I need you to do something right now.
Stop reading. Pick up your phone. Open your screen time settings.
Look at how many hours you spent on podcasts this week. Then look at social media.
Add them up. I’ll wait.
Got the number? Good.
Now here’s my real question:
In all those hours (all that time you spent listening to people talk, scrolling through people’s posts, consuming everyone’s thoughts and stories), did you EVER actually talk back?
Did you send one message? Leave one comment? Respond to one thing?
Or did you just… lurk?
If you’re feeling a little called out right now, good. Because I need you to sit with something uncomfortable:
You’re spending hours “connecting” online. But you’re not actually connecting at all.
You’re just standing on the sidelines. Watching. Listening. Consuming.
And it’s probably making you lonelier than you realize.
The City You’re Walking Through Every Day
I want you to imagine something with me.
You’ve just flown into a new city. You’ve never been there before. You get off the plane and start wandering the streets.
This city is HUGE. Lots going on.
There are convention centers everywhere: massive buildings full of people gathered around shared interests.
One building: Comic Con. Thousands of people are talking about comics and cosplay.
Another building: A birding conference. Enthusiasts sharing photos and tips.
Another: The Postmasters General’s annual meeting. (Yes, really.)
Another: A Taylor Swift concert. Thousands of screaming fans.
You keep walking.
You pass restaurants with groups having animated conversations. Bars with live music. Coffee shops with people working on laptops. Parks with picnics. Theaters. Even people’s homes with the windows open, conversations drifting out.
As you walk, you’re doing an analysis.
You peek in windows. You listen at the doors. You decide:
Do my values align with these people? Would I feel energized or drained by this conversation? Do I want to spend time here?
And when you find a room that feels right (when you decide these are your people) you walk in.
You’re in the convention center now. There are hundreds of people having conversations about something you care deeply about.
Here’s my question: What are you doing in that room?
Are you walking up to people and joining conversations?
Are you finding the speaker and introducing yourself?
Are you standing on the sidelines, hoping someone will come talk to you?
Are you just walking through, listening to bits and pieces of conversations, never saying a word?
Or are you standing in the corner with a megaphone, screaming angry profanities at everyone?
Whatever you’re doing: how would you feel when you left if this were real life?
Because here’s what I need you to understand:
This IS real life. This is exactly what you’re doing on podcasts and social media.
You’re walking into rooms (clicking on content). You’re deciding if you want to be there (following or unfollowing). And then you’re… what?
Standing on the sidelines? Never saying a word?
If you did that in real life (if you spent HOURS every week standing in rooms, listening to conversations, never joining in) you’d feel awkward. Lonely. Like you wasted your time.
But you’re doing it online. And you’ve convinced yourself it’s different.
It’s not.
Meet Sharon: The Woman Who Actually Talks Back
Sharon Walters is a gratitude coach and author. She’s in her 60s. She lives in Denver.
And she’s the person I wish more of you would be online.
Not because she has a massive following. Not because she’s an influencer. Not because she’s “doing it right” for business reasons.
But because she actually ENGAGES.
When Sharon listens to a podcast she enjoys, she messages the host.
When she sees content that impacts her, she reaches out to the creator.
When someone’s post resonates with her, she leaves a genuine comment.
She closes the loop.
Example 1: The Podcasters
“A lot of times, I’d see friends of mine on podcasts,” Sharon told me. “I really enjoyed listening to their conversation. And I liked the host too.”
So she found the host on Facebook and sent a message.
Just: “Hey, I really enjoyed your conversation with my friend. I love what you’re doing.”
That’s it. Nothing complicated.
And you know what happened? The hosts wrote back. Conversations started. She’s been on dozens of podcasts now. Not because she was trying to get on podcasts, but because she was genuinely connecting.
Example 2: The Motivational Seven-Year-Old
Years ago, Sharon saw a viral video of a little blonde girl standing on a bathroom counter, looking in the mirror, giving herself a pep talk.
“I love my mom. I love my dad. I love my teachers. I love my life.”
The video changed Sharon’s life.
She couldn’t stop thinking about it. Years later, she wondered: What happened to that girl?
So she searched. Found her on Facebook. The girl was in her 20s now.
Sharon sent her a message:
“I saw your video at a retreat years ago. It really inspired me. I did something similar on stage because of you, and it changed my life.”
The girl, Jessica, wrote back.
Example 3: The Extraordinary Women
Sharon saw a woman who started a group called Extraordinary Women Magazine.
She was drawn to it. But not for herself. For her friends.
She tried to get her friends to join. Nobody did.
“I thought, okay, I guess it’s for me,” Sharon said.
So she reached out to the founder. Joined the group. They became real friends.
“I mean, I wouldn’t have even believed this, but we really have become fantastic friends.”
What Sharon Does Differently
Here’s what Sharon told me:
“There’s nobody that I would not think to reach out to. I don’t care who they are. I’ve left comments on Oprah’s page. I used to be afraid to stand out. Now? If I’m called to it, I just do it.”
She messages musicians when she likes their songs.
She reaches out to people on The Voice when they move her.
She DMs strangers whose content resonates.
And you know what? 85-90% of people write back.
“When you’re really authentic about it, when there’s no agenda, when you’re just speaking what’s on your heart. You’ve got a really great chance for them to respond.”
Sharon isn’t special. She’s not doing anything you couldn’t do.
She’s just actually engaging instead of lurking.
In the full episode, Sharon shares even more stories about the real friendships she’s built just by reaching out to creators online. If you’ve ever wanted to connect with someone you admire but didn’t know how to start the conversation, her approach will inspire you.
The Secret Podcasters Don’t Tell You
I need to be vulnerable with you for a minute.
Do you know how many downloads a podcast needs to be in the top 50% of all podcasts?
Take a guess.
.
.
.
30 downloads. In the first week.
That’s it. 30 people listening to an episode in the first week puts you in the top HALF of all podcasts.
Want to be in the top 25%? 93 downloads.
Top 10%? 335 downloads.
Top 5%? 795 downloads.
When I learned these numbers, I was shocked. I assumed podcasts were getting way more listens.
But the reality is: most podcasters are talking to a very small number of people.
And here’s what that means:
When you message a podcaster to say you enjoyed their episode? You might be one of only 30-50 people who listened that week.
They’re not drowning in messages. They’re not too busy to respond.
They’re real people, putting content out into the void, hoping someone (anyone) cares.
What It Feels Like From This Side
I record these episodes. I put them out into the world.
And then… silence.
I have no idea how people are reacting. You’re in your car, on your walk, doing dishes with AirPods in.
I can see the download numbers. But I don’t know WHO you are or what you’re thinking.
Recently, I was honored at a couple of local events: Women to Watch, that kind of thing.
And you know what was the most meaningful part?
Not the awards. Not the recognition.
Being in a ROOM with real people who had just heard me speak.
People coming up after to ask questions. To continue the conversation. To tell me how something I said impacted them.
That almost never happens for me.
I spend so much time talking to a microphone, putting content out, and seeing download numbers go up.
But I rarely get to see the humans on the other end.
At one event, someone asked how people could support us as creators.
Here’s what I said:
“Remember that people who create content are waking up every day and just doing the next thing. We’re not getting that much feedback. So every time someone gives feedback (every message, every comment), that’s the fuel we need to keep going.
The people you’re listening to? They’re real people on the other side of that microphone.
Reach out and say hi. Tell them that thing they said impacted you.
Because this is a form of connection. But only if you close the loop.”
Why Lurking Is Making You Lonelier
Here’s what I think is actually happening:
You’re spending hours consuming other people’s thoughts. Other people’s stories. Other people’s advice.
You’re taking it all in. Processing it. Thinking about it.
Maybe you’re nodding along. Maybe you’re disagreeing. Maybe you’re having full conversations in your head with the person talking.
But you’re never actually HAVING the conversation.
You’re never saying the thing out loud. Never getting a response. Never closing the loop.
It’s like going to that convention center, standing in the room for hours, and never saying a single word to anyone.
And then you leave feeling… what?
Probably drained. Probably lonely. Probably wondering why you even went.
But you keep doing it. Week after week. Because you’ve convinced yourself it’s “connecting.”
It’s not.
The Comparison Trap
And here’s what makes it worse:
While you’re standing on the sidelines, consuming everyone else’s highlight reels, you’re probably comparing yourself.
Why can’t I do that?
Why don’t I have that?
Why does everyone else seem so happy/successful/connected?
You’re taking in everyone else’s lives without ever putting your own voice out there.
And that imbalance (that one-way flow of information) is exhausting.
It’s making you feel like everyone else is living these amazing lives while you’re just… watching.
Because you ARE just watching.
Sharon and I dig much deeper into why lurking keeps us lonely in the complete episode, including the surprising psychology behind why we hold back and what actually happens when we stop. If you spend hours consuming content but never engage, listen here.
The Algorithm Truth (That Might Change Everything)
Sharon said something that made me think:
“In my world, social media is all positive. I only see positive content.”
Why? Because that’s what she engages with.
She leaves positive comments. She shares uplifting content. She messages people to tell them their work matters.
And the algorithm feeds her more of that.
But if you’re only consuming negative content, only reading the rage-bait, only engaging with the drama?
That’s what you’ll keep seeing.
The algorithm is SMART. It’s not just tracking topics. It’s tracking TONE.
You get fed what you engage with.
So if you’re feeling like social media is a toxic cesspool, ask yourself:
What are you engaging with? What are you feeding the algorithm?
Why We Don’t Engage (And Why Those Reasons Are BS)
I know what you’re thinking. I know the excuses. Because I’ve thought them all too:
“They’re too busy to respond.”
No. Most creators are desperate for genuine connection. See those podcast download numbers? They’re not drowning in messages.
“It doesn’t matter. They won’t even see my comment.”
It matters. Trust me. Even one genuine message can be the thing that keeps someone going.
“I don’t know what to say.”
You don’t need to be profound. Just: “This resonated with me. Thank you.”
“What if they think I’m weird?”
They won’t. They’ll think you’re kind. They’ll appreciate that you took the time.
“I’m just one person. It won’t make a difference.”
Sharon is one person. And she’s formed real friendships with strangers online. Because she actually engages.
“I’m afraid of seeming desperate or needy.”
Genuine appreciation isn’t desperate. It’s human.
How to Stop Lurking and Start Connecting
Okay. You’re convinced. You want to shift from passive to active.
Here’s how to start:
Step 1: Just 5 Minutes a Day
You don’t have to overhaul everything. You’re already spending the time.
Just dedicate 5 minutes a day to actually engaging.
That’s it. 5 minutes of being ACTIVE instead of passive.
Step 2: Message One Podcaster This Week
Think about the podcasts you listen to regularly.
Pick one. Find their contact info (it’s usually in the show notes). Send a message.
Template if you need it:
“Hi [name], I’ve been listening to your podcast for [time period]. I wanted to let you know that [specific episode or theme] really resonated with me because [brief reason]. Thank you for creating this content.”
That’s it. Hit send.
Step 3: Leave One Genuine Comment
Not “Great post!” Not an emoji.
A real comment. Something specific.
“This made me think about [thing]. Thank you for sharing.”
“I needed to hear this today. [Specific part] really hit home.”
Genuine. Specific. Human.
Step 4: Send One DM to Someone Whose Content Impacted You
Someone whose post made you think. Whose story moved you. Whose advice helped you.
Tell them.
“Hey, I don’t normally do this, but I wanted you to know that [thing you shared] really impacted me. [Brief explanation of why]. Thank you.”
Hit send before you talk yourself out of it.
Step 5: Share Content WITH the Creator
If you share something on your stories or in a group chat, TAG THE CREATOR.
Let them know: “Hey, I’m sharing your work because [reason].”
They deserve to know their work is being spread.
What Will Probably Happen
Here’s what Sharon told me:
“85-90% of people write back.”
Most creators WANT to connect. They’re not too busy. They’re not too important.
They’re just people who made something and put it out there, hoping it matters to someone.
When you tell them it mattered to you?
They’ll probably respond. They’ll probably be grateful. They might even become a real connection in your life.
Sharon has formed real friendships this way. Not transactional relationships. Real friendships.
Because she stopped lurking and started engaging.
The Challenge
Here’s what I want you to do this week:
Check your screen time. See how many hours you spent on podcasts and social media.
Then ask yourself: In all those hours, did I actually connect with anyone? Or did I just lurk?
If the answer is lurk… change it.
Pick ONE thing from the list above. Just one.
Message one podcaster. Leave one genuine comment. Send one DM.
Just one.
And see what happens.
Because here’s the truth:
You’re already spending the time. You’re already in the rooms. You’re already listening to the conversations.
Stop standing on the sidelines. Stop lurking. Join in.
The people you’re listening to? They’re real humans hoping someone cares.
The content you’re consuming? It was made for connection, not just consumption.
So close the loop. Say hi. Leave the comment. Send the message.
You might be surprised by who writes back.
Did this post make you think differently about your screen time? Feeling brave? Drop your screen time stats in the comments.
Ready to stop lurking and start connecting? Tune into the full episode for Sharon’s complete story, plus even more practical tips for turning your online consumption into real relationships.
