“Would you like to come over for pizza?”
That’s it. That’s Leah Wiseman Fink’s secret weapon for building the kind of thriving community that makes other parents stop and stare in wonder.
When I asked her about it on episode 57 of Friendship IRL, she laughed and said, “I have to admit that I have the easiest in. I say, ‘Would you like to come over for pizza?’ So like, I cheat. Mine is a complete cheat.”
But here’s the truth: Leah isn’t cheating. She’s just figured out something that most of us are missing when it comes to building friendships as busy adults.
She has an opening line.
The Hidden Energy Drain That’s Killing Your Social Life
Let me paint you a picture. You’re at the playground, and you strike up a great conversation with another parent. Your kids are playing beautifully together. You’re thinking, “This person seems really cool. We should hang out sometime.”
And then… nothing happens.
Not because you don’t want to connect. Not because they seemed uninterested. But because when the moment came to suggest actually getting together, your brain went blank.
What should we do? Coffee? A playdate? Dinner? Where should we go? When works for everyone? Is that too formal? Too casual?
By the time you’ve mentally cycled through all the options, the moment has passed. The kids are melting down. Everyone’s packing up to leave. And you walk away with that familiar pang of a missed connection.
Sound familiar?
Here’s what’s really happening: You’re using precious mental energy on friendship logistics every single time you want to connect with someone. And when you’re already juggling work, family, and approximately 47 other responsibilities, that extra cognitive load feels overwhelming.
So you just… don’t. You keep those surface-level interactions surface-level because suggesting the next step feels like too much work.
What Dating Apps Taught Me About Friendship
I’ll be honest with you… I’ve never been on a dating app. Michael and I met in college before apps were a thing. But I’ve watched enough friends navigate the dating world to notice something genius about how they approached first dates.
My friends who were serious about dating? They didn’t spend energy coming up with creative new date ideas every single time. Instead, they had a rotation of three or four tried-and-true spots they used depending on the situation.
They had that sushi spot for happy hour. The reliable dinner place. The brewery worked well for weekend afternoons. Maybe one activity option.
They’d rotate through these options, and some of them used to joke about how the servers probably knew them at this point because they were there so frequently with different people.
The genius wasn’t in the variety. It was in the system. They removed the decision fatigue so they could focus their energy on the actual connection.
Why aren’t we doing this with friendship?
The Opening Line Revolution
When Leah told me about her pizza strategy, something clicked. She wasn’t just being generous (though she absolutely is). She was being strategic.
“I always send pizza because again, that’s at my fingertips,” she explained. “But it’s just like everybody needs to eat. It warms people’s hearts, it cheers them up and often brings people together.”
But then she said something that really got my attention: “Like, figure out what your opening line is.”
Your opening line isn’t just what you say. It’s your go-to way of creating connection opportunities.
Think about it. Leah owns a pizzeria, so her opening line naturally involves food. But the principle works for anyone:
- ▪️ The friend with a bounce house in their basement: “Hey, want to bring your kid over to play on the bouncer?”
- ▪️ The person who walks their dog every morning: “I’m at the park with Luna around 8 AM most days. Text me if you want to join!”
- ▪️ The coffee enthusiast: “I’m always trying new coffee shops on weekends. Want to check one out together?”
The magic isn’t in having the perfect opening line. It’s in having an opening line that you can deploy without having to reinvent the wheel every single time.
What Makes a Great Opening Line
After analyzing Leah’s approach and thinking about the most successful friend-makers I know, here’s what effective opening lines have in common:
They’re specific. “We should hang out sometime” is not an opening line. “Want to come over for pizza Friday night?” is.
They’re low-pressure. The best opening lines don’t require a huge time commitment or elaborate planning. They’re easy to say yes to.
They play to your strengths. Leah has pizza at her fingertips. Another friend I know is obsessed with trying new restaurants. Someone else always knows about interesting events happening in the city. Work with what you’ve got.
They’re repeatable. This is key. Your opening line should be something you can offer multiple times without it feeling weird or forced.
They remove barriers. Good opening lines eliminate the “but where?” and “but when?” questions that often derail spontaneous connection attempts.
In the full episode, Leah shares so many more examples of how she’s used this principle to build her incredible community in Brooklyn. Her stories about meeting mom friends, entrepreneur connections, and even how she helps facilitate these connections for others through Facebook groups are absolutely brilliant.
Finding Your Opening Line: A Framework
Ready to develop your own friendship toolkit? Here’s how to start:
Step 1: Audit Your Resources
What do you already have access to that could become a connection point?
- ▪️ A great walking route
- ▪️ A pool or backyard space
- ▪️ Knowledge about local events
- ▪️ A hobby or skill you could share
- ▪️ A regular activity you already do
Step 2: Consider Your Lifestyle
When do you have the most energy for social connection? What kinds of activities feel sustainable for you right now?
- ▪️ Morning person? Coffee walks might be your thing
- ▪️ Love cooking? Casual dinner invites
- ▪️ Need to combine socializing with exercise? Workout buddies
- ▪️ Kids need to be entertained? Playground meetups
Step 3: Test and Refine
Start with one or two opening lines and see how they feel. Pay attention to:
- ▪️ What feels natural to offer
- ▪️ What gets positive responses
- ▪️ What you actually enjoy following through on
- ▪️ What fits into your schedule without stress
Step 4: Build Your Rotation
Just like those dating app veterans, develop a few different options for different situations:
- ▪️ The quick connection (coffee, short walk)
- ▪️ The family-friendly option (if you have kids)
- ▪️ The deeper hangout (dinner, longer activity)
- ▪️ The group option (for when you want to introduce people)
Beyond the Opening Line: Making It Stick
Here’s something Leah mentioned that I can’t stop thinking about: “Whatever works. Your stroller, do you have hand-me-downs? Can I give you hand-me-downs? Like, there’s a variety of ways that you can make connections.”
The opening line gets you started, but building real friendships requires follow-through. Leah’s pizza invites work because she’s genuinely invested in creating community. She shows up. She follows up. She remembers details about people’s lives.
But having that go-to invitation removes the friction that stops so many of us from even trying.
“That first step can really trip people up,” Leah told me. “But I think that might be the part to concentrate on, like, can I push myself over the hump to do that?”
The complete episode explores exactly how Leah has built her entire support system using this principle, plus so many other strategies for busy parents and entrepreneurs who want real community. Her approach to recurring gatherings, showing up for people, and balancing friendship with all of life’s other demands is something you’ll want to hear in full.
Your Turn to Practice
Here’s what I actually want you to do this week:
Choose one potential opening line based on something you already have access to or genuinely enjoy. Write it down. Practice saying it out loud (seriously, this helps).
Look for one opportunity to use it. Maybe it’s with someone you already know but haven’t hung out with one-on-one. Maybe it’s with that parent you always chat with at pickup, but have never seen outside of school.
Pay attention to how it feels. Does it roll off your tongue naturally? Do you feel confident offering it? Does the other person respond positively?
Remember: “It doesn’t stay that you’re Facebook group friends,” as Leah put it. “Once you are up to the point where you’re meeting people in person, right? And then you’re like finding your people, like now it’s real friendship and not online group chat friendship.”
The opening line is just the vehicle. The real magic happens when you start showing up for each other in all the beautiful, messy, pizza-filled ways that real friendship requires.
What’s your opening line going to be?
Ready to hear more about how Leah built her thriving Brooklyn community from scratch? The full episode dives deep into her strategies for recurring gatherings, making time for friends as a busy entrepreneur and mom, and why she spends her own time helping other parents make these crucial connections. Listen to episode 57 of Friendship IRL wherever you get your podcasts, and don’t forget to subscribe, because the conversation about authentic connection is just getting started.
