I want you to think back to a specific moment.
Maybe it was last year. Maybe it was five years ago. Maybe it’s happening right now.
That moment when you looked around and suddenly realized: all of my friendships feel different.
Not just one friendship. Not just a temporary weird phase.
Everything. All at once.
Some friends are laser-focused on building businesses. Others are moving in with partners or getting married. Some are traveling the world. Having kids. Climbing the corporate ladder.
And as this happens, time starts to feel scarce.
All those friendship patterns you’ve developed over the years, the ones that felt like they were holding everything together?
They start to fracture.
For me, this moment hit in 2021. Five sets of friends moved away in a six-month period.
Not casual friends. Friends I did Sunday dinners with. My emergency contacts. The first people I called to celebrate.
I panicked. Hardcore. My world felt rocked.
And here’s what I’ve learned since then: What I experienced isn’t unique.
It’s part of a bigger phenomenon that hits most of us at some point, usually for the first time in our late 20s or early 30s.
I call it the Great Friendship Shift.
And today, I’m talking with Ericka Parker, founder and CEO of SILKENN skincare, host of the Boss Babe Reset podcast, who’s living through this shift right now.
And she’s going to help us understand what to do when it hits.
What IS the Great Friendship Shift?
Before we dive into Ericka’s story, let me explain what I mean by this.
The Great Friendship Shift is that moment when people’s life paths really start to diverge.
Like, we can’t pretend it’s not happening anymore.
In your teens and early 20s, everyone’s kind of on the same track. School. Maybe college. First jobs. Similar schedules. Similar priorities.
But then something happens, usually in the late 20s or early 30s.
Suddenly, everyone’s paths are wildly different:
- ▪️ Some people are building businesses (like Ericka)
- ▪️ Some are getting married or moving in with partners
- ▪️ Some are having kids
- ▪️ Some are traveling the world
- ▪️ Some are climbing the corporate ladder
- ▪️ Some are going back to school
- ▪️ Some are moving cities (or countries!)
And the way you used to hang out? It doesn’t work anymore.
You can’t just go out Thursday through Sunday like you used to.
You can’t spontaneously meet up for brunch on Saturday (because someone needs a babysitter, someone’s working, someone’s traveling for work).
Everything familiar is changing. And nobody warned you this was coming.
Meet Ericka: Living Through the Shift While Building an Empire
Ericka described her situation perfectly:
“I’m at this pivotal stage where there’s just a lot of transition. A lot of change. I’m not the girl who can go out Thursday through Sunday anymore because I actually have priorities.”
Like pitching to investors on Monday. Slurring your words slightly hungover? Not a good look.
She’s building SILKENN, a science-backed skincare brand. She’s hosting a podcast. She’s making founder friends who understand what it takes to build something from the ground up.
And her old friends? They’re parents now. They’ve moved away. They have spouses.
“There’s just a lot of change happening around the same time. And it’s really a journey of navigating what friendship looks like in this new era.”
Sound familiar?
The Avoidance Phase (Because We All Go Through It)
Here’s what Ericka told me about her initial response to the shift:
“I’m very avoidant. I put up blockers to ignore it.”
Because when you’re already stressed, building a business, managing a career, whatever your thing is. The idea that your friendships are ALSO falling apart?
That feels like one more complication you can’t handle.
So you block it out. You put your head down. You focus on the thing in front of you.
And maybe you look up in a year or two and see where the pieces fall.
Ericka calls it “the gutters”: those first two years of building something where you’re working, and you can’t pick your head up.
“You get to a point where you look up, and it’s like, ‘Whoa. Okay. Well, I have some damage control to do.”
I think a lot of us do this.
We don’t intentionally abandon our friendships. We just… survive. We focus on what feels most urgent.
And then we feel guilty when we realize how much time has passed.
What Actually Changed (And Why It Matters)
Ericka said something that really stuck with me:
“It’s important to have friends with similar interests as you.”
For her, that means making more founder friends. People who understand what it takes to build something. People who don’t take it personally when you go underground for months.
But here’s what she realized:
“It becomes very unfair to put all of this into one person or group of friends. Like, ‘I need you to be all of these things for me based on who I am in this season.’ That’s actually really unfair.”
This is HUGE.
You can’t expect your childhood friends to also be your workout friends, your founder friends, your party friends, AND your deep emotional support friends.
Different friends serve different purposes. And that’s not only okay. It’s necessary.
Ericka talked about having friends in buckets:
- ▪️ Happy hour friends (not party friends anymore; she likes to be in bed by 10!)
- ▪️ Church friends
- ▪️ Workout friends
- ▪️ Founder friends
- ▪️ Her “pineapple friends” (childhood friends with matching tattoos, whole story there!)
And the key is: not expecting any one friend or group to fill ALL the buckets.
Ericka’s story about navigating the Great Friendship Shift is full of relatable moments. Hear it all in the full episode.
The Shift from Proximity to Intentionality
I told Ericka something on her podcast that she said has stuck with her ever since:
Understanding the difference between proximity and intentionality.
When you’re younger, you gain friends based on proximity:
- ▪️ You go to school together
- ▪️ You play sports together
- ▪️ You’re in the same circle
- ▪️ You see each other 8 hours a day
But as you mature, you have to be extremely intentional.
You have to plan time to talk. You have to schedule hangouts. You have to actively maintain the connection.
Because you’re not just going to see each other every day anymore.
And Ericka said it perfectly: “It’s an adjustment. It’s like, ‘Oh wait. We have to plan time to talk because I’m not just going to see you every day for eight hours.’”
This is the shift nobody prepares you for.
The New Reality: Calendly Links and Doodle Polls
Okay, let’s talk about something that might make you cringe:
Sending your childhood friends a Calendly link.
Ericka told me: “One of my classmates sent me a DM like, ‘We should catch up.’ And I sent her my Calendly. I was like, literally find a time that works for you. Happy to chat.”
And people clowned her for it.
But here’s what she said: “Girl, this is just how my life is set up right now. If we want this to be a thing, we need to give and take.”
I LOVE this.
Because yes, it feels weird. Yes, it’s not how we used to do things.
But you know what? It’s honest.
It’s saying: “I want to talk to you. But my schedule is chaos. So here are my available times. Pick one. Let’s make it happen.”
That’s not cold. That’s practical.
And honestly? If someone’s offended by a Calendly link, they might not understand the season you’re in.
Creating New Rituals That Actually Stick
Here’s where Ericka’s story gets really good.
After our first conversation, she hit up her pineapple group chat (her childhood friends scattered across the globe: one in London, one in LA, one in Texas).
And she proposed something: a recurring Netflix date.
Third Wednesday of every month. 8 pm. On FaceTime. Watching a movie together.
“That has been SO helpful for us. It sets the expectations for our partners and our lives. They just know: Wednesday, 8 o’clock, third Wednesday. Leave the girls alone.”
“You’re going to hear laughing, crying, wine glasses clinking. Just let us have that moment.”
And that ritual? It’s made them feel closer despite the distance.
This is the key, you guys.
When you don’t have proximity, you need RITUALS. Consistent, scheduled touchpoints that everyone protects.
Not “let’s catch up soon.” Not “we should do something.”
Actual recurring dates on the calendar.
Permission to Have Friends in Different Buckets
Let me say this again because it’s so important:
You don’t need one friend (or one friend group) to be everything to you.
And your friends don’t need YOU to be everything to them.
Ericka’s founder friends understand when she goes underground for six months. They get it. They’re doing the same thing.
But those friends might not be the ones she calls for deep emotional support.
Her pineapple friends? They’re her childhood crew. They know her history. They’ve been through everything together.
But they might not fully GET the founder journey.
And that’s okay.
Different friends. Different buckets. Different purposes.
All valuable. All important. Just different.
What About the Friendships That Don’t Survive?
Ericka was honest about this:
“There have been one or two people who just really have found it hard to adapt.”
And here’s what she realized:
“I think it’s more of some of their insecurities versus mine.”
Some people see you building something, getting recognition, creating a world around yourself. And they view it as: you forgot where you came from. You’re vain. You’re losing yourself.
They want to keep you in the box of who they knew you as.
And they’re unwilling to give you space to expand beyond that.
Ericka said, “For a while, I was like, ‘Wow, am I the problem? Have I walked away from my values?”
But then she realized: “Those friendships didn’t last because there wasn’t a safe space for us to grow.”
“The things I wanted when I was 21 are not the things I want now that I’m 29.”
And if someone can’t hold space for your growth? That’s not your failure. That’s a mismatch.
Want more on how to handle friendships that change as your life evolves? Listen to the complete episode for the full conversation.
Coming Out of the Hole
So what do you do when you’ve been underground for months (or years) and you realize: oh crap, I’ve been MIA?
Ericka’s approach: Humor.
“Back in the day, there used to be a joke: when you haven’t spoken to someone in a while, you’d send the ‘Hey big head’ text.”
“That was very much me. ‘Hey guys, I’m back!’”
“And just try and laugh it out. It makes it easier.”
“Your real friends (your tribe) get you. Despite whatever is going on, you should always be able to pick up kind of where you left off.”
Now, an important note: This only works if you’ve built that foundation.
If you’ve been consistently ghosting people without explanation, the “Hey big head” text might not land.
But if your friends know you’ve been in the gutters building something? They’ll probably welcome you back with open arms.
Making New Friends as an Adult (When Everyone’s Motives Feel Questionable)
Okay, let’s talk about the OTHER side of the shift:
Making NEW friends who fit your current season.
Ericka’s been going to networking events. Joining entrepreneurial groups. Putting herself in spaces that require being uncomfortable.
But here’s the challenge:
“People see that you have something to offer. And it’s like, ‘Are they friends with me because I know this person? Or because they genuinely like me?’”
This is SO real, especially in cities like New York (where Ericka is).
“New York can be very social climbing. You just never fully know what someone’s intentions are.”
So how do you navigate this?
Ericka’s approach:
- Be a listener first. Catch the vibe. See if your spirit takes them.
- Follow up after meetings. If you said you’d send a DM or email, actually do it.
- Look for reciprocity. Are they only reaching out when they need something? Or is there genuine interest?
- Trust your gut. If someone invited you to an event and then didn’t talk to you all night? “The room has been read. You’re probably gonna be blocked.”
Making friends as an adult is vulnerable. Especially when you’re building something.
But it’s also necessary.
The Advice: Lean Into It (Don’t Run From It)
Okay, so if you’re in the middle of the Great Friendship Shift right now, what do you do?
Ericka’s advice:
“Lean into it. Don’t run from it.”
“I felt like I did that for a while, being very avoidant. But the more I leaned into it, the more I brought it up as a point of conversation, the better it was for us to navigate.”
“Talk about what works and what doesn’t work. How can we make this work?”
“That gave me the confidence to throw a crazy idea in the group chat, and it actually stuck and became a ritual for us.”
This is the key.
You have to acknowledge what’s happening. Out loud. With your friends.
“Hey, I know things have been different. I’ve been in the gutters building this thing. Can we talk about how to stay connected?”
“I can’t do Thursday nights anymore. But what if we did a monthly FaceTime date?”
“I know you have kids now. What actually works for you? When can we hang out that doesn’t require a babysitter?”
Stop assuming. Start asking.
Your Turn: What to Do Right Now
If you’re reading this and thinking, “Oh my god, this is exactly what’s happening to me,” here’s what I want you to do:
Step 1: Acknowledge that you’re in a transition
You’re not failing at friendship. You’re in the Great Friendship Shift.
This is normal. This happens to almost everyone.
Step 2: Identify which friendships you want to prioritize
You can’t maintain all friendships at the same intensity. That’s impossible.
Which friendships do you want to put intentional effort into?
Step 3: Have the conversation
Pick ONE friend or friend group. Talk about what’s happening.
“Hey, I’ve been thinking about how we stay connected. Things feel different. Can we talk about how to make this work?”
Step 4: Propose a ritual
Not “let’s catch up soon.” An actual recurring thing.
Monthly FaceTime. Quarterly in-person hangout. Weekly voice note exchange.
Something consistent that you both commit to.
Step 5: Give yourself permission to have friends in different buckets
You don’t need one person to be everything.
Founder friends. Workout friends. Deep emotional support friends. Fun happy hour friends.
All valid. All important. Just different.
Step 6: Be patient with yourself
This transition takes time. You’re going to mess up. You’re going to go underground and resurface months later.
That’s okay.
What matters is that you keep showing up. Keep trying. Keep being intentional.
The Bottom Line
Here’s what I want you to take away:
The Great Friendship Shift is real. It’s normal. And it’s not a sign that you’re failing.
It’s a sign that you’re growing.
And yes, some friendships will adapt and evolve with you.
Others will fade. And that’s okay too.
What matters is:
- ▪️ Being intentional about the connections you want to nurture
- ▪️ Creating new patterns that work for THIS version of your life
- ▪️ Having the courage to talk about what’s changing
- ▪️ Giving yourself (and your friends) grace during the transition
Growing apart doesn’t always mean growing away from each other.
Sometimes it just means growing into new versions of this friendship.
And that requires new rituals, new patterns, and a whole lot of intentionality.
Want more on this topic? Go back to Episodes 20 and Episode 21 where I dive even deeper into this transition. Also Episode 12 on the types of friendship roots. It’ll help you understand what’s actually happening in your friendships..
Want to check out Ericka’s work? Her skincare brand SILKENN and her podcast Boss Babe Reset. (And yes, I was on the Boss Babe Reset Podcast talking about Friendships.)
Going through your own friendship shift? Tune into the full episode for all the advice and stories shared above.
