this looks like, what people are doing. You know, there are end lists, books out there on romantic relationships, parent child relationships. In comparison, there are so few books on friendship and community. And the first way to get yourself out of anything is information. 

Kristin Morrison  1:04:54

Yeah, that’s right. 

Alex Alexander  1:04:56

And we really don’t have that it’s hard for people to find.

Kristin Morrison  1:05:01

It is, and I think admitting that we might need something other than what we have, it’s like acceptance or admitting that there’s a problem can be the first step too. And I wasn’t in any way trying to shame anyone that perhaps feels victimey around it. I, myself have felt that, you know. It’s been a while, but because I do feel connected now, but when I wasn’t feeling connected, I did go to that place. And it seemed impossible to be able to feel connected. So I guess I want to speak to those people who might right now be feeling so disconnected. And it seems like such a huge hurdle to even make one friend, let alone have three or more. Because I know there are people out there that are listening, that are feeling that. And if that’s where you are, wonderful person, there is hope. There is hope for you, you can change that. And I think it does start with feeling that disconnection as uncomfortable as that may be instead of, if you’re a business owner, burying yourself in work, because you feel lonely. That being the go to, because there are feelings that you don’t want to feel. Maybe putting that on pause for a moment, even just in this moment right now and just feeling like, wow, I feel lonely. Okay, I don’t have to figure out how to fix this in this moment. But my first step is to just allow myself to feel the contrast of where I am now and where I want to be.

Alex Alexander  1:06:48

And then I would say, you’re towards the end of this episode, you’ve listened this far. See if you found a place that has some information. The next thing I would say is like, really go back and examine what is a friend. I have an episode on this. If you are this person, go listen to that episode. Because my suggestion would be to pick one area that you want to connect with someone about whether that’s an interest or an area of your life somewhere you need support, and find that. Like, it doesn’t need to be this big, overwhelming friendship. Those take… I think we often forget how long how much time it takes to build that. But the in between is so valuable. And this culture just doesn’t see it as valuable. But it is.

Kristin Morrison  1:07:40

Yeah. And it’s like being in the hallway, right, between where we are now and where we want to be, that door number three or whatever. Here we are in the hallway not quite having what we want yet. But we can take a step forward. And it can be a step. Like you mentioned, Alex, of what is an area of my life that I would like to feel or create some connection around. I just think that is such a good first step.

Alex Alexander  1:08:09

Yeah. I mean, I get it if you feel so lonely, whether it’s overall or just in one area of life, it could just be one area where you like, truly need some support, and you just can’t find it. And maybe you’re even looking at other friends saying, why can’t you support me in this? Like you’re mad at them because they’re your friends and they should do that. But they’re like, really not the right people if you took a second and thought about it. That you can find somebody for that part of your life like those people are out there. Other people want this too, start putting yourself in those places around those people, join a group. Connect with the people around you, become a person who goes and puts yourself out there a little bit. Because I just think that the way that friendship has been framed is very overwhelming. That thought of like building that true friend, real friend, whatever. I’m saying that with my eyes rolling truly because I think that we’ve just set these insane, unrealistic expectations on friendships. And if we lowered our expectations and got a little more, like niche, intentional realistic, our relationships be so much more fulfilling.

Kristin Morrison  1:09:34

Yeah. And they would organically be more filled with depth perhaps like not forcing it but just exploring. right? And bringing it back to what we were talking about earlier about friendship being like exercise. The more we can do it, the more comfortable it will feel, the more we’re going to feel the absence of it when it’s not there, and that may perhaps cause us to be more intentional. It’s like this beautiful spiral. Also, I want to say, and I had this when I was looking for a partner, and I think it can be really valuable around friendships to it is remembering that what you want wants you what you want, wants you. And so if you’re wanting a partner wanting a friend, there are people out there who are wanting that also. And if they meet you, they’re going to want that with you. Yeah, so the trick is to leave your house, you know?

Alex Alexander  1:10:47

Go out there.,

Kristin Morrison  1:10:47

Yeah, go for a walk, you know? And you can meet people online, like you and I are doing Alex, that’s a beautiful thing too. But just be willing to spread your wings just a little bit. Because what you want wants you.

Alex Alexander  1:11:03

I think that is like such a beautiful way to close this, for people to just think about that a little bit. What you want wants you. Kristin, thank you so much for being here today.

Kristin Morrison  1:11:17

You’re welcome.

Alex Alexander  1:11:18

I am beyond grateful for your time and your vulnerability, for sharing all your experiences that will be so valuable for people.

Kristin Morrison  1:11:26

I really appreciate what you’re doing Alex bringing this heightened awareness to this very important topic that changes lives. Having friendship, good, solid friendships and, you know, light hearted friendships too and acquaintances. These things all create a rich, meaningful life. So you are helping people create rich, meaningful lives. And I’m grateful for that.

Alex Alexander [Narration]  1:11:59

Thank you. I recorded this episode with Kristin a couple weeks ago. I batch my content. And it’s funny because I just listened back to this entire episode to do the narration. And I want to tell you some honest thoughts. I needed this episode. When I record these, I kind of blackout. I don’t really but I just kind of get into flow. And sure, I remember some things. But I truly just listened back to that. And I want to tell you that I am the person who in friendship has laced up my shoes. I have built great connections. I have friendships that I trust in. And I also have spent the past few months so focused on work, that amount of shape, amount of social wellness shape. I don’t feel very good about it. And that’s not a judgment thing. I’ve been talking about this on social a little bit. This is a neutral thing. I’m not ashamed that I haven’t been connecting with friends. I don’t feel like a bad friend. I just have come to realize that I need to put in the energy be a little more intentional connect with my friends get out there, do things, text them, like I feel I know what that runner’s high is a friendship. And I’m not feeling it right now. But I know the actions that it takes to get there again. And that’s what I’m going to do. So, it’s funny to listen back to this episode because I recorded it to share it with all of you, but it’s about me. Somehow, this whole thing trails my current experience. And I could have not recorded this little clip here at the end, but I wanted to because I just want to say that this friendship thing, social wellness, community connection, like it’s never ending. We’re gonna have ups we’re gonna have downs, we’re gonna feel really solid in this part of our life. And then it’s gonna dip… no matter what you might perceive of me talking about this on the internet and having a bunch of friends because I do, doesn’t mean anybody has any idea how I’m really feeling about it. So, I’m just being honest about that. All of us are somewhere between putting on our shoes and convincing ourselves to go for that first run and having the run. No judgement where you are on that journey. With that, I’ll see you next week. 

Alex Alexander  [1:14:49]

Thank you for listening to this episode of Friendship IRL. I am so honored to have these conversations with you. But don’t let the chat die here. Send me a voice message. I created a special website just to chat with you. You can find it at alexalex.chat. You can also find me on Instagram. My handle, @itsalexalexander. Or go ahead and leave a review wherever you prefer to listen to podcasts. Now if you want to take this conversation a step further, send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting. And use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out. No need for a teary Goodbye. I’ll be back with a new episode next week.

Profile Photo for Alex Alexander a blonde haired white woman smiling at the camera. She is in her 30s with her hair down and curled and wearing a grey sweater.

Hi! I'm Alex.

I am just a person who has spent an extraordinary amount of time trying to understand some of the relationships that I hold most dear. I invite you to join in on the conversation below in the comments section below.

Ask questions, leave comments, share critiques or give advice. All are welcome.

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Hi. I'm Alex.

I'm just a gal who cares deeply about community + friendship. Why? Well, I didn't have a healthy support system growing up.

So I built one... out of friends. I believe a healthy support system is the ultimate self-care.

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