I’m about to tell you the most counterintuitive friendship advice you’ll ever hear.
If you want CLOSER friendships?
Start cheering on your friends for hanging out with each other WITHOUT you.
Start actively ENCOURAGING your friends to make OTHER friends.
And before you think I’m some kind of friendship saint?
Let me be clear:
When my friends have rich, full social lives, I actually benefit MORE than anyone.
The Challenge
Here’s what I’m going to do in today’s episode:
I’m going to share REAL LIFE stories of mine.
Times I’ve either:
- ▪️ Actively encouraged my friends to make other friends
- ▪️ Genuinely cheered on friends for hanging out together without me
And while I’m telling these stories, I want you to listen for all the ways this approach actually BENEFITS ME.
Keep a mental tally.
At the end, I’ll reveal a very long list of benefits.
In fact, let me scroll down for a second…
There are 1… 2… 3… SIXTEEN.
There are SIXTEEN benefits listed here.
So how many can YOU come up with during this episode?
Story #1: The NICU Mom Friend Who Lives Far Away
The first story is about a friend of mine.
I’ve talked about her on the podcast before, so some of this might sound familiar.
She’s a friend who currently lives far away. I have to get on an airplane to see her.
In an alternate reality (in my DREAMS) I can imagine a life where we live in the same neighborhood.
Or just a 5-10 minute drive away.
We’re at each other’s houses all the time. I just walk in through the front door.
I can envision an alternate universe that honestly makes me want to CRY a little.
Because I wish that was the reality.
But she lives a couple states away.
I have to get on a plane. Vice versa. She has to come back (she DID live in Seattle for a period).
And although I have asked, I’ve been told it’s VERY unlikely.
One time I asked what the percentage chance was (just for a reality check).
I think it was like 5% or less.
So I’m not holding out that she’s moving back here.
What I Do Instead
Although I would LOVE that reality, that’s not our reality.
I miss her. I wish I could be there daily. But I can’t.
So instead? I have encouraged her WHOLEHEARTEDLY, so many times over the past few years.
When she first moved, she was like: “Gosh, it’s SO HARD to make friends.”
We brainstormed all the places she could go:
- ▪️ Craft groups?
- ▪️ Workout groups?
I remember her telling me about a client appreciation event (real estate agent or financial planner, something like that).
I was like: “You should GO. You never know who you’ll meet.”
I am CONSTANTLY encouraging her to make new friends.
Her Journey
Over the past few years, she had a little boy. My nephew. One of my faves.
(I mean, I love ALL these kiddos so much.)
He was in the NICU for an extended period of time.
There are things about that journey I will NEVER fully understand.
Even though I went and lived in her house while they were in the NICU.
Even though I’ve BEEN to the NICU when he was there.
I will never understand what it’s like to be the mother of a medically complex kiddo.
So I have encouraged her WHOLEHEARTEDLY (so many times) to make:
- ▪️ Not only local friends
- ▪️ But also friends who UNDERSTAND her day-to-day life WITHOUT her having to tell them
Because I TRY to understand. I see some of it. But I still have to ask a LOT of questions.
It’s still not my day-to-day.
What I Encourage
Some things I’ve encouraged:
- ▪️ She joined a workout group (I LOVE seeing the posts that community makes! I ask about it!)
- ▪️ She’s told me about all the different friends she’s made and the dynamics (that’s been really fun)
- ▪️ I’ve encouraged her to connect in Facebook groups (not that she needed me to tell her, but I want to HEAR about it)
- ▪️ A few months ago (6-9 months now?), she went to a fundraising event
- ▪️ She sent me a photo, a selfie of her and another mom
- ▪️ She was like: “Look! NICU mom friends!”
And I’m all up in my text messages being like:
“WE LOVE NICU MOM FRIENDS! Oh my gosh, this is so exciting! I love this! It’s so cool you guys got to meet in person!”
The Both/And Reality
I could go on and on.
But what I’d say here: The reality isn’t an either/or.
It’s a BOTH things can exist reality.
I wish I was there. I wish she was here. I wish we were closer.
But if we’re not? I want her to THRIVE the same way she wants ME to thrive.
And I want to HEAR about it.
This is such an example of a historic friend situation.
I think there are many ways her and I are still present friends. We try to connect all the time.
But we’re not living our day-to-day lives together.
So the places where we CAN’T (where I can’t understand what her day-to-day looks like, and vice versa), we spend a lot of time being the BIGGEST ENCOURAGERS of finding the OTHER people to fill in.
Our role is almost ENCOURAGING each other:
“Hey, yeah! Keep going out there and building all those connections! I can’t wait to hear about them! When I’m in town, I want to MEET those people!”
Story #2: The Baseball Game (Activity-Specific Friends)
The next story is about activity-specific friends.
I could tell you stories of girlfriends who’ve gone off and done something I’m not interested in.
But the story that came to mind: Michael, my husband.
This past week, Michael and some of his friends went to a baseball game.
I’m not a huge sports person. Especially baseball.
Baseball’s not at the top of my interest list.
So he didn’t even ASK me if I wanted to go.
Also? It’s him and a couple close guy friends.
Now, these guys friends are actually, also, friends of MINE. And Michael is friends with their WIVES.
So this easily could have been a multiple-couple date.
But the ladies weren’t invited. It was a guy’s thing.
Multiple of them showed up at our house before they went. I got to say a quick hello.
Because it was a pretty big game with lots of traffic and expensive parking (and we live close to the stadium), I DROVE them and dropped them off.
They got out of the car.
I knew they were going to:
- ▪️ Hit up the bar before the game
- ▪️ Have a grand old time
- ▪️ Maybe go out after
I just said: “Bye! Have fun!”
Why This Story Matters
The reason I’m using this story:
For some reason, I think people feel like that’s MORE ACCEPTABLE (dropping off your husband and his guy friends) than if I told you a story about dropping off some of my GIRLFRIENDS to an activity I wasn’t interested in.
But my question to you is:
WHY is that different?
Why, as a society, do we see that as different and maybe more acceptable?
Just sit with that.
I think it’s very similar.
It’s pretty much the same as if a group of my closest friends wanted to go do something I wasn’t interested in.
And I was all for it. And I was like: “Yeah, I’ll drive you and drop you off to go see that concert.”
Sit with why you feel like that’s different.
Story #3: The Friend Trio (Willie, Fanny, and Me)
Another story is one that would really send a lot of people.
It’s the friend trio dynamic.
I had a conversation with my friend about this recently.
This friend and I had a kind of activity-specific friendship thing.
We were at a discount store. (This is a really random hobby of mine.)
We went to a store that processes Amazon returns.
For a lot of people, that sounds like a NIGHTMARE. I understand.
I think we kind of like the hunt. We think it’s fun.
Now, our OTHER friend in this trio? She’s one of those people who thinks it’s kind of a nightmare.
She came with us ONE TIME. She went along with it.
But this is NOT her choice of activity.
She’s kind of opted out. That’s an example of activity-specific.
She’s not that into it. So she’s like: “You guys have fun.”
We still invite her often. But often she’s like: “No, you two go.”
The Conversation
So it’s just the two of us at the store.
We were wandering the aisles, chatting about hanging out one-on-one when maybe there’s this established trio dynamic.
The friend I’m with mentions how the two of them (her and the friend who’s NOT there) went on a walk without me.
But she kind of TIPTOES around it. Like she’s a little nervous to tell me.
(Let me give them code names: The friend who’s not there = Fanny. The friend I’m with = Willie.)
(They’re both going to find this funny if they hear these nicknames.)
Willie tells me about the walk. I’m like: “Oh, that’s GREAT. I LOVE that you guys did that.”
Then I proceed to be like: “You know, Fanny and I hung out and had a full day last weekend.”
She goes: “Well, I know I was busy, but I love that you guys did that.”
And I go: “Well, just so you know, I wouldn’t have invited you.”
Yes, I Really Said That
Yes. I did tell my friend this.
“I wouldn’t have invited you. And it’s not because I don’t WANT you there.”
“I love when the three of us hang out.”
“But we OFTEN hang out the three of us.”
“And Fanny and I needed a little one-on-one friendship hangout time. We haven’t had that in a while.”
“So I really wanted to prioritize that.”
Willie and I kind of have this wandering-the-Amazon-return-aisle thing. That’s OUR shared experience.
Fanny and I don’t really have anything like that at the moment.
So we’ve been trying some different activities together.
And in order to do that, we kind of need to do that ALONE.
I will be very upfront about that with my other friend.
Willie was just like: “Oh, I LOVE that you guys are trying to find some activities to do together.”
This episode is packed with real stories about encouraging your friends to build their own social circles. Listen to the full episode to hear all of them.
The Result
Now it’s very clear that we’re all hanging out without each other.
She was not offended at all.
I gave her the REASON, which I think made it even easier to understand why, even if she HAD been available, I wouldn’t have called her.
Suddenly, there’s this TRANSPARENCY.
We don’t have to pretend it didn’t happen. We don’t have to worry about being “found out.”
We can openly discuss WHY.
Why This Is Taboo (But Shouldn’t Be)
The three of us do all sorts of things together.
Is it really that hard to believe that every once in a while, we all want some one-on-one time?
This sounds SO TABOO in friendship culture today.
And yet:
If we talk about FAMILY relationships, it’s SUPER COMMON for parents to talk about carving out one-on-one time with each of their children.
Parents want:
- ▪️ Both parents with one child (trip, dinner, activity)
- ▪️ Then the same with the second child
- ▪️ Maybe the third child
- ▪️ Oldest child + Parent A solo time
- ▪️ Oldest child + Parent B solo time
That’s NORMAL to talk about. Nobody’s offended.
Everyone’s like: “Yes! You SHOULD have that one-on-one time! That’s so important for those relationships!”
So WHY is that not the same in a friend trio?
These are questions for you to sit with.
Spending one-on-one time together is something that should be CELEBRATED.
Story #4: Friends Who Moved Away
We have some friends who moved away. (Different friends from the ones I talked about earlier.)
We miss them dearly.
(I’m that friend who’s constantly trying to convince everybody to move back to Seattle.)
But I get it. I get why they moved.
We’re lucky to get to visit them.
But on the phone, I’m constantly like:
- ▪️ “Have you met any of your neighbors?”
- ▪️ “Have you made any work friends down there?”
- ▪️ “Oh, there’s a neighborhood Halloween party? Did you go? Did you meet anyone? Was there anyone cool? Anyone the kids’ age?”
I am CONSTANTLY encouraging them to make other local friends.
Story #5: Friends Who Live in Italy
We have friends who live abroad. In Italy.
One of my FAVORITE things when we visit them:
Getting to meet all their local friends.
They’ll often host a dinner because we’re in town. They’ll invite some of their other closest friends.
It is my FAVORITE to:
- ▪️ Have met those people
- ▪️ Know what they look like
- ▪️ Have heard some of their stories
It makes hearing about my friends’ lives SO MUCH RICHER.
Because I’m not just imagining some person I’ve never met.
The Missing Friend
The last time we did this, one of their closest friends was NOT in town. So I didn’t get to meet that friend.
The other close friends? I can PICTURE them. Their kids. One of their apartments.
There’s such a rich, colorful experience in my mind when my friends tell me about things they’re doing in Italy.
But that ONE friend? I can’t really place that person.
Story #6: The Friend Trio Within the Big Group
I often talk about this bigger friend group I’m part of.
I should sit down and count, but we’re talking like 25-30 people.
I often think of it more as a COMMUNITY.
Not everyone is the closest to each other. But we all commonly get invited to the same things.
Different Dynamics
Within that big group, there are different dynamics:
- ▪️ Different couples close to each other
- ▪️ Me + two gals from college (certain dynamic)
- ▪️ People close because they were coworkers who traveled together for work
There IS a trio of friends. I am friends with all of them to varying degrees.
But I’m NOT part of the trio.
Some of these people are some of my CLOSEST friends.
And they have this little trio. And I’m on the OUTSIDE of it.
And I’m Okay With That
But you know what? I encourage them to hang out without me.
Just like I hang out with them in different groups and dynamics.
One person in that trio lives really close to me. I see her and her husband all the time.
Another person, I go down and hang out with her and her kiddos. Live my best auntie life.
Another friend in that group, I adore her. We don’t see each other quite as often. But we have SO MUCH FUN every time.
And yet, they go off and do things (the three of them) without me.
And I’m SO HAPPY for them. Truly.
I just don’t believe I need to be part of every dynamic.
I love that they have this close connection. I love that they talk all the time and share details.
That’s not EXCLUDING me. It’s just them leaning into something that feels natural to them.
And I love that for them.
I’m genuinely okay with not being included.
I don’t need them to pretend they don’t have the dynamic they do.
Story #7: Life-Stage Friends (The Mom Group Chat)
I mentioned my friend who became a mom and was in the NICU, wanting her to have other NICU mom friends.
But even in this group of friends I’m in:
Every time someone becomes a mom, as much as I’m interested and want to hear about it and love their kiddos…
I am NOT up five times a night taking care of a newborn.
But they GET each other.
So even some of them who are more familiar-friends/acquaintance level:
They’ve got group chats I’m NOT part of.
Where they’re talking about:
- ▪️ What they’re putting on their registry
- ▪️ What illnesses are popping up this winter
- ▪️ If they can trade strollers
They have a whole dynamic that doesn’t include me.
And I LOVE that for them.
I do NOT need to be included.
Because honestly? It would probably be really overwhelming if they were asking ME for answers to things I wouldn’t know.
Like which stroller to buy?
I’d have to go do a bunch of research.
Because I’m NOT surrounded by people pushing strollers every day casually mentioning their favorites.
They’re having those conversations when they leave daycare. When they go to the park.
They can tell each other SO MUCH MORE information.
It would be a lot for me to try to be that person for them.
Other Scenarios (No Stories, But Worth Mentioning)
Work friends: Your friend gets a new job. Suddenly really close with a coworker. They’re talking about this person a lot.
I think: “I’m happy you have someone you spend a lot of time with at work. I’m happy you enjoy being around them. I’d love to meet them.”
New relationship: Someone’s spending time connecting with their partner’s friend group or family.
Cheer them on for developing those relationships, even if they don’t involve you.
Activity/interest group: Someone seeking out a group. Maybe bird watching (I always use bird watching). You’re not into it. But you love that they have that community.
Therapy/support group: Maybe they experienced loss of a spouse. I’m happy they have that support.
Personal development/networking group: Maybe a friend joins a mastermind. They’re talking to these people all the time. Going on trips with them.
You’re thinking: “We never go on trips, but suddenly you can fly to this conference three times a year?”
This idea of being PROUD of them for seeking community and growing or finding support.
The 16 Benefits (Why This Actually Helps ME)
Okay, so WHY does this matter?
Why do I do this? How does encouraging my friends to have their own dynamics outside of me BENEFIT ME?
Want to hear the 16 benefits of encouraging your friends to have robust social lives? Tune into the complete episode for the full list.
The Selfless One (Just One)
#1: I care about these people. I want them to have a robust Wheel of Connection.
Even if I’m not their ENTIRE wheel.
I am one small dot (maybe a BIG dot) but I’m NOT the entire wheel.
I want them to have a full, robust web that would catch them if they fall.
A web that supports them in all the various aspects of who they are.
The Selfish Ones (Here We Go)
#2: It reduces pressure on ME.
I don’t have to be my friends’ EVERYTHING.
I don’t have to pretend I understand all the nuances of being a new mom.
I don’t have to feel like I’m lacking because I can’t truly support my NICU friend in every aspect.
I don’t have to pretend I’m interested in baseball when I’m NOT.
#3: I feel less guilty if I’m busy or unavailable.
Because my friends have OTHER PEOPLE to turn to.
My NICU mom friend mentioned wanting to come visit. But she also wants to go to a conference for moms of medically complex kiddos.
This could have been: “You’re choosing THAT community over ME?”
But I didn’t feel that AT ALL.
My first thought: “I don’t care if you visit them or me. I’d love you to visit me. We’ll figure it out. I can come to YOU.”
“But I’m happy you have that web. And I also have a lot going on.”
I feel less guilty that I have a very full life because I’m SO HAPPY she also has a full life.
#4: Freedom from FOMO.
I’m less likely to feel left out.
(This relates to the next point, so hold on.)
How It Makes My Friendships STRONGER
#5: Open communication vs. keeping secrets.
When I’m encouraging my friends to have other connections, when I seem open and receptive, when I’m CHEERING them on?
They don’t feel like they CAN’T tell me they’re doing something with someone else.
My friend doesn’t have to fumble with excuses.
She can just say: “I could use this support from this community right now. I might prioritize that.”
Instead of keeping it a secret.
Same with Willie and Fanny. I don’t want them to feel like they have to keep it a secret when they hang out.
I’m not expecting a full report. But if it’s open communication, they might mention what they did. Tell me a funny story.
You might think: “Isn’t that the whole point of FOMO? You wish you were there?”
No. I’m happy they had those experiences.
Sure, might I have had fun if I was there? Yeah.
But at least it’s not a SECRET where I never hear about it.
If I had questions (did they have fun? Did they do something silly?), I could ASK.
I don’t feel closed off.
#6: Our time together is more intentional.
Yes, they have other options of people to hang out with.
But when we ARE choosing to be together? It feels MEANINGFUL.
#7: It brings out a different side of my friends.
They may go do something I’d never do or never thought to do.
Now I have SO MANY MORE things I can talk to them about:
- ▪️ Why do you want to go to that conference?
- ▪️ Why do you love baseball so much?
- ▪️ What did you do last night? Where did you decide to go?
Example: Michael came home from the guys’ night. There’s this place in Seattle called Flatstick (putt-putt bar).
He was like: “We went to the Pioneer Square one. Then we went to the South Lake Union one.”
I was like: “Wait. You went to BOTH? Why would you go to both?”
“Well, we wanted to play the different courses. The people who won at the first one, everyone else wanted to challenge them at the second.”
I was like: “Okay. You went to the same… okay, okay.”
That’s more interesting to me. That’s not something I’d want to do. But okay, I’m happy you had fun.
#8: It reduces codependency.
I love that if my friends need something and I’m NOT available (especially in a world that’s hyper-individualistic where people are told to solve it themselves), they don’t feel shut down.
They have OTHER PEOPLE.
#9: When you’re not possessive, it makes people feel free to be themselves around you.
They don’t have to HIDE that they need support in another area you can’t provide.
Or that they have an interest you’re not interested in.
That doesn’t mean they don’t care about ME.
They love this thing. That’s great. I want them to have that.
Practical Benefits
#10: I can’t be everywhere, but I can hear the stories.
I can’t fly to all these places. But I DO want them to feel like they can TELL me about things they’re doing.
If a friendship is surviving on catching up AND you have secrecy where you can’t tell your friend about other interactions?
That would make catching up REALLY HARD.
What are you telling? What stories are you telling?
#11: It creates space for authentic sharing and inclusion when it makes sense.
Willie and Fanny won’t tell me EVERYTHING they talked about. But they’ll share what they want to share.
I love that.
Because there are also things they’ve told ME that I wouldn’t tell the third person.
(I’m very big on: if someone tells me something and doesn’t want it shared, it’s on LOCK.)
#12: Social capital.
This idea of “step friends” (fun term I heard on TikTok).
That’s just more connections in your web.
They may not be your IMMEDIATE connections. But they probably fall into familiar friend category.
Friend of a friend.
Our friends in the South, her family are step friends. I don’t talk to them all the time.
But every time I go down there and I’m around her family? It feels warm and welcoming.
I know who these people are. We’ll really enjoy the weekend together.
But they aren’t my closest people the way they are hers.
That’s social capital.
People you could call aren’t your closest friends, but they have people in THEIR web who could help you if you needed support.
#13: I love my friends have a support system when I can’t be there.
If they’re far away. If I have to get on a plane. If something hits the fan.
I’m SO HAPPY they have people who can be there if I can’t fly there.
Or until I can get there. Or to help divvy things up.
Nothing will make you realize how important that is like a big catastrophic life event.
My friend who lost her husband. I do NOT live next to her.
I am SO THANKFUL for every single person who DOES.
Because I can provide support in certain ways, but I can’t stop by her house every day.
#14: Other people to celebrate wins and support through tough times.
I’d love to fly for every milestone. I try. But you can’t always.
I’m happy they don’t have to feel alone.
That they have people who will celebrate them even if it’s just me sending flowers and a card or a FaceTime call.
#15: Easier to make new friends.
If your friends have robust wheels of connection, it’s easier for you to potentially make new friends.
Instead of going to a networking event where you don’t know ANYONE.
Maybe your friend in California makes a friend who’s also an author. She connects us. We hop on Zoom.
She may not become my closest friend. But maybe she’s someone I reach out to about writing a book.
#16: Conflict resolution.
(Some people are going to be up in arms about this. We’re not getting fully into it.)
If Willie and I get in a fight, I don’t want to put Fanny in a weird position.
I’m not going to talk smack about Willie.
But she DOES know Willie really well.
So if my goal is to RESOLVE the conflict, it might be worthwhile to talk to Fanny:
“Hey, am I missing something? Is there something I should think about? How might I have this conversation so it’s received?”
I’m not talking about talking smack.
I’m talking about: if your goal is conflict resolution, sometimes having someone who knows you well (or doesn’t!) can help.
“How would you have this conversation? Can you help me? My goal is REPAIR.”
I know some people are like: “You’re not supposed to talk to other friends about other friends.”
Well, I’m telling you I DO. If my goal is conflict resolution.
I’m not talking smack. But I WILL ask for help.
#17: (Bonus!) It creates friendship resilience.
If one of my friendships hits a rough patch, I’m not left with NOTHING.
And similarly, if MY friendship with someone hits a rough patch, THEY’RE not left with nothing.
I don’t ever want people to feel like they have NO ONE they can call.
So even if it’s not me, I want them to feel like they have a robust web.
That gives me peace at night.
And in turn, I want to have that for myself.
Addressing Common Fears
Okay, this has been a long episode.
Let me quickly address some resistance you might have.
“They’ll Replace Me” or “They’ll Like Other People Better”
Go listen to Episode 12 about the Roots of Connection framework.
Each friendship is a TREE.
Your tree is different than those other friends’ tree.
All those trees can exist in the forest.
If you look at the shared experience, emotional intimacy, and story roots you have with someone:
It’s easier to see why YOUR friendship (YOUR tree) is UNIQUE.
Compared to your friend’s other local best friend (if you live far away), they have DIFFERENT roots.
It’s not either/or. It’s not “like me better” or “replace me.”
They are each UNIQUE.
You might have all this HISTORY with your friend. But you don’t live near them.
That is beautiful and unique and CAN’T be replaced.
But you also don’t live near them. So they deserve connection with someone who DOES.
The roots are different.
When you can see what makes them different and unique, it becomes easier to accept and not worry about being replaced.
Scarcity Mindset
“If my friend is putting energy into other friendships, they won’t have time for me.”
This is where you think about reciprocity vs. nourishment.
It doesn’t need to be 100% equal in energy trades.
They might be nourishing another friend in a way you don’t need nourishment.
My mom friends are nourishing each other in ways I can’t.
I’m happy they have that. It can exist. It doesn’t take away from me.
If anything? If they have that support and are less stressed?
They may have a couple of hours to hang out with ME.
Instead of spending 20 hours researching baby-led weaning, they can ask a friend and get the info in 20 minutes.
My friend may now be like: “Hey, I DO have time to hang out.”
Ever think of it that way?
“I Want to Be Someone’s Person”
Hard news: You’re not the right person for EVERYTHING.
I’m not the right person for everything.
Example: When my friends are going through major life transitions (quitting a job, big move, breakup), I’m often the LAST person they tell.
You know why?
Because when you tell me, I’m like: “Okay, LET’S DO IT.”
“You want to end that relationship? I’ll help you pack. I’ll move you into my home. What do you need? Let’s GO.”
So if they’re just THINKING about it (not sure yet), they don’t want to tell me.
Because I’m going to be like: “Okay, let’s GO. Start taking action.”
I’m not the right person to tell in the INITIAL stages.
So all my other friends might know before I know.
Even with some of my CLOSEST friends.
I could see that as an insecurity. Or I could accept I’m not the right person.
Because I have this “let’s go, I’ll support you” mindset.
“It’s Awkward When Your Friends Have Other Friends”
They might be influenced by people you don’t know. You may not understand parts of their life or choices.
To that, I’d remind you:
Lots of things are awkward. You kind of have to accept that to be in a friendship.
One of my favorite quotes:
“In order to be friends long term, you have to experience 1,000 funerals of the friends they once were.”
(That’s ad-libbed, but that’s kind of it.)
That’s how you have long-term friendships.
“What If They Befriend Someone I Don’t Like?”
You don’t have to be that new person’s closest friend.
You just have to EXIST with them.
Maybe this is an opportunity to get curious:
What does your close friend ENJOY about that person?
They may have different dynamics. Different interests. Things they’ve kept hidden you don’t know about.
Now they’re unlocking that.
What a beautiful thing, to get to see your friend be this FULLER version of who they are.
How to Start
If you’re like: “Alex, this is such a JUMP for me.”
If you feel scarcity. If you feel like your friends will replace you. If you want to be someone’s sole person.
Here’s what I’d tell you:
Start MENTALLY trying to find happiness in your friends’ other connections.
Maybe you don’t need to VERBALIZE it at first.
But in your head, can you be like:
“You know, that’s good. They have someone to call in the middle of the night. I don’t know how I’d help them with that.”
Start to mentally find those moments.
Then once you feel like you’re getting that down mentally?
Try VERBALIZING it.
“Oh my gosh, you met a new neighbor! I love that! Tell me more!”
If you’re not there yet, try it mentally first.
But if you’re feeling pretty good? Can you see all the ways this is a positive for you?
Get out there. Be PROUD.
Really. Seriously.
You WANT your friends to have other friends.
Feeling replaced? Go back to Episode 12 (Roots of Connection). Each friendship has unique roots. They can’t replace what you have.
If this conversation about wanting more for your friends resonated with you, listen to the full episode for every story and insight we shared.
